A funny thing is happening in my life right now..... I'm making some really awesome friends. And there are few reasons why I find this interesting (probably more interesting than you will find it, but I'll do my best to weave this into an interesting story for you...)
Firstly, I have lost a couple of good friends this past few months. That is to say, I know more or less where they are, but for one reason or another they have exited from my life. I find this tends to happen when I hit life changing rough patches in my life; the last time this happened was in 2005. I ended up moving to Israel for 3 months while I sorted myself out. I had this epiphany that there were people in my life that didn't deserve my time and there were those that did and I wasn't giving nearly enough of it to. I examined my friendships, took note of the ones that gave back and the ones that didn't and weeded them out accordingly. For the most part it wasn't hard; the ones I let go were the ones in which *I* had to always make the effort to see them, so all I had to do was stop calling and trying to make plans to see them and it more or less took care of itself. I found this culling of the herd freed my time up to give it to those I really cared about and who really mattered in my life. I also found that ridding myself of energy vampires relieved me of a lot of stress and took a great weight off my shoulders.
Anyway, I accept that this is natural process in life and that it will happen many times over the course of my life. I have friends I have known for 25+ years and I have friends that I have only known a few weeks or months, and then they exited. People come and go in your life, and often leave when you have learned whatever it was that you were supposed to learn from them. I also find that you really do truly find out who your friends are in times of crisis, as I had been over the summer and fall. I just had one of my best friends of 15 or more years, walk away over a misunderstanding on Facebook. FACEBOOK, people! More than anything I think I was just shocked and hurt that a friendship that could last that long was taken down by something so silly as Facebook. I guess it wasn't the friendship I thought it was. And frankly, the timing couldn't have been worse as my stress level was just maxing out as I was closing up the sale of my house, fighting with my ex over finances (which will now go to court) and trying to get ready to move to a new home. I needed that friend's support at that point more than ever but somehow the friendship failed. *sigh*
Ok, I'm digressing. My second point on why this is so fascinating (that I'm making some awesome friends right now), is because it just isn't easy to make friends as an adult. When you're kids in a sandbox or in school, it's easy making friends. But outside of maybe work.... how do adults make friends? And it can be a very awkward thing...
Take my job for example. I am a sales rep, going in and out of Home Depot and Lowe's stores all day. I see the same people every 2 weeks or so and I get to know them very well. I know the names of their husbands, wives, kids... I know what medical tests they are having done.... what pets they have.... the whole thing. And they get to know me too. It's part of my job, but it's also part of my personality. I like my job because I have friends in pretty much every store (and I have 30 stores).
Then one day I was having lunch with one of these store associates and we were really hitting it off. During the course of the conversation she said she would really love for me to meet her husband and kids one day... and I said sure, that would be nice... in that "one day we will" kind of way. She then suggested that we do it that day after work, and I thought.... why not? Here is an opportunity to make a new friend and she is a really cool cat.... so why the heck not? But I gotta tell ya, it's sometimes weird taking it to the next level of friendship... outside of work. Now, I have successfully done this with one or two others before, but it's still weird seeing people outside a work environment. But how else do you make friends as an adult? As a point, I was also kinda employing the "Yes Man" philosophy at that point in my life and was forcing myself to say yes to opportunities I would normally say no to in order to open myself up to more socialization and experiences. As it turns out I had a great time with her family and I can happily add another fabulous friend to my roster. I can tell her anything and I know I have a good friend that I can fully trust. I love it!
And now I have two new friends that I am really enjoying. Both I met online, though one lives in Texas and is too far away to meet in person.... but I have a feeling we'll finally meet one day. And the other is another kindred spirit going through a similar rough patch recently as myself and so we understand each other quite well. We are both slow to warm up to people as we have recently had our trust put in a blender and shredded to bits. Trust comes slow to us both now, but since we're in the same boat, we understand and are patient with each other. It's awesome. I like watching the friendship slowly bloom as we take our time getting to know each other and to build the trust.
So there. I am makin' some new friends and it's making me very happy right now. How do YOU make new friends?
P.S. Will someone who is smarter than me please tell me how to fix my layout so that the damn bullets on the sidebar don't come poking into the main column of my blog? It drives me nuts and I have tried desperately to fix it, but html just isn't my strong suit. Where's My Big Gay Daddy?? You're smart like that!!
Last Halloween I was on top of the world; I had gotten engaged that day and felt ten foot tall and bullet proof. I had the world by the ass, and less than two months later my fiance and I had bought a house and were moving in. I thought my path and my future was set.
This Halloween was spent slugging boxes and moving all my worldly possessions into my new condo. Alone. Much has obviously changed, and I am world's different now than I was even 5 months ago. My heart no longer feels broken by the cheating and lying, just bruised and healing. The crying and sleepless nights have subsided, though I have not gained back the nearly 20 lbs I lost when I stopped eating for almost 2 months. I am in a different dimension from where I was a year ago but a funny thing has happened.... I have found happiness.
Had someone told me even 2 months ago that I would feel happy again this soon I would have told him/her that was simply was impossible. This has been one of the hardest emotional roller coasters I have ever been on, but when I moved into my new home I was reborn. I was so devastated that I had to sell my home because of the breakup of my relationship, but as it turns out, that home was keeping me in a pit of despair that I hadn't even realized I was in. In my new condo I feel energized and positive.... I feel like there are possibilities. A new beginning.
Now the hard work begins. It's time to figure out what it is I need to get things right with myself, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I cannot let one person damage my faith and trust in people, but that is going to take some mental gymnastics to get past. I need to rebuild my health and wellness, as I have not been taking care of my body. Once fit and strong I now feel skinny and weak.... and vulnerable to illness if I'm not careful.
I'm not sure yet how to go about all this. I've started with a nice big delivery of healthy groceries; I am drinking my GreensPlus in the morning (which I swear by) and made an awesome quinoa-vegetable salad for lunch later. The trick with healthy eating is to keep it up... that will be my biggest challenge. I am *very* lucky that the condo I have moved into has a GYM, complete with Nautilus treadmill, reclined stationary bike, elliptical machine and weight machine! So I need to take advantage of it, especially since practically no one in the building uses it. Bonus!!
I also need to start doing things that are better for my soul.... I am admittedly very addicted to tv and internet. It's time to do some reading instead, and today I happened to stumble upon a blog post that named 10 inspirational books.... and as I read it I thought.... don't I have book #7 on the list? The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I went over to the cupboard where I had all my books stored and there it was.... my mother had given it to me *ages* ago to read and I never had. Seems coincidence is trying to get my attention, so I am going to sit down after writing this post and unplug for a bit and do some reading. See if we can't stir the mind and soul a little. Have a peek here if you're curious.
What are you doing to change your life for the better?
Oh the joys of packing and moving, especially given that I just did it 10 months ago. I'm trying to be all zen about it and tell myself this is a fantastic new journey and opportunity but it doesn't exactly wash with me as I pack, compartmentalize, tape and label my life in little brown boxes. Nothing like trying to find a way to pack things and mark them in a way that might allow you to crack the code later, allowing you to find that item again under duress.
I have moved countless times in my life.... indeed this with be my 4th time in the last 3 years alone... but it doesn't make it any easier or fun. I am going through a merciless tossing of crap and have rented a dump bin for a week so I may pare my belongings down to a manageable amount. Going from a house down to a condo with no storage will certainly be a challenge. It helps you dig deep and make decisions about what's really important. It's an interesting experience, I highly recommend it.
I have watched my far share of shows that aim to declutter homes and so I am trying to apply what lessons I have gleaned from these programs. I have a box for garbage, a box for recycling, a box for donations, and then what's left gets packed. It's been liberating and terrifying at the same time, lemme tell ya.
But I am a new woman... I have decided to let go of all my VHS tapes. Yeah, you heard me! and I have my first Blu Ray disc! Bring on the new home!!
Alright, I have to say it. I'm a little surprised by Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Hell, even HE was surprised, which says a lot. Was anyone NOT surprised? I mean, I'm a fan of the guy but even I have to question just what it was he did to earn that already...... hmmm... I could make all kinds of racial speculations, but I think the media has already done a bang up job of that. I'm just going to wait and see him earn that title now..... it's like reverse engineering.
So this morning I laid in bed and watched a documentary call Outrage. It's about the hypocrisy of American politicians who are (closeted) gay but actively campaign against gay rights. It was very interesting and sad all at the same time. It is simply amazing how many people in office are gay and feel the need to hide it (because let's face it, America is a very homophobe nation). I think the most telling comment came at the end when it was said: "If everyone who was in the closet came out.... this movement would be over. This fight would be over". Indeed, if all of the gay politicians came out and spoke up (because there are a great many of them).... who knows what change they could bring. Then again... they'd have to wait until they are in office before coming out... because in America, it's damn hard to get elected if you are gay. It's a sad and frustrating reality.... and I wonder..... will America one day look back on gay rights the same way we look back on woman's rights and the rights of blacks?
My oh my..... what a difference a year can make. *sigh* My life was at the top of the roller coaster this time last year... hands in the air, screaming for joy.... and now I am at the bottom. Life is like that, and I guess that's why I find myself blogging again. I always said that my blog had petered off because it had served it's purpose.. I blogged during a time in my life when I felt the need to share and read other blogs to gain some understanding on perspective on certain topics or aspects of life. Now it is my need to wrap my head around my own life that draws me back...
Last year I had the world by the ass... a new fiance.. just bought my first home... all seemed finally right in my life. At 34 it felt like I had finally found what I was looking for. Ah but it was not to be.. and ten months later I have sold my home and I am packing up and moving to a new home to start all over again. A fresh start on my own..... I'm trying to be as positive as I can.
As I start to rebuild I look back to find the things that have served me well in the past... things that helped me heal my hurts before. And here I am, writing in a blog that most have forgotten about and likely no one is even reading anymore. That's ok... it gives me time to get back in the swing of things and to get my chops back.
To those who have somehow come back to find me here... thanks. I'll see if I can't find a reason to have to come back again... ;-)
Alright, I'm not gonna lie...... I was beyond thrilled that Obama was elected. I dare say I even choked back a tear, I was so happy. And at the risk of getting cursed at, it renewed my very deteriorated faith in Americans. Canada is happy and the world is pretty happy. Did you see the world wide celebrations going on??
Hell, I'm going to go against all political correctness and I'm going to just say what's on my mind; I honestly never in a million years thought Americans would vote in a black (I'm sorry, African-American) president (let ALONE one with a name like Barack Hussein Obama!). I just never thought that bible-belt America, or the deep south, could get past their racist tendencies. And yes, I am well aware that not *everyone* in those areas is racist, but they certainly have histories for being so.
So let me just say congratulations, America. I am impressed and I am proud.
And for those who voted McCain and are railing on about how Obama is going to drive the economy into the ground..... well, I think Bush has already done that. Give your new president as much support as you gave your last, and keep an open mind. The time for change has come, and you have voted accordingly.
Alright, so I was one of those fools who.. back in tha day... thought it would be better to have separate archive pages instead of a list of months in my sidebar. Now I get an error when I click on my archive pages coz things have moved around so much over the years thanks to Blogger, and I have no idea how to fix that on a custom template. Anyone out there clever enough to tell me how to fix it? Pretty please?
I really wasn't sure if I was going to bother writing again or not; I'm sure my audience has dwindled away (can't blame ya!) and crazy things have kept me away, including time in and out of the hospital. Not exactly good times, but it's all character building, right?
Something interesting has drawn me back, actually; an email from someone who happened upon my blog, and after reading it some, had written to me to share his views. Now, if you cruise my last few entries you will see that I often attract religious fanatics that need to express their views in an often offensive and in-your-face manner. I accept what comes, as it is part of what is to be expected when you put yourself out there, and especially when you declare yourself an Israel lovin' Jew. From time to time this has caused "a lively debate" ;-)
In this recent email however, my interest has been piqued, for the gentleman writing (a) used his name and didn't hide behind the cowardly "anonymous" title that so many do, and (b) though his religious beliefs are strong and expressed in the email, they are genuine, inoffensive and even insightful. I was surprised to see that this fellow even went so far as to "overlook" my 'habits and tattoos', which is always appreciated. Thankfully I'll be okay if I just repent.
But I digress. His email actually came at a very timely point in my life, you see; his email discusses my dreams (I have a dream blog as well, that he had read a bit of, though I have not kept up with) and lately my dreams have come back with a vengeance and more vividly than ever. In the past my dreams often kept me up at night, had me dreading going to bed, or fearing for events that may unfold. Sometimes they were foreboding, sometimes they were violent, sometimes they told of things to come, and sometimes they were lucid. When I had gone too long without sleep I often had a hard time sorting out what I had dreamt and what had really happened. Wacky stuff, I highly recommend avoiding it by doing what you need to in order to get sleep.
But I have digressed again! My point is, while this chap does indeed have some underlying motive for writing (including a link to his blog, though the link doesn't work) he has sparked at least an interest in me to get back to writing here again. I began this blog long ago and it has seen me travel to Israel and back 3 times, fall in and out of love, and struggle with life and all it's obstacles. I wondered if perhaps it served it's purpose, but perhaps one's need to write and share such things ebbs and tides; right now I am in love again, in the midst of buying my first home and planning for my future. Is that interesting enough to write about? Or shall I rekindle my old roots in which I wrote about Israel, with all her politics, up and downs, and religious dichotomy? Perhaps a little from column A, a little column B....
I'm going to rekindle my dream blog again as well. I might as well write about what's been keeping me up for the past month or so. Perhaps my new friend can offer his interpretations, and maybe you will see fit to do so as well. While I may not agree with all of my new friend's views I always welcome debate, insight and friendly sharing of ideas, thoughts and beliefs. It's how we best learn and grow from each other.
With his permission, I may put up the email he wrote me, a little later. Check back.
UPDATE: here's the email.. take from it what you will, but keep an open mind. Disagree or agree, however you feel compelled, but keep it fair. Keep the conversation intelligent and know that slandering or defamation of *anyone's* religion will not be tolerated.
Dear Celestial,
I just read your post about your very vivid dreams. I was taken back by your last post about your walking through blood and the blood running down from the mountain. Celestial what you are seeing is a dream from God. Scripture teaches that two huge future battles will be waged in northern Israel in the near future. One battle in Megetto, northern Israel, it is prophesied that the blood will run like a river as high as the horses bridle.
The nation of Israel will be going through a time of trouble like nothing in the past or will be in the future. I haven’t written any posts in my blog about these battles but I will in the near future. My blog url is JIPT.blogger.com.
Celestial, God is calling you to be closer to him. Often times God called many of the great prophets by dreams and visions. The very fact that you are questioning your Jewish heritage and viewpoints is a strong indication of Gods call on your life. Contrary to popular belief we don’t get good enough and then God uses us. God takes us were we are and transforms our lives from the inside out. I don’t question your habits or your tattoos; God doesn’t look on the outside he looks on your heart. He has put a desire for himself on your heart. Being a nice Jewish girl as the other posts say is like somehow you have a code of life to live up to, and it just won’t cut it. Nobody can be perfect before God. God knew you and formed you before you were born. God loves you. God gave you those dreams to get you questioning what was real and what was not in the world. Without your dreams there would be no way that we would be having this conversation.
In the last month God has called me to reach out to the Jewish people and tell them to repent before him. I didn’t know any Jewish people, I worked for a Jew when I was a kid but that was it. I wrote some posts in blogger.com and I came across your blog.
For the last 32 years I have been studying scriptural prophecy, what the word of God says about the future to come.
What I like about you Celestial is that you write God not G..od or G-d. God says we can come boldly before his throne of grace. I am going to ask God to give you more dreams, pleasant dreams about him. From your ATM dream you have a good understanding of right and wrong, good and bad influence. You somewhat understand the working of the devil. You need to say to the Lord, I hear you Lord and I want to follow you. In your speaking to God ask him to forgive you of your sins. He will forgive you of every sin that you have committed in the past and every sin that you will commit in the future, what a bargain.
I will send you a new url that will give you more answers. I will also e-mail you future posts that you may enjoy reading. If you don’t want me to send this material just e-mail and ask that I stop sending it.
Celestial the land of Israel has a very exciting future. I am excited for your love for Israel and its people. God’s word says that Israel will be the head of all nations and not the tale.Israel will be a land of peace and prosperity, The Jewish people will take their proper position of honest leadership throughout the world. You may say, that will be the day. God is re-gathering his people and it is no wonder that you are one of them.
You have a gift in your writing even if it is edgy you tell it from your heart, keep it up.
I will be praying for you, and I will be asking God to make himself real to you in your everyday life. Be sure to watch for him doing miracles in your life.
