10 people killed, 19 wounded in double suicide bombing in Israel.

I am so sick and tired of waking up to news like this.

 
I have a very similar feeling in the pit of my stomach now as I did in the days following Sept 11th. It's that feeling in which you know things are never going to be the same. As soon as I heard the news about the attacks in Spain I knew the outlook on terrorism was going to change once again. For Spain, THIS is their 9/11. They are finding themselves united against a cause, and are trying to find strength in each other as they struggle to understand why this happened. For the rest of us, it will be a wake up call to realize that this can happen anytime, and anywhere. If it hasn't come knocking on your door yet, it will.
This is what Europe is about to realize. It is happening to them. NOW. And it will, without a doubt, happen again. This is a growing problem and it isn't going away. Mark my words, folks.....this is just the beginning of things to come.

CNN.com has put together an in-depth look at the Spanish attack, including background and all "the players" in the scenario, if you are looking to learn more about it. Keep in mind it's CNN and take everything you read with a grain of salt.

As for me, I didn't post yesterday because I have been unable to shake this funk as I had hoped, and didn't feel you needed to hear me whine about it some more. I learned that just because you declare that you'd like to get off an emotional roller coaster doesn't mean you can. :-/ Sometimes you just gotta wait until the ride is over, I guess....

Thursday night I went over to Princess Blondie's, for our usual Thursday night viewing of Survivor, and she caught on right away that things are a bit off with me. Hardly in the mood to discuss it I tried to play it off like nothing was wrong (keeping in mind that I am the worst liar in the world). So yesterday she e-mailed me and asked what was up. After a few e-mails she was giving me the sweetest pep-talk ever. She's truly one the greatest people to ever have walked into my life, and I am grateful for that.

Anyway, I'm not gonna drone on about my crap mood. It is what it is, and all I can do is hold on and hope that it passes soon. Meantime, I'm gonna go do some much needed laundry over at the parent's place, and go to work for a bit. *sigh*
Hope you all have a nice relaxing weekend.

 
I decided this morning that it was time I stopped being a drama queen. Everyone is allowed a bad day or two, and after two days of being on an emotional rollercoaster I decided it was time to get off. Running away to my cave and hiding wasn't going to solve anything, and after seeing the news this morning about the terrorist attack on a train in Spain I decided there are people out there with worse troubles than mine. It was time to get a grip and see that the sky is not really falling like it seemed. Sometimes I have a habit of allowing myself to get overwhelmed and when that happens I just shut down. I used to have someone I would be able to talk it all through with and let it out, but I am without that close friendship now and I need to start finding my own ways of dealing with things. So. I let myself have a couple of days to freak out, but now it's time to calm down and re-evaluate things. Everything has a solution, sometimes you just gotta take a step back and then look at it again with fresh eyes.
And thanks to all of you who were so sweet and supportive as I had my little meltdown; it's nice to know there are people lookin' out for me. :-) I love you guys!

Anyway, my day yesterday was up and down. My boss took me aside and had the same pep talk with me that he did a few months back (about making my job anything I want it to be and he'd back me 100%). I nearly started crying because I was just NOT in the mood for such a serious conversation. All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and have the world leave me the hell alone. When he was done he asked me what I thought and I told him that I was in no frame of mind to offer him an intelligent response and that I would have to get back to him.

After that I went back to tackling the computer problems that proved to be the catalyst for my meltdown the day before. Finally, after spending some time with my isp tech support we got the problem resolved. My mood picked up after that as I finally solved the problem, and there's a certain level of satisfaction that comes with that. I knew that I had been stressing about this ridiculous problem the day before, but I didn't know to what extend until it was solved and I felt a wave of relief. So silly that I freaked out about it so much.

Then I got my work schedule for my second job, and found out I don't need to work this week. This also lifted my mood, as I think if ever there was a time I needed a break from school and my second job, it was this week. This also meant that I could take my parents into the scuba shop and go with them for their free trial lesson. It made my mom more comfortable knowing I would be there, and my dad was just plain excited about the whole thing.

When I went home to grab my bathing suit I found a bill in the mail (this good mood wasn't going to last..you knew that right?? lol). It was my income tax bill..... lucky me, I owe $3500. I just put the bill back in the envelope and decided that I wasn't going to stress about it at that point (what good would that do?), and that I was just going to enjoy my evening diving. And so I did. My parents and I had a great time diving and swimming.

My mother called me twice this morning to tell me how excited she and my dad are and about how they want to buy some equipment and take lessons. Apparently they both had the best sleep of their lives (diving can be exhausting, especially to us newbies) and that they feel like a million bucks this morning. And I think my mom and I are both happy we got my dad into a hobby that he's excited about...coz the man is a workaholic and needs to find a way to unwind, bigtime.

As for me and the bigger picture....I need to figure out what made me freak out this week, and do something about it. I think part of it had to do with some unresolved issues with someone; but how do you resolve old disputes with a friend when you are no longer really in contact? I'll either have to write a letter (and not necessarily mail it) to get all my angst out or learn to let it go. I'm not especially thrilled with the idea of writing out how I feel because I'll have to go through all the feelings again in order to get it all down on paper. It didn't feel good the first time I felt it all, and I know it's going to feel just as bad the second time. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. So for now, I have to find some way to let it go; sometimes you just never get to say what you want to and that's just something one has to deal with. *shrug*

And I need to figure out what I'm going to do about money. I think that's a large part of why I've been freaking out, so it didn't help when I got that enormous bill. I have been considering getting a roommate, but don't know anyone that wants to move right now. Most of my friends either own a home or are still living at home for free and aren't exactly willing to pay to live somewhere else. And living with a stranger holds no appeal to me at all. A roommate would have been ideal because there is a two bedroom apartment opening up in my building and I would only have to move up a floor (and I love this building a lot). It woulda saved me $300 a month too. But alas, the person I wanted to move in with changed his mind and now I am back to square one. I have started going through ads to try and find a cheaper place.....I'll keep looking. I don't know what else to do.

That's about it. I'm feeling a bit better today, so I can start looking at things with a little more clarity. But I'd like to know who the hell called my cellphone at 11:45pm last night. I was sound asleep and by the time I got to my cell I had missed the call. I didn't recognize the number, but it's the same kind of number that comes up when someone calls me from overseas. So of course I freaked out and worried that something was wrong (hey, I was half asleep, and therefore not able to reason things out too well) so I went online to make sure nothing had happened in Israel. All seemed well, and whoever called didn't leave a message. *shrug* I have no idea what that was about.

Anyway, tonight is Survivor night, and provided Princess Blondie isn't out hunting for a new home with her boyfriend Bruno, we'll be doing our usual get-together to watch it. Hope all is well with you guys, and that you're having a better week than me. lol. Can't be to tough to achieve!

(if you need a laugh be sure to check out the dimwitted woman who tried to buy something at Wal-Mart with a million dollar bill! it managed to make me laugh, even in my most foul mood yesterday)

 
It seems I am retreating into my cave now, and am lacking a desire to be social. Sorry I can't be more entertaining but I'd rather be alone to wallow in my current misery and am one of those people who isn't keen on sharing or talking about it.

I suggest for entertainment you try out some of the links I have in that right hand column (cleverly placed under the "links" title). I didn't compile that list for MY benefit! Go try something new out.

When I'm done with my nervous breakdown, I'll let you know.

UPDATE: I just checked my horoscope. While I never take these things seriously, I still find them fun. And today is one of those days where it actually seems to ring true. That's good, coz if it is...there's a light on outside my cave.

VIRGO: The thrill is gone. For a moment, your dealings with other people seem hollow. Something in the stars sensitizes you to the underpinnings behind every encounter. Then something else happens -- you lighten up. Once you get your head around this realization, your next step will be putting the joy back into your world. Watch others and see how they recharge their batteries. Reconnect with the individuals, places or things that jolt you back to life.

 
I'm not going to class tonight and I don't even want to talk about it.
I am in the middle of some kind of meltdown.
Blogging will commence when I am done.

God I wish I still smoked...or drank. I need a new vice.
Now.
*sigh*

 
Ok, gather 'round, kiddies.....I need some opinions here. I am troubled by a decision I need to make, and I want your input on the matter, k? And weigh it all first and try to see the pros and cons, and not just jump ahead and say I should do it without understanding all sides.

So. Do you remember last week when I was whining and crabbing like a baby coz I was all pissed off about my Hebrew class? Allow me to quote myself for recapping purposes, because I'm too lazy to type it out again: "My teacher has decided that my class (myself and two others, it's tiny) is ready to just move up and join the next level class (that we already sit in on. it's the class right after ours, so we just stay and listen in on their class). This has me a bit upset because the other class is way farther ahead, and I'm simply not ready for it. So this bums me out, and I'm feeling very discouraged. If this is her plan for the next semester (starting in April) then I don't know if I want to sign up again; I'm not paying $200 for a course that I'm completely lost in. It's waste of my time and money and will only discourage me further. But I would be so heartbroken if I didn't have a class....I really want to learn."

Ok, so the point is, I'm still pissed off about it a week later. It has me so grumpy that I don't even want to go to the class tomorrow. I mean, my teacher didn't even bother to mark my homework last time, and I was really feeling dumb in the next level class. Tomorrow is the last class at this level, then there's a two week break, and if I want to go back I have to shell out another 200 clams to join the class again. Do I want to go back even though the class is making me feel dumb and I feel totally lost? Do I want to spend $200 on something that makes me grumpy?

I think the real reason that I'm grumpy is that I absolutely loved my class and the fact that my happy little class is in jeopardy is making me very very unhappy. I want to learn so badly, but if I take a course that's above me it will make me feel dumb and then I get discouraged and I might quit. So do I spend the $200 (that I don't really have) or not?? Will I get over my grumpiness or hate the class from now on?? gahhhhh!!! I just don't know.
All this and my teacher has been super sweet and invited me to her seder (Passover dinner) next month. *sigh*
Anyway, I'm open to your views on the matter, kind readers.

Other than that I had an okay day. Work was ok, nothing too exciting. Though I must say I'm generally less miserable there. I'm not sure if it's because I've had more to do and keeping busy makes me less miserable, or because I have found happiness in the diving, so everything else seems manageable. Hard to tell, but it really doesn't matter. As long as I'm happier.

Tonight as I was unlocking the door to my apartment, my neighbour, Bruno (Princess Blondie's boyfriend) opened his door across the hall and asked me if I'd like to have some dinner. How sweet is that!?! I love my neighbours so much I could just cry. They're too good to me. So after a long day at work I sat down with Bruno, Princess Blondie and Bruno's sister and had some dinner. And afterwards I sat and had tea with them, and then we watched Bruno play Mafia on his Playstation 2. It was a really nice way to finish off my evening. *grin*

So now I'm just chilling and weighing some decisions......what do you guys think?

 
I feel I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that it is the Jewish holiday of Purim. It's generally the favourite holiday of Jewish children as it calls for people to dress up and party (much like Halloween for we westerners). The holiday (like nearly all the other holidays) celebrates surviving yet another group of people trying to kill us. lol. This time it was the Jews living in Persia who were almost killed off by Haman. You can get information here on the holiday if you are interested. For a somewhat sobering look at celebrating this fun holiday, go here to Allison's post. She talks about the difficulties of celebrating a happy holiday in a country where heavy security is on every corner to protect the revellers.

Otherwise, I wish all my Jewish readers a Purim Sameach, and to everyone else, a great week!
And for me...I'm gonna go do some more diving!! woohoo!

 
Yup. That's a picture of me diving in the Red Sea last June, when I was in Eilat, Israel. That was the beginning of the end, and now I have gone and taken a second job at a diving shop, and am in the midst of getting my first level of certification. Who knew that a little dip in the sea would lead to all this? Not me, I can tells ya that much!

I am exhausted after a long day on very little sleep. My friend's airplane came in late last night, so I didn't get to bed until 1am, and I was up and at the pool for 8:30am. Actually, that's not entirely accurate, I showed up quite late as I realized *just* before I arrived, that I had forgotten my towel, like a complete dumbass. So I had to turn my car around and head back home. I was running so late by the time I was on my way back that my boss called to see if I remembered I had a class. D'oh! Not a good thing to show up late to a class when (a) you work in the shop and (b) when your boss is letting you take it for free.

Anyway, it was a fantastic day with a really great class. I am in a class with 5 other guys, and we all seem to get along really well. It was tons of fun and we practiced all our skills in the pool and did our best to not drown. Really, it was so much fun, I can't wait for tomorrow.

I'd love to talk more about it, but frankly, I need sleep. I've rewarded myself with pizza and Coke (a rarity since cleaning up my eating habits) and now I want a nice hot bath. After that we'll see if I can stay awake through a movie...then it's bedtime so I am fresh as a daisy (and hopefully punctual) for tomorrow's class. I may not be able to write tomorrow, as I am going right from my class to my parent's place for dinner; my grandma is in town, so the family is gathering. I'll be pretty tired by the time I get there, and even moreso after dinner, so I might post on Monday. We'll see.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend....

oh! And Happy Birthday to one of my bestest friends Melra!

 
So you know how it is when you plan something out in your head? You know.....you map out how things are gonna go, and what people are gonna say and what you're gonna say in return? And then when things *don't* go as you expect you can get mad or confused or....well. You get the point. And MY point is.....I am not planning on serving papers to anyone again. Ever.

It pretty much didn't go at ALL as I expected. First of all, I had to wait around the switchboard for almost twenty minutes while they tried to find the guy (and my friend was in her car, watching from a distance). The longer I had to wait the more stressed I was getting. When he finally came out I smiled all cute-like and said I had something for him, and tried to HAND the envelope to him.... and I was stunned when he showed resistence. I tried to slip that envelope right in his hand but he wasn't taking the bait. He wanted to know who I was, what was in the envelope and who sent me (basically, he knew what I was up to). Have I mentioned that I am a craptacular liar? Simply the worst, especially under pressure. After fumbling with some terrible lies I turned into a smart ass and asked if he'd like a little song with it to make it a singing telegram. By the end of it all I was just giving him a look and telling him not to make this any harder. Eventually through some means I'm not thrilled about he took the envelope and went on his way. Yikes. Something I thought would take 30 seconds took half an hour. And by the end of it I was all shakey from the adrenaline.

Afterwards my friend and I had a nervous-yet-excited little celebration. It was nice, and I was so happy for her. You could see the relief melt into excitement as she broke into the occasional fit of dancing and singing as she realized it's finally over. It made it alllll worth it, baby! :-)

Later last night I had dinner with Princess Blondie and her boyfriend Bruno (my neighbours across the hall). Then we hung out and then watched Survivor. We had so much fun..... *sigh*. I love those kids.

Tonight I'm chilling out and then picking up a friend from the airport. I already got my bathing suit, and I'm all pumped for the scuba classes tomorrow. Woot woot!! Scuba diving for me!!

 
Well, my mood is finally being restored today. I was into work extra early this morning (coz I need to get out early) and I don't have to work or go to a class tonight. I finally have an evening to chill out, and watch Survivor with my neighbours. It has become a ritual every Thursday that I walk across the hall and knock on their door, head in, and curl up on the couch to watch the show together. Nothing like having friends for neighbours. :-)

I'm also in a good mood today because I am helping a friend bring closure to a very painful chapter in her life. Today I am going to walk up to her ex and serve him with divorce papers. I will do my best to keep the large grin off my face, but it will be hard when I know what a sonofabitch he has been to her. A real crime considering this girl truly has a heart of gold (and no, I'm not just saying this because I'm her friend...she really is "one of the good ones").

I have been daydreaming about what I will say to him, and what fake name I will use when introducing myself while suckering him into taking the piece of paper I will be handing to him (what do you think of Sarah Blankenship? lol). It's much more glorified in my head than I'm sure it will end up being, but there have so many movies about this that I run the range of scenarios in my head; everything from him threatening to kill me, to him crumpling to the floor in a pool of tears (wouldn't happen, but if it did I'd have to fight the urge to whip out my digicam to catch his sorry mug finally showing remorse). Maybe I shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but sometimes we have to find the little joys in life.
But most of all, I am glad my friend can move on. She deserves it more than anyone I know, as she has struggled to find herself and her happiness. And if I can help her out, than I damn well will. Sometimes friends are called upon for the strangest favours.... this has definitely been a new one for me. lol. And I am happy and honoured to do it. I'll let you know how it goes.

Meanwhile, a few other things have lifted my mood. The haircut I got last night is making me happy. And today I got my computer nerd/tech guy to call my isp and yell at them for me. I think the connection is better, but I'll have to spend more time on it to really find out. But so far it seems to be much improved! Hurray.

And it's been a while since I've mentioned anything about Israel, so let me bring a story to everyone's attention. In order to keep with the theme of a happy day, I have found an article that shows the efforts in Israel to cultivate peace and tolerance among Arabs and Jews. Recently, 200 Palestinian and Israeli children got together for a bilingual soccer training session. The interesting part was that they didn't just have the sides play against each other, they actually mixed them up and had them play together on mixed teams. Arabs and Jews playing on the same team and working together! They were able to overcome language issues with hand signals, and found that they in fact weren't so different afterall.
This may seem silly to much of the Western world, but every little bit helps in this struggle for peace. You won't ever convince the adults to change their minds when it comes to hate, but there might still be a chance with this younger generation. Here's hoping there's more activities like this in the future...*anything* to foster better relations.

 
Well my mood is slowly improving today. I was still a bit grumpy this morning, but I've got an appointment to get a haircut this afternoon, which always makes me happy (plus it gets me out of work a bit early, which also makes me happy). Short hair is bliss, I tells ya (especially if you're taking up diving).

Last night I had an odd dream in which I was locked into this crazy debate with myself over whether or not to buy some wooden bench. It was truly bizarre, because I can't imagine why I would figure I needed one, but I guess that's dreams for ya. I seemed to really be wrestling with the idea of buying it, and I think it all ties back to my dumb debate over buying that necklace. Seems I wanted it even more than I thought. LOL. How exactly that translates to a wooden bench in my mind, I'll never know.

This morning my beloved neighbour across the hall, Princess Blondie, called me up when I got to work. She said, rather excitedly, that the last episode of this season of Survivor was going to be aired on a big screen in Madison Square Garden. I said...."uh...ok. And?" There was a pause. "Are you suggesting that we take a road trip to New York to go see it there??" I laughed. That was a pretty crazy suggestion...and I liked it! What better way to celebrate our Survivor ritual (of watching it every Thursday night together) than with a big party at the end. Gives us an excuse to get out of town. :-) And hey...maybe I'll be able to meet up with a certain NY blogger I know... hurray!!

So that helped to improve my mood. Not sure if it'll happen (I can't afford a necklace, where do I think I'm going to get money for this??) but it's enough to pick up my spirits today. Tonight I have to head over to my second job at the diving shop, so I'm not gonna get home until late again. And at some point I have to buy a damn bathing suit. I'm not one of those girls who loves to shop, so I'm not relishing the thought. I hate trying clothes on, it's a pain in the ass, and it's even *worse* if it's a bathing suit. Not only that, but I'm going to have to make a snap decision because I am extremely limited for time. Stupid bathing suit, fragga shmagga. Why oh why did I have to leave my bathing suit in Israel last year...WHY???

Oh, and one last point. In my attempt to clean up my habits (eating and exercising, that is) this past month, I am happy to report I have finally broken one of my hardest habits. Until now, the only thing more white than my pastey skin colour, was my bread. But now I have graduated to whole wheat bread, ladies and gentlemen. I don't love it yet, but maybe in time. I'm at least not hating it like I used to. lol. And I'm sure not going to go with the 50 grain bread that makes me feel like I'm running through a wheat field with my mouth open. But it's a start. Hell, I've conquered whole wheat bread, I can do anything now! haha

 
I am in one wicked-assed bad mood. It's really friggin' annoying....I'm not altogether sure what's caused it, though I have my suspicions. First and foremost, I think I'm starting to crack a little trying to fit everything I want to do into my days. Working two jobs and doing my Hebrew class and all that...it's starting to stress me out a bit, I think (my boss caught me doing Hebrew homework at work today, at my desk. not cool). Also, I had a bad class tonight which is a first. My teacher has decided that my class (myself and two others, it's tiny) is ready to just move up and join the next level class (that we already sit in on. it's the class right after ours, so we just stay and listen in on their class). This has me a bit upset because the other class is way farther ahead, and I'm simply not ready for it. So this bums me out, and I'm feeling very discouraged. If this is her plan for the next semester (starting in April) then I don't know if I want to sign up again; I'm not paying $200 for a course that I'm completely lost in. It's waste of my time and money and will only discourage me further. But I would be so heartbroken if I didn't have a class....I really want to learn.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm just being melodramatic because I'm in a mood, but right now that's how I feel. I'm sure I'll get over it by morning, and for sure by next class. *fingers crossed*

On top of that, almost my entire class leapt down my throat over this fucking "The Passion of the Christ" movie. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut about having seen it. I don't even want to talk about it anymore, this movie is so not worth me getting worked up over again. I'm tired of it, and I'm tired of hearing about the movie.

I think I'm just bummed that I haven't won the lottery. LOL! Man oh man, I keep buying tickets, but this plan just hasn't been working out! I can't afford a dumb necklace let alone a trip to Israel. And I'm dyin' inside for both at the moment (I feel like such a drama queen. lol).
*sigh* I want so much to go back and visit Israel..............................

I think I should just shut up now before I wake up in the morning and reread this and want to crawl under a rock with embarrassment over what I've whined about. The people in Iraq have real problems, I just have obstacles and mood swings. No necklace and no trip to Israel does NOT equal the end of the world. I think I'll go have a nice calm bath, relax a little and remember that I have far more to be grateful for than ungrateful.

 
Will someone PLEASE talk me out of buying this necklace??? I want it so bad that it's makin' me crazy. I sit and stare and think about how pretty it would be around my neck. *sigh* Meanwhile I'm considering getting a roommate because my rent is too high and it's putting me in the poorhouse. I *know* I should stop my frivilous spending, but this necklace...it speaks to me...it says.... "buy me! love me!" Hahaha.....
The shipping alone (to Canada), is $18. $18!!! US DOLLARS, which is like a thousand Canadian dollars (or at least it feels like it). That means, (assuming I'm the only bidder) it would be $42.95 US....which is about... $57.64 CAN. Ouch!! See how I can't possibly justify spending that kind of money??? I haven't even got a bathing suit for the diving course this weekend...THAT is what I should be spending my money on!!! *pout*

*sigh* I hate being poor, it sucks ass.
Ok, I'm gonna try and book out of work early and get home to grab a quick bite to eat before Hebrew class tonight. Yay!
Maybe I'll have more to write about tonight..

 
Ok, I take back what I said about dreading the fact that I had to go to my second job after work today, coz weeeeeee! I had a GREAT shift! My boss has signed me up for my certification course this weekend! For FREE! woot woot, BOOGA BOOGA!!
I am one mighty happy camper right about now. Very very excited. Very.

So of course my brain wants to ruin this happy moment for me by thinking about things too much. You see, I'm already struggling to put in enough study time for my Hebrew class, and I'm just not getting as much homework done as I'd like to. And learning Hebrew is a top priority, so I can't afford to let that slip. It's important to me. However, between two jobs, it's getting mighty difficult to find the time. And NOW I got a lot of diving books I need to read this week before the course this weekend, so when am I going to do my homework for next week's Hebrew class? I usually spend lots of time on the weekend doing it, but with the diving course I will be in class from 8:30am - 6pm Saturday AND Sunday....there's definitely no time for homework then. And I'm working both jobs again on Wednesday! aarrgghhh!!

*sigh* Must not stress myself out. I will make the time for the Hebrew and I will make the time to read the diving textbook. I just won't be too social this week is all. haha...being social is overrated anyway! pfft.
Anyway, just wanted to share my happy news. And weeeeeeeeeee!

 
I was in a good mood for most of the day. Then some disagreements with co-workers started to take that all downhill for me...and I am perpetually cursing the ISP here at work, as it works like a dream for about 5 minutes in a row, and then won't load a page for a good 30 - 40 seconds. Then it will work fine again, loading pages lightening fast, and then it won't load jacksquat a few minutes later. It truly makes me angry, and it's why I usually don't post from work like this. It often eats up posts.

And I have found out I'm working tonight at my second job. I was looking forward to going home and doing some homework, but it'll have to wait until after both jobs now. And who are we kidding, I'll be too tired to do homework. That's why I'm posting now...not sure how lively I'll feel by the time I get home tonight. *snore*

Meanwhile I am looking at things on eBay that I would like to buy. I am currently drooling over this item and would give a kidney for it I want it so bad. Ok, maybe not a kidney..maybe my gallbladder, I can do without that. Isn't it pretty???? *sigh* It's also a trillion dollars, or it might as well be. Once you do the dollar exchange, it's a lot of money, and I really shouldn't be spending that kind of money on something that isn't a necessity. *pout*
But isn't it pretty!?!?! Oh how I love it so.

So last night I went to see the movie "Monster" with my friend. The theatre was nearly empty since everyone was off watching the Oscars, so it was nice. Or so I thought. I figured it would be good because there were only 5 pairs of people (my friend and I included) and so we could all have our space and quiet. Amazingly, *every* single idiot felt the need to talk during the movie. ALL of them. And they wouldn't bother to lean into each other and whisper, either. At one point my friend asked the people behind us to be quiet. Then later I told some others to shut up. It just never stopped and I could only wonder what they felt the need to discuss all this time.
At the end of the film I got up and walked over to the couple that had annoyed me most and said: "Next time perhaps you could see fit NOT to talk during the *entire* movie, because it's REALLY friggin' rude!!!". They just stared at me in stunned silence, looking a bit shocked. They said nothing, and I turned on my heel and walked away.

My friend was evidently more pissed off than I, because she tracked down the theatre manager and asked where the hell the ushers were that are supposed to come in and check up on things. Finally the manager just gave us free passes for another movie. Hurray! But grrr! lol Believe me I would have taken a quiet theatre over free passes.

The movie was great, if not disturbing. Charlize Theron did a fantastic job, and managed to both horrify and draw sympathy. She certainly did justice to the real life woman she portrayed. Wonderful performance, but maybe not the film for everyone. There are some violent scenes that can be a little hard to watch (especially for women).

Anyway, if I think of anything interesting to say after work tonight I'll post again. Otherwise, have a good night.

 
Am I the only one who gets paranoid about a good mood? Everytime I catch myself in a good mood I have a moment where I wonder....when's the other shoe gonna drop? As if this good mood can't possibly last, and something bad is going to happen. If one isn't careful, this type of overanalysis can really ruin a fine moment.

Anyway, I've been enjoying a relaxing weekend. Yesterday I worked, but it wasn't like WORK work....I drove around to other scuba diving shops all over the city to shop them and check out the competition (yes, my new boss actually paid me to do this). So I got to drive around Toronto on a beautiful sunny day. Can't complain about that! (except for the occasional parking problem. I could bitch about that forever.)
While I was out I called up a friend of mine (the one who went to see The Passion with me) coz he lived in the area, and we went out for some sushi. After that we walked around downtown and did a little shopping. It was really fun, and as I said, a beautiful day to be out and about.
After that I came home and just kind of lounged; I was tired so I turned down plans with my friends and just chilled. Later I met up with a good friend of mine I haven't seen in months, and we went grocery shopping together. The friends who buy groceries together, stay together, I always say! :-D He's a sweetheart, so I was pretty happy to see him. And hey, buying food is always good.

Today has been more of the same relaxing. Called my friend in England this morning and talked for an hour. I really miss her and her husband. *pout* And then I did some Hebrew homework for my class, and then I took a break and went for a walk. I couldn't stay in when the weather has been so warm this weekend (10C / 50F, which may not seem warm to most, but to Canadians we're practically ready to break out the shorts! That's *really* warm for February!!). Anyway, I took a stroll up the street to the Turkish grocery store that I visited before to pick up the pop that I liked so much the last time I was there. Folks, if you can get your hands on this soda from Turkey, try it! It's amazing. Here's the website (I particularly like the sales pitch in broken english: "We highly recommend 2 bottles of these delicious tastes daily for a healthy and alive lifetime... ". Yeah I'll BET you recommend I drink two a day! LOL).

And for the rest of the night I had resolved myself to more Hebrew homework and the Oscars, but a friend has called me up and lured me out to see the movie "Monster". At first I whimpered that I would miss the Oscars, but then I thought....do I really care?? lol I have always watched them, but I think that was in large part due to the fact that I had a best friend who loved watching them. It was always so much fun watching them with her but now I'm on my own and the thrill is gone. So I'm gonna spend some quality time with a friend I haven't seen since December. For shame! Never let that much time pass between seeing good friends, it's a crime.

That's it. No controversy today folks....just me blabbing about things you probably couldn't care less about. lol Such is life! Hope you all had a nice relaxing weekend too.

 
I wish people would relax a little about this damn movie. Like anything "big" in the news, it will be old news in 6 months or less. Life moves on and other issues come up and monopolize the news. People's overreactions have been fuelling the engine of this marketing beast, and are making the fever continue to burn on. Relax, it's just a movie. And to my fellow Jews: we have survived far worse. This movie is not the end of us. I'm sure many will think I am trivializing it, but the fact of the matter is, Israel has bigger issues to contend with right now. And guess what? Israelis aren't so much outraged as they are curious about the movie, unlike what the press would have you believe. Read the article here.

The fallout from my review hasn't been as bad I expected. Civax has shown some support (thank you sweetie. this is why I adore you), though I think JJ has taken exception to me as he has delinked me and not said a word to me on my site or his. In fact he had deleted a comment of mine on his site, something I had never done to him here. I could be reading his silence all wrong (please, correct me if I'm wrong, JJ) but I think the delinking says it all. Oh well, do what you feel you need to (though typing in "celestial blue" into Google all the time to visit me must be a bit annoying when just clicking the link was faster. LOL! you delink me but still come to visit? You're a strange lad, you are). Why have you forsaken me, JJ???? hahahaha.... :-P Nevermind, I know why you did.

Anyway! I've had time to ponder the movie a little more and had a bit more to add. Then hopefully I can follow my own advice and start to let it go.
One of the glaring problems with the movie is that it focuses almost soley on the sheer violence of what was done to Jesus. What I mean is, there is very little story other than that, and so it's hard for non Christians to understand what's going on; it's presumed that the audience understands what led up to Jesus being brought before the Romans. At one part during the movie, I turned to my friend and whispered that I had no idea what was going on. I was straining my brain to recall what facts I knew to help me piece the story together, since Mel Gibson didn't feel the need to tell a complete story. He wanted you to see the horrible atrocities committed against Jesus, and we did. But as with any good story, you first must have the audience invested in the main character. You want the audience to feel sympathy. And for those who aren't Christian, it's awfully hard to do when we don't know what wonderful things this man did before he was tortured and killed. For Jews, all we see is that some Jew was lynched by a bunch of other Jews and eventually led to his death. This doesn't sit too well with us when that's the entire storyline. You want us to appreciate the movie and the story, and understand why it needed to be told? Then try offering some background, more of the flashbacks, less of the whipping. We get that his death was brutal, but what about his life? What good does it do to focus on his death when some of us aren't even clear on what he did in life?

I think it's for this reason that people are upset with the violence. It's not that it's violent, so much as it's nearly non-stop violence. The storyline is weak, and in my mind, doesn't do much to promote the love as was intended. Had Mel shown more of the wonderful teachings and acts of Jesus, it would have made the violent parts much more poignant. Instead it showed a man tortured and killed for two hours, with random flashbacks including one in which we see Jesus building a table and chairs. Hunh??


So it's not that I had an issue with violence, but even Quentin Tarantino gives more of a storyline than this. Use blood if you feel it will serve the story, but make sure you HAVE a story in the movie somewhere. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. Feel free to read an article here, expressing similar thoughts. And in this article another good question is raised...why was the resurrection part so short in the movie? It's like Mel Gibson was deliberately avoiding any happy parts of the movie (or any chance for feelings of hope). Very odd. (pssst..you can make a serious point and show happy stuff at the same time, Mel. it won't ruin the impact!)
And as a last point... I think it's wrong to talk about banning the movie in Israel. I think if a Israeli wants to see what s/he is up against in the debate, it is up to them. Don't make that decision for any Jew, let them make that choice for themselves.
(also, a poll has been released showing that 1 in 4 Americans blame Jews for the death of Jesus. Yikes. And that was taken BEFORE the movie came out.)

But enough on that. This movie is getting far more attention than it deserves as it is.
Meanwhile, as life goes on, so does the insidiousness of antisemitism. Like it or not, it's problem that IS getting worse, and some Arabs don't even try to hide their dislike for Jews. Check out this latest news that Saudi Arabia has begun to issue tourist visas for the first time, but not to Jews or anyone who even has an Israeli stamp in their passports. No Jews, please! Well at least they flat out say they don't like Jews..no beating around the bush there! Drat, there goes my trip to Saudi Arabia. You should really check out the article as it also outlines how women are to conduct themselves upon arrival. And when you're done reading it I want you to kiss the ground of your country and be grateful.


I think that about does it for me. I have to go to work...my second job calls. Pfft! Who needs a day off, anyway??
I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend. Try and stay out of trouble.

 
Where do I begin........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Ok, let me start with this: before you make a comment of any sort (especially YOU, JJ!!) you better have seen the movie. Otherwise you'll be talking out of your ass and contradicting me based on your personal beliefs and not what you saw. When I speak of my thoughts you must remember they are based on the film, not necessarily my own personal beliefs. Stretch your brain a little and try to see the difference, because there is one.

So let me reiterate....if you haven't seen the movie, you can hardly speak intelligently and in an informed way about it. I do not want to see people using quotes from other people who have seen the movie in place of having seen it themselves. So if you don't like what I'm saying but haven't seen the movie, you'll have to go out and see it and then come back and take me on. Until then, bugger off and attack someone else. I can and will delete any dumbass who thinks s/he knows it all, but hasn't taken the time to see the movie before forming opinions.
Ok? I have read the riot act. Let us move on..

Are you ready? I thought the film was good. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I liked it. That's right folks, a Jew who thought it was a good movie! Egads, what's the world coming to??? Well, before you go all mental and start calling me a self-loathing Jew, hear me out. I assure you, just because I liked the movie doesn't mean I didn't disagree with parts of it, because I most certainly did.

First, the positives. It was a cinematically gorgeous film, if you can't see that much you're really looking to hate the film. The techniques employed were very well done and served the film well. The slowing down of certain sequences, the wash of different colours and hues to show the mood, and the special effects were amazing. I was very impressed, I did not expect to be so impressed by it.
As for the blood and gore....if you have seen a Quentin Tarantino film you can handle this. It is no more bloody than his films (which I personally think were bloodier), I just think people have a harder time with it because it is more believable than the fun and often ridiculous Tarantino films. People don't like it because it makes them uncomfortable...they can put themselves in Jesus' place all too easy, and no one wants to imagine that.

The way the Devil was portrayed was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. He was creepy and insidious and made your skin crawl. He was terrifying but for reasons you couldn't quite put your finger on. He was very subtle, unlike past portrayals that are too over the top or stereotypical. Very very well done.

I have always appreciated the use of subtitles in a film as I feel the use of different languages helps capture the actual feel of the movie as it was originally intended. The use of Aramaic and Latin served it's purpose well, and helped transport you back to the time. Personally, I was excited that I understood quite a few words (Aramaic is very similar to Hebrew); I'm sure someone who speaks Hebrew fluently will have understood much more than me. Anyway, it certainly added to the film, it didn't take away from it. I commend the actors for making you believe they have been speaking it their whole lives; their performances were very believable and passionate.

The actors were amazing, all of them. It's too bad this film will never see Oscars because of it's controversy; You can disagree with the movie all you like, but if you saw it you'd have to agree that James Caviezel was astounding. His performace was one of a lifetime. Hats off to him and the rest of the actors doing an amazing job, and in a tongue not native to them. Not an easy task.

Now then.....beyond all that gushing, yes, I have issues with parts of it. But first let me say that I don't think this film is antisemitic, per se (oy, I'm gonna get it for even saying that). By that I mean that the *goal* of the movie was not to slander Jews. It may have done so as a bi-product, but it's sole intent was not to set out and make the world think badly of Jews. Frankly, I think it's a bit egocentric of we Jews to suppose that it is all about antisemitism. The movie was about Jesus, not JUST about Jews bringing Jesus to his death. Are you seeing the difference? It didn't revolve solely around the implication of the Jews, that was only a part of it. So while I may feel there are arguably antisemitic parts of the film, the film in itself is not. (and don't even try and tell me that if there are parts of it that are, it is entirely. again, we're talking about what the focus of the movie was, and guess what? it wasn't on the Jews. It was on one Jew.)

That being said, let me mention a few parts I wasn't happy about as a Jew watching the film.
I really wasn't happy with the portrayal of Jews as a bloodthirsty crowd. It seemed like a bit much, and unlikely that they would bring one of their own forward to have a Roman kill him. But whatever, I think we've debated long enough on that matter.

I was deeply deeply disturbed by how much Pontius Pilate's murderous nature was downplayed. He was portrayed as some kind of timid leader, afraid of a crowd of Jews. Say what?? You mean the man who was recalled back to Rome by Caesar five years later because he was too brutal a ruler?? You're telling me THIS man was afraid of an uprising, when he was part of a group of people who conquered and ruled a whole land and it's people? A CROWD scared him?? Yeah ok.
If you're gonna paint Jews as bloodthirsty murderers, do us all a favour and make sure you do the same for one of the greatest murderers of all time. Please and thank you.

Also, after Jesus had been whipped and beaten within an inch of his life and brought back to Pontius, a short dialogue took place between Pontius and Jesus in which Pontius urged Jesus to speak up, and give him reason not to kill him. He said something to the effect of (and no, I don't know the exact quote, so don't jump down my throat) having the power over him to kill him. And Jesus said something about the fact that the only one who had power over him was his Father, and that the only ones who had truly sinned were the ones who had brought him before Pontius (let me help you out, that would be the Jooos!). I had issues with that, as it implied that the Jews were the greatest sinners in the matter. (if anyone can recall the lines of the movie better then me and my failing memory have, please let me know)

Next. I had problems with the fact that Jewish children were demonized in order to show Judas going mad. I've had a heated debate today with my friend who saw it with me, but did not see my point on this one. In the scene, some children approached Judas who was clearly losing his marbles. And in a strange turn of events (just go see the damn movie) the children's faces turned all weird and demonic (loved the special effects even if I didn't like the point). Must we make Jews look more like evildoers and devils than we already have? What I mean is...was it critical to the story? Was there no other way to show he was going mad? I get why they used the Jewish mob to bring Jesus to the Romans (even if I don't like it) but there was no need to make the children look like children of the devil. Really now, how evil do you need the Jews to look?? Tsk. It's just unnecessary is all...there's other ways to accomplish what they wanted.

What else? (damn I know I'm forgetting something) I also have to admit...I wasn't too keen on the portrayal of the Jews at the site of the crucifixion. Again, was it not enough that they were blamed for bringing Jesus to the Romans, now they are taunting him and spitting on him? *sigh*

But in the end there are some things to remember about the movie. Firstly, there were several scenes in which Jews pleaded to stop the crucifixion, mostly in the crowds that lined the path as Jesus walked while carrying his cross. There were several instances where Jews showed great despair and begged the Romans to free him. Hm, I'm pretty sure I don't remember hearing that in the reviews by Jews (hard to call the film antisemitic when there are parts in which Jews are portrayed in a positive light, isn't it?).

Also, the movie was very much about the relationship between Jesus and Mary. You'd have to be souless to not be moved while watching Mary as she tries to be near her child through his torture. You can't tell me you aren't the least bit moved by the heartwrenching scenes in which she is made to watch her child die, helpless to stop it and begging to go with him. It was, in part, a story about a mother and her son. If you put all the other religious stuff aside and see that aspect of it, it is indeed a moving film.

In the end I walked away feeling like both the Jews AND the Romans were painted in a pretty bad light. But there's one other thing to keep in mind....those times back then were brutal, folks. People had their hands cut off just for stealing bread, and some were killed just for being different. Civilization as we know it now was non-existent then. Years later people carried on further heinous acts in the name of religion when the witch hunts began and thousands died for being different (or for only being perceived to be something they maybe weren't). Jesus was not the only Jew crucified, but he was one that has a story that lives on. And like it or not the story will continue to live on, and as Jews we had best start thinking of better ways to deal with controversy than this...because in case you didn't notice all the hoopla has in fact drawn more people to see it than would have without all the press.

Do I think the film was antisemitic? No. Do have issues with how Jews were portrayed? Absolutely. But I didn't walk out of there feeling like my life was in more danger than when I went in (then again, I live in Canada, not France). And I don't believe it will cause the avalanche of antisemitism that everyone fears it will. It may add to it, but it won't be the straw that will break the camels back. Antisemitism is growing and this is not the cause.

 
Well, I bought some tickets online (things are starting to sell out) and I am getting ready to meet up with my friend to see the movie. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was getting a bit nervous about what the crowd will be like. It's easy to be a loudmouth about wearing my necklace and letting everyone know I'm a Jew.....when I'm sitting in my living room. haha.. However, this IS Canada, perhaps the most polite nation on the earth, so I'm not too concerned. If anything, I'm actually concerned about any Jews who may have decided to protest outside. I'd be surprised if there were any (again, Canada here, follks. lol) but stranger things have happened. My Hebrew teacher begged me last night to not go to the movie, but I said I must. If I intend to understand, I have to. The end.

The first reports are starting to come in, and people seem really shocked by the violence. This CNN.com article shows a picture of an audience (looking a bit horrified) as they watch. When trying to coax another friend of mine to join me tonight, she declined and cited the violence as one of the reasons she wouldn't go. I was surprised.

What is making MY stomach turn is the merchandise/jewelry being marketed for the movie. Check it out here. Personally I find the spike necklace (a spike on a leather cord, representing the spike put through Jesus' hand) in incredibly poor taste. I can see where Michele would want to kick Gibson in the nuts. If you want people to take your movie seriously as a work of art and an expression of genuine religious love, don't whore yourself out with cheap gimmick junk. It looks bad, Mel, it looks bad.

Anyway, I hope whoever sees it shares their views with the rest of us and let's us know what they think.

 
I'm in a good mood. I just got back from my Hebrew class, which always puts me in a fantastic mood. And on my way home I went to a grocery store that my classmates told me about that carries lots of Israeli products, and got my favourite dessert/pudding from Israel (Milky). I practically lived on the stuff when I was there. *swoon* I'm so happy, even if it *did* cost me an arm and a leg (note to self: check the prices before grabbing stuff off the shelf; it helps to avoid surprises at the cash register). Oh how I love this pudding.

Anyway, have I mentioned that, in an effort to further my Hebrew, I have been listening to a Hebrew language/learning course in my car to and from work? Yeah, that equals a good 40 mins everyday, at least. It's all I play in my car now, coz I'm a big nerd. Sometimes it gets annoyingly repetitive, but it's been helping a lot. I often have a good laugh at how cheesy the lessons are, and at how I must look yakking away to myself while on the highway. A big thanks goes to Dan who let me upload it from him; he was a total sweetie and thought of me when he got a hold of it, so he shared.

Also, I am a very very happy girl because I am lucky enough to have the best audience out there. Seriously, I love you guys to death. The conversations we have been having over the last two weeks has given me such wonderful food for thought, and for that I am grateful. I appreciate you all sharing your views and having respect for one another. It shows we can conduct an intelligent debate, and challenge each other to rise above stereotypes and see the world through the eyes of another. You guys are the best. (as a side note, I'd REALLY like my regular reader from Singapore to stand up and say hi...I know you're on here, and I'd like to hear from you! what's your story? :-)

Tomorrow is the big day; the release of the movie "The Passion of the Christ". The moment we have been debating for. I have invited a (Catholic) friend of mine to come see it with me; I look forward to his views, it's wonderful talking to him about anything. Such an intelligent lad. I joked with him that he should wear a Cross necklace and I'd wear a Magen David (Star of David) necklace and we'd walk in holding hands, just to stir things up. "See?? Why can't we all just get along??"
But seriously, I intend to wear a Magen David necklace, absolutely. I'm sure lots of Jews are gonna tell me it's a stupid thing to do, but I will not hide. I want a Jew to be seen viewing this movie, seen finding out for herself instead letting others make up her mind for her. If that gets my ass kicked, so be it.

In light of the coming film, I have dug up a few more articles.
This article is from a Jewish site, and it covers a strange array of points, including the fact that the Palestinian leader (Arafat) has said that the Palestinian people identify with Jesus ("he lived as a refugee under occupation." oy, don't even get me started).

Here's a (Canadian) article outlining in rather graphic detail, certain parts of the movie. Gives a hint of things to come, as many are already saying it is more bloody and violent than expected.

CNN.com is all over it like white on rice with articles here (check out the gory picture!), here (talks about it opening on more screens than first forecasted), here (a *really* interesting article saying the Pope in fact did NOT endorse the film or say "It is as it was"), and here (where Gibson is reported as having said "The worst has yet to come", meaning, the controversy is only getting started. yeah, no kidding, Mel).

Also, I *highly* recommend checking out Ocean Guy's post in which he does a fabulous job of rounding up reviews of the movie from folks who have already seen it.

This should all be *very* interesting...... (keep your eye on the news for any reports of a mouthy Jewish girl getting her ass kicked in a movie theatre in Toronto. LOL!!!)

And in closing, I'd like to send my condolences to the people of Morocco who suffered a terrible earthquake early today. The reports are vague, but the losses are estimated between 300 - 600. That's huge, folks. And I'm getting nervous of all these quakes in the Middle East (area); Iran, Israel, Turkey and Morocco?? Things are really moving over there.
My thoughts and prayers are with the families who are suffering.

 
Ok, I'm gonna make this a quick post because I am exhausted; worked both jobs today on 5 hours sleep, and I'm ready to drop.

A couple of other bloggers have weighed in on the debate over "The Passion of the Christ". I think Michele made me laugh the hardest, as she went from an excited self-proclaimed "former" Catholic to an angry one, wishing she could "kick Mel Gibson in the nuts". She sites marketing tasteless merchandise as her reason for change of heart and I certainly can't blame her. Check out her post. Meanwhile Ocean Guy has tackled the subject several times here, here, here and here. Also, if you didn't check out the article that si put up her page (written by the Roman Catholic bishop of San Jose) be sure to check it out here, it's really wonderful.

Also, as you may or may not know, the movie was filmed entirely in the languages of Aramaic and Latin, with English subtitles. There is an interesting article here on the Aramaic language; I highly recommend checking it out.

And here's a disturbing report about 15 swastikas and the words "Kill all Jews" found written on the walls of an apartment building in New York. Gee, why are we Jews gettin' so nervous about this movie, I wonder? lol

And let us not forget those lost in yesterday's terrorist attack in Israel; here is a webpage dedicated to keeping track of the losses Israel has incurred through this fight with terrorism: Casualties of War. Wondering what all the fuss is about? Wondering why Israel wants to build a fence? Check that page out to get a glimpse into the high cost Israel has paid for it's existence. HebrewLion discusses his confusion about the public outcry over the fence, and has some excellent points.

And that's it for me. Bedtime for bonzo. See y'all tomorrow.

 
Let me tell you what my morning routine is, ok?
I get up, and I go straight to my computer. I check my e-mail and then I click on CNN.com to see if things are ok in Israel. If there is news of a bombing, I then start clicking on the Israeli sites for the details.

Today was one of those mornings I dread. I clicked on CNN.com and saw this. An attack in Israel, splashed all over the front page. And you know what? I didn't cry right away like most mornings when I see this; know why? Because I had a feeling I was going to see that when I got up this morning. I wasn't even surprised. And you know what? I SHOULD be. I damn well should be surprised. I damn well should be crying. Instead I am once again filled with rage. Rage comes first, and then as I read more details the despair will settle in and I will cry. Cry for what my people have to endure, yet again. Lives needlessly lost. 8 dead (others will no doubt die of their wounds in coming days) and 60 wounded (and please remember, losing an arm/leg is considered "wounded). Just 24 days after the last bombing..
If you are brave enough, the survivors tell their stories here.

It was 8:30am, and the bus that was targeted was full of students, many around age 18. Not surprisingly, there are reports of devastated and scared families buckling under the pressure of living in Jerusalem, saying they are considering leaving the hotspot of a city. Can you blame them? How much more can a nation take, all the while having the world condemn them for trying to protect themselves? Israellycool has a quote of the day that sums it up the best.


Build the fence. Faster please.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check on Rinat and HebrewLion.
Meanwhile, take a hard look at the pics in this post. Those are BODIES, folks. And if you call it anything other than murder, you're wrong. Someone did this. On purpose. And the Palestinians couldn't be more proud.

 
I've had about enough of people shitting on me for their problems. After listening to my friend outline how it's everyone's fault but his own for the mess he's in, I finally started to say my piece on the matter (I let him drone on for 30 mins straight before offering my opinion). He kept cutting me off and finally I told him if he didn't let me speak there was no point in attempting to have a conversation. He said he'd stop, so I continued, and then he cut me off again. In a complete fit of frustration I screamed his name to try and get him to stop and then just said screw it, and hung up on him.

He called back a few minutes later (twice, actually), but I didn't answer. He left two messages. The first one outlined what a rotten friend I was for never calling. The second told me he wants nothing to do with me ever again, and to never call him again (didn't he just accuse me of never calling him anyway?? idiot). Yeah, it's tough when friends don't buy into your bullshit and do what you want them to and don't always agree with you, isn't it? Too bad, his loss. I wish I felt bad that he has walked away but I don't. Partly because I'm not up for his games, as I have been down this road with him too many times to count, including the "I never want to talk to you again" routine. Stop crying wolf, you'll be calling me again in 1 - 3 months when you've calmed down. Ucch. Go help yourself, no one else can anymore. I wish him the best of luck.

Meanwhile I now have a splitting headache and not nearly as much homework done as I wanted. That little weasel has actually gotten to me and now I can't focus. He should be damn lucky I don't go around advertising him and his problems (he's a "famous" actor. yes, many of you would know him. no, I won't tell you who he is, unfortunately I have too much respect for someone's privacy. famous or not, he still has problems and I won't be his punching bag. I was hoping his fame would attract Dr. Phil's attention and help me out, but now I'm regretting even wasting my time with that e-mail).

ANYWAY! No more time wasted on my friend. I am making a nice little dinner for myself, and then I am going out with some friends for the night. The one friend is the girl who lost her father (I went to the funeral on Valentine's Day), so I'm hoping we can cheer her up. THIS is a friend who deserves my time, and so she will get it.

And ...if I may say...I think I may have a date tomorrow. Hmph. Life is funny sometimes.

 
What do you do for someone when you have tried everything to help? Do you keep trying? Or do you give up before you lose yourself in his problems and have him drag you down too?
*sigh*

I have a good friend who is very deep trouble. He has been, off and on, for as long as I have known him. I have tried many times to help him in the past, setting him up with the people who could help him, and it has all failed. At one of his worst points I had to walk away, and we didn't speak for a year or so. He called me the other day and as we talked it was clear he is at his brink. He is asking for my help again, but I don't know what I can do that I haven't tried already. I have made calls, and I have asked for the advice of others who know better than I do. Unfortunately it is going to be up to my friend to make some tough changes and I don't know if he has it in him. I told him flat out that he is going to die if he doesn't start making some hard decisions in his life and start fighting to live instead of laying down and giving up. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to fight anymore. I told him that was his problems and depression talking, and that he would have to deal with that too.

Did I get across to him? Will he finally make a real change, or will it be a failed attempt like all the other times? I don't know, I guess I'll have to wait and see. I'll call him tomorrow and have a talk with him.

Aside from that being on my mind, I have had an okay day. I have been talking to someone by the name of "Lord Blade" online and have started a nice friendship. This makes me happy. And I have had a nice relaxing evening at home. I accidentally had me a looong nap after work, so I'm not sure what to do with the rest of my evening. I just watched my beloved show, Third Watch and maybe now I'll pop in a movie or something. Or maybe go for a walk, I feel like getting out of the house.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. ;-)

 
Today is one of those days where I am just feeling pretty darn good, and it's partly because it's a beautiful day here in the greater Toronto area. Most would still consider these temperatures freezing cold, but to we hardy Canadians we consider it downright balmy. We begin to get excited because we sense spring in the air, but all that will come crashing down when a storm rolls into town tonight bringing snow and freezing rain. Hey, I don't mind, I like the snow.
But enough about the weather!

I see this crazy Mel Gibson debate isn't going away. I've actually really enjoyed the conversation, I think everyone has brought up some excellent points (wait until the movie is out! then we'll see a debate). In my Hebrew class on Tuesday my teacher asked if any of us had seen the interview; many had, some had not. My teacher started to rant on and on about how crazy Mel Gibson was, and how evil he is. I was shocked and a little disappointed....she's much more educated than that, I thought she would say something with a little more depth, I guess. So I kept my mouth shut lest we launch into a huge debate instead studying Hebrew as we had paid to do. Our class has a way of getting into interesting conversations and forgetting why we're there. Other than that, class was good. My homework is starting to get pretty tough though and I'm trying to not get discouraged. It helps that I have a teacher that is ALL about positive reinforcement. Truly, she's a woman who clearly loves to teach, it's wonderful.

Last night I worked at my new job at the dive shop. Still have to say that it's overwhelming since I know NOTHING of diving, but I get pretty excited just being around the people and the equipment. lol. I can't wait to get diving!!! I think I'll likely start in the next week or two, we'll see. First I have to go shopping for a bathing suit, as I left mine in Israel last summer. Ugh, I hate shopping, let alone for a bathing suit. And maybe someone can explain to me why such a skimpy piece of clothing costs so much, because I sure don't get it.

Today was ok, I did some driving around for work, so that's good. It gets me out of the office and interacting with other people, and it's such a beautiful day to be out and about. I just had lunch with my neighbour, Princess Blondie, and we'll of course be getting together later tonight for Survivor. woo hoo!!
I also have invited my parents over for dinner. I made my first dish in my new slow cooker, so I thought I'd invite my mom seeing as she bought the slow cooker for me; that will make her feel very good about herself. lol. I decided to make myself a nice Jewish dish for my first meal in this new appliance, so I made dafina (or cholent, as some call it). I've actually never made it, but it seems to be good (it's sure not as good as the one my friend's mom makes...I would give anything for somma that!). I put it on last night before I went to bed and damn if the wonderful aroma didn't wake me up at 3am; mmmm...beefy goodness wafting through my apartment!

Anyway, I'd like to leave a few bits of information at the end here. One ties back to my point in the Mel Gibson debate, and has to do with the growing anti-semitism in Europe. Here is an article CNN.com had on it this morning (hey, if CNN is reporting it, it MUST be true, right? *wink*). You 'll notice the picture in the article shows a swastika spray painted on a Jewish tombstone in France. A problem? Oh, I'd say so. Here's Jerusalem Post's take on the matter. (also, here is an opinion piece from Jerusalem Post on the Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ)

Also, here's a good post from Little Green Footballs illustrating the tactics of Palestinian "militants" using children for cover during fighting. This is a favourite tactic of theirs because (a) Israel Defense Forces do everything they can to not kill innocent children, so it really slows them down in a fight (unlike Palestinians who go out of their way to kill women and children on buses) and (b) because if Israel *does* kill a child it is all over the media and makes them look bad. Be sure to at least look at the pics in the post, it says it all; pictures of terrorists hiding behind children in a gun battle. Sickening.

 
I know, I promised an exciting post, but frankly, I'm too tired. Worked both jobs today and I'm pretty sure my brain is melting. I'm trying to muster a little energy to make up a meal for tomorrow, as I have myself a brand new slow cooker. Woot! I couldn't be more excited!!! I've always wanted one, and my mother had a moment of kindness strike her so she bought me one. Eeeek! What shall I make in it first??

Anyway before I fall asleep at my computer (I foolishly got groceries after work so I'm beyond exhausted) let me just say that though I am tired I had a great day. Feeling good about both jobs, though still a little overwhelmed in the new one. I hate not knowing how to do anything. I am doing my best to practice great patience, I know these things take time.

And look at the cool present I got for my beloved neighbour across the hall, Princess Blondie; as you can probably figure out, it's a sparkly Princess picture frame. It's perfect coz of her name and coz she loooooves pink. I even put her picture in it for her an everything. Cute, hunh? If you like that girly stuff, I suppose.... haha.

 
(Preface: if you aren't the religious sort, this may bore you. However, I am not the religious sort either, so you may very well find it mildly interesting to watch me struggle to discuss a topic I'm not always comfortable with. Either way, let it be said this won't be a post about what fun things I did today, it will be a rather serious discussion, and I'm sure in the end, a serious debate as well. You are welcomed to join and share your views, but know that I demand respect for others, and if I find any comments bashing Christianity or Judaism I will delete them and ban the offender. Keep it intelligent and fair.)

Well, last night I watched as Diane Sawyer interviewed Mel Gibson about his upcoming film The Passion of the Christ, and I must say that I actually am more worried than ever. (if you happened to miss the first time I brought this topic up go back a few days to my post on Feb 13th and be sure to catch the colourful, if not lively, debate) In fact, I had one of the worst night's sleep in recent months as I tossed and turned and actually dreamt about it all night long! I know, that's sounds crazy, but sometimes my mind has a habit of not letting go of something; if I had half a brain at all I would have written this post last night before going to bed in an effort to get it out of my head, rather than composing it in my head all night in bed.

Before I (perhaps foolishly) dive into this topic again, I think it's important to clarify one thing. I don't think Mel is anti-semitic. I don't believe he did this in an effort to incite hate against Jews, I believe it may be a bi-product of what he has made. Intent DOES matter, and I don't believe that was his intent. However, this calls responsibility into question (he DID realize that there may be some who will take all this to say that Jews killed Jesus).

The whole crux of the debate is this: did Pontius Pilate willingly hand over Jesus to be crucified or was he blackmailed or afraid of the Jews and so handed Jesus over? I decided to look up some Catholic/Christian pages on the matter, since any Jewish pages on the matter would lean towards my bias.

According to Gibson's movie and much of the text in Catholicism, Pilate actually tried to save Jesus from being crucified but it was the throngs of "bloodthirsty Jews" who were screaming for his execution. Here is a quote I found from a bible study page to highlight this image:

"Which of the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor (Pilate). "Barabbas," they answered. "What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked. They all answered, "Crucify Him!" "Why? What crime has He committed?" asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify Him!" When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" All the people answered, "Let His Blood be on us and on our children!" Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed Him over to be crucified. Then the governor's soldiers [see Roman Legions] took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company of soldiers around Him." (Matthew 27:21-27)

And this is as the scene is shown in the movie. An "innocent" Pilate who is merely delivering Jesus to execution, as demanded by an angry crowd of Jews. You can see where Jews might object to this. In fact this same page goes on to say "For whatever it may be worth, Pilate did repeatedly try to have Jesus released because he knew that He was completely innocent of any crime. Pilate's wife also tried to get Jesus released. " Wow, that Pilate sounds like such a nice guy, doesn't he? Well, except that he was known to hate the Jews he ruled over, and killed them as he felt (on whims or for amusement). Oddly, this same bible study page admits: "Pilate was no friend of the Jews", so why would he try and barter for the life of one, let alone "the King of Jews" (what Pilate declared Jesus was, in a sign hung over the cross).

On a second page I found it describes Pilate as follows: "Pilate was a "typical Roman, not of the antique, simple stamp, but of the imperial period, a man not without some remains of the ancient Roman justice in his soul, yet pleasure-loving, imperious, and corrupt. He hated the Jews whom he ruled, and in times of irritation freely shed their blood." . Strangely enough, a few paragraphs later it goes on to say "After this Pilate seemed more resolved than ever to let Jesus go. ". What?? How does that add up?? He hated them, but suddenly felt bad for one particular Jew?? Oy, I'm confused.

So this is the point that becomes the bone of contention for Jews. As Jews see it Pilate was a murderer, a fact that is not denied in Christian liturgy, so to suggest that he suddenly had a heart of gold and was hesitant to kill is just plain unlikely. Jews feel that they are being used as a scapegoat in this story, in order to assign blame and to clear the Romans of their responsibility in the death of Jesus (coz would YOU want to be blamed for killing him?? but if someone else did it...). And if you know anything about Judaism, you would know that life is paramount to anything else, and is to be treasured. ALL life, and I mean above and beyond just the ole "thou shalt not kill". This fact can still be seen in the way Israelis deal with Palestinians now; they absolutely have the power to wipe the Palestinians off the map and remove them from Israel, but they would never just go and annihilate them. Life is precious, no matter who you are (or how many of our people you blow up on buses). So they continue to deal with the Palestinians rather than just remove them.

During the interview with Gibson, they showed clips of the movie and suddenly it became clear to me that it very graphically illustrates a mob of Jews demanding the crucifixion of Jesus, no doubt about it. And accurate or not, this will anger some people. And I know my view confuses some people, but I am not so much concerned with the accuracy (because we will never truly know. either you believe or you don't) as much as I am concerned with how it will be understood and interpreted by viewers. In fact, I'm sure it will be an amazing movie and will move me (how can you watch someone's final torturous days and not be moved?), but if this movie means I have to worry about my safety more, then it has done damage. As it is, Jews in France have been advised to not wear any Star of David jewelry, or a kippah on their heads (instead, wear a baseball cap over it, was the suggestion). Already, Jews are being advised to hide who they are. Can you imagine, as a Catholic, being told you should not wear your cross around your neck, or hang it from your rearview mirror for fear that it could get you beaten up? It's hard to imagine here in North America where such behaviour is not tolerated and is reprimanded wherever possible, but what about in Europe where such thing is common place and laws aren't so strictly enforced?

I don't know...I don't know what else to say. I have never been a very religious person, and I have most certainly avoided any such debate all my life. Yet I am being dragged into this one because it has finally hit home and become personal for me. I am not blaming Catholics, and I'm not blaming Jews. I am merely expressing my concern......

 
I don't know what's gotten into me today, but I've decided to share a picture of myself. I have never intended to put up a picture of me, but I thought, why not? :-) I'm in a good mood this morning and so I'm feeling all kinds of daring! And now you can compare my pic to the one in the last post when I was about 3 years old. 26 years later the only thing that's about the same is the blue eyes. :-) Much to my mother's disappointment my brother and I got beautiful blue eyes (she wanted us to have gorgeous green ones like she and my dad both have...but recessive genes won! lol)
Anyway, I took this pic just now, so it's about as current as it gets. Now you have a face to go with what you read, something I came to really enjoy on other blogs.

And today I'd like to discuss a Canadian stereotype; the use of the word "eh". I'm not gonna argue that it doesn't happen, because it most certainly does. We Canadians can laugh at it along with everyone else just fine, don't worry. In fact my mother jokes that her business partner doesn't ever say eh until they cross the border, and then sure enough, as soon as he's in the States he starts saying eh like stereotypical Canadian. At one point he whispered to my mother "...omigod, did I just say eh??".

Allow me to explain the purpose of the word "eh".
Eh, quite simply, takes a statement and turns it into a question. Let me illustrate:

statement: "Now that's really good steak!"

question: "Now that's really good steak, eh??"

It allows the speaker to now include someone else in the conversation by drawing them in with a question. Sometimes it seeks a confirmation from a person ("Yes, that IS a really good steak!") or it solicits the input/opinion of the other person ("I've had better steak").

See? Simple. Go ahead and laugh, but it's a good word, damnit!! hahaha...
I myself have done very well to remove it from my vocabulary, but I assure you, when I lived farther north it was much more predominant. The farther away from the cities you get, the worse it gets.

That's it for me. I'm late for work so I gotta run. Have a good week, everyone!

 
As my mother tells it, I have adored my brother since the day I was born. I looked up to him, admired him, followed him everywhere, and just generally loved his company. I would let him do anything to me if it meant he would hang out with his little sister. One time when I was about 4 years old my mother found the ponytail of my long blonde hair on the floor. She searched high and low, and finally found me hidden in a closet where my brother had parked me and told me to be quiet. When he was confronted about cutting my hair off he simply said "Mom, it was just something I had to do". lol Gotta try everything once, right?

And while those days are gone (as is the blonde hair, it turned brunette as I got older) I still adore my brother immensely. We have a wonderful bond that defies description. (honestly, I just sat here for a good two minutes staring at the screen trying to think of a way to describe it and came up empty!)

Anyway, you get the point. I love my brother lots and lots. Which is why I am thrilled he and his girlfriend (if you can still call her that after 15 years) are coming over for dinner. They'll be here in an hour or so. You guys behave while I'm gone.
I mean it!!