Well? Does it look like I was successful at forgetting the world's woes for at least one day? This was taken yesterday when I went downtown with a few of my girlfriends. We went to an area of Toronto known as the St. Lawrence Market where people set up tables and sell all kinds of weird stuff. It was a very interesting experience, I'll say that much. After that we went down to the beaches area (yes we have beaches here in Toronto, get an atlas people!! it's FRESH water!) and took a long and wonderful stroll down the boardwalk. I was amused by all the activities going on....beach volleyball, frisbee, bbqs, kite flying, rollerblading, soccer, etc...in what we Canadians would deem as hot weather, but much of the rest of the world would still consider cold (I think it reached 22C, or 71.6F). People were decked out in shorts and bathing suits and some were even sprawled out on the beach suntanning! We're a hardy bunch, what can I say.

Anyway, after that we sat and got a drink at one of the restaurants along the way and checked out a few little shops. It was immensely fun, and I'd love to show you more pictures but I have a hate on for Textamerica right now, the people who host my photoblog. It's a free service, so I guess I can't complain; you get what you pay for.

My outing yesterday allowed me to escape from the world for just one day. However, now that the week has started again, it's back to reality in all it's ugliness. Do I need to tell you what's going on or can I assume you kids follow the news? Well, just when I think it couldn't get any worse in Iraq I was wrong. I was very disappointed when I woke to news this morning that the leader of the U.S.-appointed Iraqi Governing Council, Izzedine Salim, had been killed in a suicide attack. I'm not sure if these insurgents quite understand what a friggin' stupid idea that was on SO many levels. Do they not realize that this will only serve to force the U.S. to stay longer and longer?? Ucch. Don't even get me started. Anyway, a new leader has been sworn in...a brave soul ready to step up to bat. I wish him luck, he doesn't have an easy task before him.

And Israel.....no, I can't even get into that. Couldn't on the weekend, and I can't now either. Things are getting messy in the Gaza Strip. If you are interested and haven't already read about it, you can go here.

And before I go, let me say a big welcoming hi to a few search engine gems: first one is from someone who typed "skydome,washroom,mirror,gay" into Google. Disturbingly, I came in 4th in that search. For those who aren't in the know, the Skydome is the baseball venue here in Toronto (and for concerts and various other activities). I'd like to know just WHAT this person was looking for. Very odd.
And I'd like to wish the best of luck to the young lad who typed "i am a boy that is usually very shy and nervous with girls what should i do" into Yahoo's search engine and got ME as the very first hit. A big disappointment I'm sure, as my blog would have been of NO help on the matter. Good luck, I hope you get it figured out before you're 30.

 
Let me tell ya...when I first started this blog I never thought I would ever let it get too personal. I mean sure, I'd share some stuff, but I was planning to keep it obscure (like mentioning things about my friends, but never mentioning them by name in order protect them). Never did I think that one of the things I would end up sharing with the whole world was the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. Yet there I was last month discussing my friend Shane, and out it came. It was hard to tell Shane's story and not share that, and I felt it was important because it allowed me to show how much he had helped others, myself included. Besides, it's nothing I am embarrassed or ashamed of...where's the shame in overcoming demons? I generally don't share it because it makes OTHER people more uncomfortable than it makes me. Suddenly they are terrified to have a beer in front of me or to talk about funny drinking stories. In fact I was out on a date once with a guy and when I said I didn't drink he actually said to me that he "didn't trust people who didn't drink". I laugh now at how shallow and insecure that statement really was.

Anyway, today I am very quietly celebrating my 5 year birthday. On May 17, 1999 I chose life over death and walked away from booze for good (maybe one day I'll bore you with the whole long story). In Alcoholics Anonymous this is usually a pretty big deal and your group usually throws a big party for you including a cake and a medallion. These medallions are given at different intervals in your recovery (1 year, 5 year, 10 year, etc...) to help mark the occasion and achievement, and it gives you something shiny to look at on the tough days (yes that's a picture of my actual 1 year medallion you see there). On the back you usually have the date and your first name engraved, and maybe a quote that you have chosen that means something to you. This year, however, I just haven't felt like making the acknowledgement for some reason. My parents don't even know it's my birthday today (they've been trying to guess for days when it is) and that's fine...they haven't been all that active in my recovery. Those that have been are either gone or have also forgotten. So really....would YOU want to plan your own birthday party?? Besides, I haven't always been comfortable with being applauded for doing something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place. lol.

So I am just going to make this my day to reflect on things. There's no need for fanfare or pats on the back...that's not why I'm writing this post. I just wanted to say that today I am grateful that I had great people to help me get through a rough time in my life, and that my achievement was not accomplished alone. There are two people in particular I'd like to acknowledge, Shane (thank you my friend, you are greatly missed) and Mysteron (if not for you there is no doubt in my mind I would not be here today). Toda raba, Mysteron. I love you very much for all that you did.

Some friends have remembered and are sweet in not letting me fly under the radar as I have been trying to do. My sponsee is taking me out to lunch in an hour, and I tonight I'm going to have dinner with an old friend who thinks this is a bigger deal than I do. lol. I'm pretty lucky to have them both around, it means a lot. Thanks, my friends. :-)

"I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You"

 
Sorry about my lack of posting but I had just had enough of the world's bullshit and I needed to take time away from it. I finally had my fill of people talking about the craziness in Iraq and the craziness in Israel. I just didn't feel like talking about it for a while.

I think what finally drove me away from my computer was reading about how everyone was using the beheading of Nick Berg to serve their own purposes. The anti-war groups are using the beheading to further their argument as to why the U.S. should pull out, and the pro-war folks are using it as a vehicle to prove that they cannot give up on "the war on terror" or else atrocities like that will continue. Conspiracies are growing about the beheading and I have even been reading a blog that is carefully dissecting (pardon my choice of words) the video and developing a theory that Nick was dead before he was beheaded (I'm sorry, does it REALLY matter?? he was killed. either way, it's disgusting). Meanwhile Rumsfeld is running around Iraq and releasing prisoners in an effort to save his ass and win back the affections of the Iraqis (as IF he had it before) and yet STILL the scandal keeps on snowballing.
Things are a mess and I can't take anymore talk of it. No offense to my American counterparts but I couldn't be any happier that my country stayed out of it (not that Canada could have been much of a help. lol).

Meanwhile things are a complete mess in Israel again as Palestinians have staged several 'successful' attacks on Israeli soldiers. I don't even want to get into this discussion because it's the same old argument as always. I just wish Israel would pull it's settlers out of Gaza and cut their losses and get on with the business of building their still very young country. Gaza is a waste of time, money, energy and lives. It's not worth it. And you know what? Much of the Israeli population wants the same. Get on with it already, enough is enough.

As for me, I have been enjoying my weekend and doing all the things I don't have time for during the week. A little upkeep in my home, some homemade meals of my own and tons and tons of Hebrew homework. I can't even admit to how much time I spent on it yesterday, it's just embarrassing, but I am trying to catch up to the class above me. I am so close I can taste it, damnit!! Of course that many hours of homework lead to me dreaming all kinds of wacky things in Hebrew last night....it's funny how our brains digest info from the day.

Today I am meeting my girlfriends for an early lunch and then we are going to decide what adventure to take up for the day. We might head into downtown Toronto and walk around the city (the weather is supposed to be a gorgeous day today) or we might go a little north and go for a walk in the woods. There's a particular flower (the Trillium) that blooms this time of year and only for a very short period of time; one of the girls really wants to go find them and take some pictures, so we might do that. Hey, this is Canada, what can I say? We like our plants and trees, which is good coz we got *plenty* of them. lol I'll put up some pics on my photoblog either way.

In parting I'd like to say something to the person who found my blog by typing "I am going to kill myself if things don't get better soon." into the AllWeb search engine: I know how you feel, I've been there and I hope you found whatever you were looking for. I won't belittle you with dumb comments like "don't worry it'll get better" or "chin up, it's not so bad". I know those are not the least bit comforting. Get help, you know deep down inside you need it and want it.

For everyone else, I hope you had a fantastic weekend.....see ya tomorrow.

 
Alright, I'll be honest...I just don't have it in me to rewrite that post again. I've had a long and emotional day, and that post was hard enough to write the first time. I had talked about what was going on in Israel and I had talked about the beheading of Nicholas Berg, an American Jew. But I just don't have the heart to write it again.
Yes, I have seen the footage of the beheading, and let me just say this....I have seen lots of gore in my time, lots of horrifying pictures and footage....but never have I actually had to fight to keep my stomach under control as I did while watching that poor man lose his life. I wanted to see just what an extremist is capable when rage and hate dwells in his heart, and by God I did. And it scared me to death and brought tears to my eyes. I hope Nicholas' soul rests now and my heart goes out to his family. I cannot possibly imagine their grief. And mark my words folks.....this is just the start of bigger things. Call me a pessimist, but there are billions of Muslims in the word...and if just a small percentage of them subscribe to these same beliefs, we're in deep trouble.

I am now going to try and let go of the days events. Work was stressful for a bunch of reasons that I don't care to bore you with. And on a personal level I have had a ghost from my past come back to haunt me. I'm not sure what to make of it or do about it...I just don't know. Sometimes things seem like *such* a good idea at the time, and other things are best left behind. Which is this? Can friendships be resurrected? I doubt it...not this time.

Anyway, I am going over to Princess Blondie's in a few minutes to watch the last Survivor, and so help me, Rupert had better get the second million dollar prize.
see ya all tomorrow...

 
Earlier today I had written a really long post and then I had a moment of what can only be classified as sheer stupidity and I lost the whole damn thing. I accept part of the blame, but some of the blame also rests with stupid Blogger and it's stupid set up.
When I am done pouting about it I will rewrite the post, I've just had an *intensely* stressful day (OH so stressful) and my brain is not up for writing it yet. Come back later.
Here, go visit Mr. Breakfast for something to keep you busy until I return.

 
I once again don't have a lot of time to write....I'm up early to take my grandma to her follow up appointment this morning. Her surgery went well, we just need to check in with the doctor today.

I just wanted to share my anger and disgust about the disturbing new trend in Arab terrorist groups. The trend being, videotaping their heinous acts and sharing them with the world.

Tuesday morning in Israel, 6 Israeli soldiers were killed when terrorists detonated a mine under their vehicle in an explosion so massive their body parts were spread over a 300 metre (984 foot) radius. Footage has been released of terrorists holding up a collection of body parts they found while dancing and shouting in glee. Both Hamas and Islamic Jihad are claiming responsibility for the incident, fighting for the "glory" of such a 'successful' attack. Israel is involved in heavy operations in Gaza now, in an effort to retrieve the body parts of it's fallen soldiers. Apparently even Egypt is pressuring the Palestinians to give back the body parts before this turns really ugly. I think it's a little late for that...

This was all quickly overshadowed when footage was released of Nicholas Berg, an American captured in Iraq and beheaded on videotape. Once again, the video was released in an effort to make an example of him. My heart goes out to his family, I hope they never see the videotape.

Frankly, I am so sick to my stomach over these matters I'm not sure what to say. I have kept my thoughts to myself about the war on Iraq, but I am finding that to be an increasingly difficult task. Part of the problem is that I can see the case for either side of the issue very well, and agree with points on both sides of the debate. But I think we can all agree that the damage caused by those American soldiers abusing the Iraqi soldiers will continue to be felt.....

 
*yAWn* I'll tell ya.....being up at 5am is NOT all it's cracked up to be. But since I love my grandma, I am happy to rise at this unGodly hour so that I may take her to the hospital for surgery at 7am. She is having her second cataract surgery today which will complete the job and allow her to see clearly from both eyes now. She's very excited (though very nervous as the time draws closer, naturally). So that's what I'll be up to today. I'm hoping to come home and catch a nap and maybe get some homework done before class tonight.

Last night I watched Survivor with Princess Blondie and her boyfriend Bruno (do I really need to remind you for the hundredth time that they are my neighbours across the hall? lol). Blondie and I were super pumped to watch it as we had both been militant about not reading, watching or listening to any news. We had successfully not heard anything about who won when we sat down to watch it, which made it great. We did a lot of yelling at the television, and had a great time. And I'm happy to hear we get one last hurrah this Thursday with a bonus episode. Yay!!

Anyway, I should grab some breakfast and get ready. Before I go, a few other blog items to note: go check out Bruno Bornsztein's post about an impending smoking ban. It's both hilarious and insightful, and I could not agree with him more. And over on si's page she has decided to remove her stats counter (*gasp!*) and her comments (*double gasp!*) which personally is breaking my heart more than she knows. Not being able to comment it SUCKING ASS, si!!!!!!!! Just so you know how I feel. And for one of the most well put together blogs I have ever seen check out Tales of the Aquarium; the fish theme runs through *every* aspect of this blog right down to the tagboard background. Beautifully made blog with a witty writer to boot. For something different go check it out.

I think that about does it for me....have a good day, folks!

 
Let me take you back in time to April 30th. You might recall me mentioning a terrorist attack in Israel in which a pregnant woman and her four daughters (ages 2 - 11) were killed. They were driving along a road when gunmen began shooting at the car. After losing control of the car and driving off the road the gunmen then proceeded to approach the car and shoot all five of them at point blank range to make sure they were good and dead. I have no words for how angry this disgusting attack makes me, for only the most soulless and heartless of bastards could possible commit such a horrifying crime. My heart, thoughts and prayers go to the father and husband of that family. I cannot imagine what kind of hell he must be going through.

But let me now point out that while most of us were celebrating our moms yesterday during Mother's Day, over in Israel a memorial was being held for the family that had been killed by those gunmen. And while family and friends gathered to mourn this terrible loss Palestinian terrorists disguised as women opened fire on those attending the memorial. I am happy to report that the gunmen were killed, but unfortunately the terror will not be forgotten. To see what I mean look at this picture and tell me that child will ever forget what she experienced. I think not. For more pictures look here and here (hat tip: Boker tov, Boulder! in fact, you should go read Yael's take on this while you're at it). Tell me, have you ever had to run for cover because you were being attacked at a funeral or memorial? Despicable.

While you're at it, please see Hasidic Gentile's post on Palestinian media tactics to illustrate how Israel is always painted as the bad guy and the full story is rarely told. A picture can be worth a thousand words, but two can make a whole story. Check it out.

Meanwhile, the fallout over these damn Iraqi abuse photos is reaching even into Israel, where Arabs are expressing their displeasure. There is the Commonwealth cemetery in Gaza City, where many soldiers killed in WW I from Britain, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and India are laid to rest. Dozens of graves were destroyed and vandalized, many with posters glued to the tombstones with swastikas painted over them. The posters show the now famous Iraqi prisoner photos.

And in case you think that the Palestinians ever let up, here's a report about Israeli Forces who foiled a suicide bomber, who planned an attack today. For added interest it has been noted that "The foiled attack featured one highly unusual twist: the would-be female suicide bomber, who commonly wears men's clothes and refers to herself as "Ahmed" is apparently hermaphroditic (a condition where both male and female reproductive organs and secondary sexual characteristics are present in the same individual)." Can't ever accuse Israel of boring news, now can ya?

I hate to post such a pessimistic post on a Monday morning...but it's days like this when I wonder...when will it ever end??

 
Omg, Blogger changed the entire interface on their site. I friggin' hate it already. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Now I'm gonna have to write a firmly worded e-mail expressing my displeasure. *sigh*

Anyway, today is Mother's Day here in North America and I, like millions of others, dutifully made an effort to let my mother know I love her. This was done in much the same fashion most mom's let US know that they love us....I cooked. I also got her a card and a flower planter and seeds, but the dinner was the main gift. I made lemon pepper catfish, potatoes and leeks, corn, tomato and cucumber salad and broccoli (if you don't like broccoli, you're a fool coz it's good and good for you!). My brother was in charge of dessert and he brought over a really delicious fruit flan he had bought. BOUGHT. Not like me, I MADE the dinner. In the end it was all very good and my mom did all the polite cooing and hugging to let me know I did a good job. S'what mom's are for, afterall. :-)

Earlier today I met with a friend of mine to go see an AWESOME movie called "Super Size Me". It's a documentary about a guy who decided to eat *nothing* but McDonald's for 30 days. I mean nothing....3 meals a day, and any snacks had to come from McDonald's too, right down to drinks. It documented his incredible physical deterioration as he packed on 25 lbs (11 kg) in a mere 30 days. But that was the least of his concerns...during all this he was being medically supervised by three different doctors/specialists and a nutritionist...and by day 21 they were all strongly urging him to stop his experiment as tests were revealing he was doing serious damage to his liver. Unbelievable.
So I highly recommend checking it out...he gives some amazing if not nauseating facts about food and what a fast food nation the United States has become. Scary stuff.

As for me, I am not trying to keep myself busy while NOT watching the Survivor finale. My Survivor buddy, Princess Blondie, is locked into Mother's Day obligations and couldn't watch it tonight...so I am being the best neighbour EVER and taping it and waiting to watch it with her. TOMORROW. Yeah, wish me luck not tripping across the news announcing who the winner is (and any jokers out there who think it's funny to spoil such things can just go fuck themselves and not bother ruining it for me. it's just SO not cool). This pretty much means I can't watch the news tomorrow because it will be all over my usual breakfast news show. Bugger. I'll have to stick to Israeli news sites tomorrow until I get home. Ugh, and no radio in the car...gah!!! or at work!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!
It's ok....I can do this. I can, I swear. Boy....I must REALLY like Princess Blondie.... :-P

So let me end this post with a fan favourite.....the results of a recent search that brought some unlucky sod to my site. I'd like to give a big shout out to the man who typed "I am a man I want to buy a toy to make love by myself" into Yahoo's search engine. Buddy, THAT'S what you're thinking about on Mother's Day?!? Dirty dirty bird!!!! And how disturbing is it that I was ranked 6th in the results for that??? *shiver*

 
Let me tell you....Van Helsing was so bad I think it may very well make my top ten list for worst movies I have ever seen. Van Helshit had dialogue that made me groan and overacting that made me want to scratch my eyes out. In the first two minutes of the movie I turned to one of my friends and whispered "oh god...this movie is going to be awful". Yes, it was THAT clear from the start. Some of the special effects were quite good, but not enough to save this film. Not even close. Hugh Jackman was hot. Kate Beckinsale was hot. Still not enough to save the film. So bad were some of the lines in the movie that my friends and I would draw angry stares as we couldn't help but laugh outloud. And if the dialogue itself didn't make you laugh, perhaps the ridiculous accent with which they were delivered will (or Hugh Jackman's hair extensions). We nearly laughed until we cried....and then we DID cry, because the movie was just that bad. I must have checked my watch at least every 15 minutes pleading for my agony to soon be over. I began daydreaming about how I'd go home and have a nice hot bath and maybe watch Third Watch that I had taped because I was busy seeing a shitty movie. Maybe I could find a way to forget that I ever saw this film. After it was finally over my friends and I talked for a bit after the movie and laughed at what a train wreck of a movie that was. We even re-enacted some of the scenes for our own amusement (and I dare say, we did a better and more believable job). Did I mention the movie was bad? peeeee-yooo! More reviews here if you are interested.

But today is another day filled with new adventures! Today's adventure has been rooting through my stinky garbage to search for a missing knife. I had noticed earlier in the week that one of my most loved/used knives had suddenly gone missing, and given that I live alone in an apartment, there aren't a lot of places for the knife to go. And since I have a very short term memory, I am (by necessity) a creature of habit. That knife is only ever in the wood block with the rest of the knife set, or it is in the dishrack. It was nowhere to be found, and I had come to the grim conclusion that it must be in the garbage, tossed out by accident. Unfortunately I did not have any time this week to take up the task of going through the garbage and I couldn't very well toss out the garbage until I had gone through it, so it was *mighty* ripe by the time I got to it this morning. I crammed some Kleenex up each nostril, snapped on rubber gloves and began the inspection. Mercifully I found it somewhat near the top so I didn't have to rummage too much, and in the end I felt really quite triumphant. Huzzah!

This has lead to some general house cleaning, which is also good and much needed. My good mood has dwindled somewhat, however, since my brother called and we are trying to sort out Mother's Day plans. I suppose it's wrong but neither of us is at all interested in making an effort to do something. Neither wants to host a dinner at our home, so we elected to pay the price and split the cost to take her out to dinner. After making some calls it's looking expensive, around $45 a plate. For 5 people. No friggin' way man, I'm way too poor for that. So it's somehow been left up to me to find some place to eat, and thus the growing grumpiness. Lazy bastard, brother. I think I've concluded that I'll just make dinner for the family but I'll do it at my parents house. It's too hard to host it at my place, it would be a bit cramped. My parents have a big place, top of the line appliances and lots of dishes. And a dishwasher. :-) So I'll go pick up the ingredients tomorrow and make dinner. Here's hoping I don't poison the whole family. Bwah ha ha!

So I can't decide...do I have a nap now or do some Hebrew homework? ......... hmmmmmm......
Nap, then homework. I swear I'll do some homework...later.

 
Am I the only one that found the Friends finale to be severely anti-climatic?? I was totally expecting to be bawling my eyes out....but I didn't shed a single tear. In fact, by the end I was getting annoyed because it was going slightly overtime and cutting into my E.R. time.

Shortly after I got home last night I heard a knock on my apartment door; twas my beloved neighbour, Princess Blondie. She invited me over for Chinese food, and really, how can I say no to an offer like that? MMMMMM... So we ate some dinner, washed some dishes and hung out. Then we had some tea and ate some chocolate bars and hung out and talked some more. And then we gave her puppy Carmella a bath (be sure to check out the other pics here, here, here and here. so cute!!) and eventually we watched Survivor, like we always do. Awesome. Just before Survivor was over I said to her, "you ARE gonna watch the last Friends episode with me, aren't you??" To which she said she wouldn't coz she didn't feel like crying. I asked if she was REALLY going to let me cry all alone and she groaned said of course not. Ha, I win!! But in the end I wasn't too impressed with the last episode, and realized that I hadn't seen several of the shows leading up to the last one, coz I hadn't a clue what was going on. Why was Rachel going to Paris?? Hunh?? Paris is about the last place I'd go for any reason, so I guess I was lacking understanding, in large part, due to my own bias. LOL So in the end, Survivor GOOD. Friends, BAD.

Let's see...what else....
Lets talk about a few other blogs. HebrewLion has written an awesome post about Israeli rap music and how it differs from American rap. I love his insight...I highly recommend you read it; you'll be surprised.
I have added a few new blogs to my blogroll: Bright Lights and Impossible Dreams and My Empire of Dirt (you might be interested in this one, Sam).
And if you haven't checked out Rat's blog before (he's been on my blogroll for a while, why haven't you read his blog??), go for it, but I suggest that any non-Australian readers refer to this Dictionary of Australian Slang. He speaks in code, I swear to god (grot?? avro?? what?!?). Rat, I decided to mention you today because for some reason when I woke up this morning the FIRST thing that popped into my head was the term "stickybeak". I have no idea why I thought of it, but I never heard of it until you, and it amuses me to this day.

As for me, tonight I am meeting up with a couple of girlfriends for dinner and a meeting (such wild and crazy girls!) and then after that I'm meeting up with my gang of nerds to see Van Helsing. Eek! I can't wait....I sure hope it doesn't suck.

And my final parting gift to you, my faithful audience, is a Periodic Table of Condiments for those who can't determine how long mustard is good for.

shabat shalom

 
Why is that when I say I don't really wanna have kids, people insist on asking why? And then PRESS the issue. I mean....when people say they *want* to have kids, I don't gasp and ask why they want to have kids, now do I? So why is this not the case when the situation is reversed? Why am *I* made to justify and defend my position on not wanting to have children? Did it ever occur to the person asking that there might be a deep and perhaps very personal reason? I'm just wondering when it became okay to demand an explanation for a rather important decision in a person's life about something very private and personal (and really, I'm sure you can come up with a few reasons as to why a person might not want kids, it's not real hard) . Do I ask why you chose to marry your spouse? Nope...that's your decision. Do I ask how often you have sex? Nope, that's private stuff and really none of my business.

In case you can't tell, this is a topic that really pisses me off. I recently got swarmed by a couple of girls in the office when I said in casual conversation that I wasn't all that interested in having children. The three of them gasped in utter horror (all mothers, of course) and told me "but you have to have kids!!". EXCUSE ME?? I *have* to have kids?? Says who? Society? Other mothers? Coz let me tell ya, even my own mother doesn't pressure me...she understands that it's my choice, and would rather I didn't have them if that's not what I really want. If I do, great, she'd of course be thrilled. If I don't, that's my choice and she RESPECTS that. But these women berated me and demanded to know my reasons why. I eventually asked them if perhaps they couldn't think of a few people they have met that really shouldn't EVER have had kids. You know the bad parents you hear about in the news or through gossip...do you think they should have had kids? It's just not for everybody, and so if I'm saying it might not be for me, why on earth would you try and talk me into it??

Some of my closer friends are a little perplexed because I am in fact quite good with kids, and adore my friends children. I am "auntie" to many of my friend's kids, and happily babysit when given the opportunity. But again, this doesn't mean I myself want any children. My reasons are my own, and I'm not going to launch into them here, but I'm sure you can all think of a few good reasons. Am I completely dead-set against the idea? No, of course not. Someone might come into my life and my feelings might shift wildly in the other direction...it's possible. Not likely, but it could happen.
Meantime, stop telling me I'm selfish for not having kids (an argument I have never understood). I think it's more selfish having kids when you do it for all the wrong reasons, and plenty of people do.

Anyway, that's the end of my rant. It's just something I was thinking about yesterday, and I'm tired today so I thought a rant would be good for me. I was out late last night with some friends at a concert for a band called Jurassic 5. It was pretty fun, but started way later than I would have liked so I didn't get to bed until 1:30am. Once upon a time I was able to do these late-to-bed-early-to-rise schedules, but in my old age I just can't manage it nearly so well. I like my sleep, and I want as much as I can get my paws on. 5.5 hours is clearly not enough, so I have become and avid coffee drinker today. I don't drink coffee all that often, so a few cups of this and I oughtta be a total twitch bag.

Tonight is a big tv night. The series finale for Friends, and the second last Survivor (I believe the finale is on Sunday). Eek!! So exciting. I'll have to have a nap after work so I'm fresh as a daisy for all the fun. I'll be heading over to Princess Blondie's tonight for Survivor, so that makes me happy (I couldn't last week, and I sure missed our Thursday ritual). Meanwhile, I gotta put in what will no doubt feel like the longest day of my life, at work. When you haven't had enough sleep, time has a way of crawling...

 
Ok, look......I'm only going to lightly touch on this issue, because it's already being discussed to death. I'm of course, referring to the photos of the Iraqi prisoners being abused by the US Army. Have you seen them? I mean really seen them, not just the one of the guy on the box? (click that link back there if you haven't. be warned, it's harsh stuff. link via Grasshoppa)
My thoughts on it are simple: I don't care how you cut it, it's wrong. Those may have been the worst Iraqis on the planet (ie: carried out Saddam's wishes) but that does not mean you strip them down and force them to give oral sex to each other while you stand there with a cigarette dangling from your mouth, and a big grin on your face (which also makes me wonder what kind of a dumbass you are that you'd take pictures of yourself doing such stupid things). The US is claiming to be coming in to serve justice to the people and help them create their own wonderful government and to rebuild the country, and the entire world is watching. The ARAB world is watching. It is up to that army to set the example and to rise above such wartime atrocities. This war was not a popular one to begin with, and this just lost what little world support there may have been. Those soldiers are a disgrace to not only the USA but to the civilized world. Nice job, ladies and gentlemen...nice job. You just made the task a million times harder. I wish the US Army the best of luck cleaning up the mess and winning back some support.

And with that, I move on to random (and much lighter) topics. First of all, I'd like to tell you all about my latest favourite cleaning product, Vim with bleach. Gets my tub and toilet clean like NO other product. Love it, can't get enough of it.

What else? ....... ah yes, Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby. I don't know why I've been thinking about this story lately, but I have been trying to track down a copy. I had it as a book-with-tape when I was a child (where you read along with the tape narrating the story) and I listened to it over and over and over again (I can still remember some of the lines in it, 20 years later). Little did I know how politically incorrect much of it was (it has subtle racial undertones towards African-Americans). I have found the story online, but it's now a watered down version (Brer Rabbit used to invite Brother Fox to smack him, for instance...but that has been removed). Anyway, I just thought I'd share that. Maybe I'll pick it up on eBay one day, I saw a couple of copies there.

And now I leave you with a cartoon. It's a take on the movie The Shining.... but this time it's done in 30 seconds, and re-enacted by bunnies. If you recall, I once gave the link for this, but for the bunny version of The Exorcist. Both can be found here. Enjoy!

 
Allow me to give you a glimpse into what goes on in a closed AA meeting (closed means that only alcoholics are allowed, open meetings are open to family and friends). Closed is where all the good stuff really happens.

Last night I arrived just as the meeting was starting, much to the annoyance of my friend/sponsee (we usually talk alone for a bit before the meeting). The group was quite large, and was eventually divided up into 3 smaller groups. The group I remained with had a strange cast of characters. Two people had odd little speech impediments, a woman and a man. The man I recognized, as I have seen him around for a few years. He's a cute though slightly eccentric old man; harmless enough in his own nutty way. The woman I was not immediately familiar with, but was mesmerized by the way she spoke; she was like a 15 year old trapped in a 30 year old body. Lots of "omg, can you believe it??" kind of talk, all in that same pitch that is like nails on a chalk board when enough teenage girls get together and talk like that. This coupled with her speech impediment made me have to resist giggling. I tried to keep my eyes on my lap, and not make too much eye contact.

As the meeting progressed we were all taking turns reading from a book. When it came time for me to read I got about a paragraph into it when a large smirk began crawling across my face. Sensing this was largely inappropriate I tried to stifle it, but it only made it worse. Finally, I couldn't read for the giggling and had to pass the book to my friend sitting beside me. I apologized to the group.

Anyway! After that we were going around the circle and everyone was sharing (thoughts on what we read, or whatever they needed to talk about). It rolled around to one of the guys I know fairly well, though he was acting strangely. Quieter than usual. He is a tall chap, with a clean shaven/bald head. He was wearing a black long sleeved turtle neck shirt, black jeans, black cowboy boots and black sunglasses (at 8:30pm in a basement of a church). When he finally spoke he talked about how he had just come from the hospital where his friend is dying. This friend was his best man at his wedding, and has known him for years...and he was dying of complications due to alcoholism (usually liver/kidney failure). This is a serious and sad matter, and a reminder as to why we are all there; alcoholism is a life and death struggle, folks.

So finally I was able to straighten myself from the giggly mood I was in, and listen to this poor man talk about how sad and angry he was. And I was SO good....up until he began to describe his friend. He said his friend was a small man with a big heart. In fact his words were "He is 4'10" with a 10' whore". He meant to say heart, not whore. Well that was it, I had to bury my face in my hands as casually as possible...now was NOT the time to laugh. But come on!?! All I could picture was a 10 foot whore!!! Can you IMAGINE what she would look like!?!? That would be one big ho.
To make matters worse, 30 going on 15 woman stands up and walks over to the guy to shake his hand (wha??) and then give him a hug. Now, I'm sure y'all on the outside see no problem with this, but it's kind of frowned upon in a meeting. Not that we are a bunch of insensitive bastards, but it tends to be very disruptive in the meeting (and it was as she stood in the middle of the circle asking if he was ok) and it has to be kept in mind that there are other people who have to speak yet, and they may have something equally as devastating going on in their lives. Hugs and consolations are saved for afterwards, when the person will generally get more than they can handle. So the meeting went downhill from there as this chick is now standing behind him rubbing his shoulders, pawing his ears and rubbing his head. It was distracting and kinda grody.

All in all, the meeting was a friggin' circus. Doesn't usually bother me, but I have a friend there who needs a serious meeting and needs to be heard too. So afterwards she and I went and had coffee and sat and talked for an hour or so.
And let me tell you a little something...I have a magic ability. If there is an Israeli within 30 feet of me, I WILL find him. Last night as I was talking to my friend, I noticed the two gentlemen at the table next to us were speaking Hebrew. Now I was being a bad friend, coz I had one ear cocked to their conversation and one to my friend. Wrong of me perhaps, but I can't help it. lol. I don't get to hear as much Hebrew as I'd like to.
They got up and went outside for a smoke and came back in at one point, and when they were sitting back down we kinda made eye contact so I smiled and said hi (my friend was wondering what the hell I was up to). Eventually my friend and I concluded our conversation, and when we got up and left I turned to the guys as I was walking away and said "Laila tov" (goodnight). They looked rather surprised and finally managed to say goodnight to me too. I was amused and quite pleased with myself. LOL

the end.

 
I went to see the most fantastic film on Sunday, with That Redhead. It was called Behind Enemy Lines and is one of those films that will have you thinking for years to come....and for me it had me crying and laughing all at the same time. It took a heartbreaking look at the Israeli-Palestinian conflict through the eyes of two men (one from each side of the conflict) who, through friendship, struggle to get each to understand the other's side of things. Each man takes the other to his side of the world and shows what he feels are important areas or points of interest in an effort to open the other's eyes to what's going on. My words are sadly doing no justice to this film....it was very moving. I cried. Lots. lol!

I was *thrilled* to see that the two men (Palestinian journalist Adnan Joulani and Israeli policeman Benny Herness) had actually come all the way to Toronto to screen the film. They took questions afterwards, and (as That Redhead puts it) I went all fan-girl and chased the men down so I could try and speak with them and get their pictures. Unfortunately I don't make a very good fan-girl because I don't have much to say to people like that and I end up being all shy, but I did get my picture taken with Benny (the super hot and sweet Israeli man. *swoon* Damn that wife and kid!). He was really nice....and really friggin' tall. I haven't had time to edit the pics today, I'll put them up tomorrow. Then I went and stood by Adnan, the Palestinian, so I could hear him talking to the hordes of Jews that were swarming him and forcing him to defend his position. I really felt bad for him, and thought he was damn brave to stand there and take his licks from an obviously biased crowd. What I wouldn't give to have coffee with that guy; I'd ask him a million questions, and many of them wouldn't even be that political. I am just curious about how he grew up, where he got his education (he speaks at least three languages fluently) and just generally get his take on things. He was a very interesting guy.

Both men were the sweetest, and clearly had great affection for each other. They don't see eye to eye on the nitty gritty issues, but they remain friends through the debate (and yes, the debates got heated from time to time). It's wonderful, and I only wish more of that was going on in Israel. *sigh*

Just seeing all the clips of Israel...seeing places I recognized from my trip...made me really sad about not being able to go again anytime soon. I'm entertaining the idea of a sugar daddy. Those interested, may apply within. *wink*

Anyway, it was a great day and I finally got to meet That Redhead. We have been talking online for a while now, but now we know each other in the REAL world. Oooooo....ahhhhhh. We had a great time (at least, that's what she's saying on her journal... lol).

And now I'm gettin' ready to hook up with my friend to do a meeting. Yup, I know how to have fun. :-)

 
Before I talk about me......

There was more anti-semitic vandalism in the Toronto area on Friday. I am much more disturbed by this one than any of the previous times because it shows more thought and more "education" than just a couple of punk-ass kids knocking over some headstones. This time phrases such as "Einsatztgruppen A" and "Son's Of Gestapo" were written on a synagogue with black marker. For more info including video footage, click the link.

Spartacus posted news of anti-semitic vandalism in France, complete with pictures. Check out his post, it's pretty horrifying as well. Frankly, I'm not impressed by either incident. As civilized as we may believe the world has become.....clearly it's not.

Meanwhile, a couple of Palestinians took it upon themselves to murder a pregnant woman and her 4 children, by shooting up a car they were travelling in. "The dead were identified as Tali Hatuel, 34, eight months pregnant and her daughters Hila, 11, Hadar, 9, Roni, 7, Merav, 2 all from the settlement of Katif.". Remind me again how it is that the world has more sympathy for the Palestinians than Israel?? Makes me sick.

As for me...well.... I'm done having my little pity party for myself. I'd like to thank everyone who was kind enough to show me some support and shared some reassuring words. A big hug goes out to Oren and the rest of you for making me feel loved. Thanks for all your comments, you guys are the very best! And hey, it was almost worth it just to get a comment out of Dinesh for the very first time!! (speaking of which, THERE'S a guy who has a cool job!) And shout out to Chris L., a regular reader and commentor on my blog, for engaging me in a delightful e-mail conversation and allowing me to get to know him that much better. I will get back to your e-mail, I promise (and let's all encourage him to get a blog of his own...the guy has lots of interesting things to share, lemme tell you!).

Basically, I had a bad day at work on Thursday and was clashing with the boss. It was a combination of the stress and worry about my friend, and not being all that happy with my job and the tasks being assigned to me that day. Friday my boss told me to not bother coming into work and to take the day to calm down, think about my actions (yes, I was a jerk, I admit) and to figure out just what it was I wanted out of this job, and what direction I wanted to go in. This is now the THIRD time my boss has asked me just what it was I wish to do in my job that will make me happy since I'm obviously not. This lead to me spending the day in an emotional haze since I really *don't* know what I want or why I'm not happy. And more importantly, I don't know how to find the answers. Can I save this job and find a way to make it my own and make it something I like (maybe even love)? Will I never find happiness in this job because it's not what I truly want to do? If so, what IS it that I truly want to do??

So all these questions rolling around my head lead to me just shutting down for the day. I'm not always the best at coping with stress, and I get very stressed when I think about what I want to do with my life when I'm on the verge of turning 30. I really *ought* to have some kind of idea by now, don't you think? So does this mean I go to a career counsellor and do one of them personality tests? do I stay in my job now or do I leave? gahhhhh!!! I don't know!!!!

Princess Blondie called me on Friday coz she knew something was up. I had me a little cry on the phone with her, and she came home at lunchtime and made me a nice cup of Chai tea and talked with me for a while. *sigh* She's just the bestest neighbour and friend a girl could ask for. I felt lots better after that.
Friday night I went to a meeting with my friend/sponsee, which was painfully boring. Luckily we make our own fun, but man, there's only so much fun we can invent out of nothing. lol. Then after the meeting I met up with another friend of mine ("Melra") and went and saw Kill Bill 2 again. Great movie, loved it the second time too.

Saturday I went out with Melra in the morning and we drove around and did all kinds of shopping. In the end I didn't buy anything for myself, but I did pick up a huge package of salmon for Princess Blondie (as per her request, I don't just pick up a whack of salmon for my neighbours. what kinda weirdo do you take me for, anyway??). After that I came home, tried to have a nap. Went out to dinner with my mom and then came home and hung out with Princess Blondie and Bruno (did I mention I have the nicest of neighbours?). I let Bruno use my super-awesome food sealer to divide up his salmon and vacuum seal it into smaller portions for freezing. Now he wants a food sealer of his own (and rightfully so, these things are awesome!!).

After that I decided I was still not in the mood to go out with a group of friends, so I holed up in my apartment and watched Brother Bear (great film!). Am I a crazy girl on a Saturday night, or what??? lol

Today I am going to meet up with That Redhead to go see a film in the Toronto Jewish Film Festival. Should be interesting, I'll report back on how that goes.

And that's about it. Thanks again for showing me that I have the best readers ever, and for offering such kind words. Hope you all had a great weekend.

 
I'm having one of my little emotional meltdowns today, come back another day when I will hopefully have something more intelligent to say (than "boohoo, woe is me!"). I've taken the day off work to wallow right-proper and hopefully do a little soul searching (and to hide in my cave, let's be honest). If anyone has any idea as to "what I can be when I grow up", I'm wide open to suggestions. Thanks for stopping by, and may I suggest you pick one of the blogs in my blogroll that you haven't tried before, for something new to read.

 
"Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin' is gone"

Last night I got a call from one of my friends (who also happens to be my sponsee in AA) saying she needed to go to a meeting and wanted to talk to me. When you get a call like this it's never good, and usually means the person is in trouble (and we all know how hard it can be to ask for help). I dropped everything to meet up with her.

I met her in the parking lot outside the meeting to talk to her before we went in. She confessed that she had started drinking again, and that she should have told me when we hung out on Saturday. She broke down and cried and we talked it out. She was afraid that I would be mad that she didn't tell me sooner, and I told her that it was better late than never. There is guilt and shame that comes with admitting to drinking again and I understood why she didn't sooner. But now it was time to develop a plan of action to get her back onto the road to recovery before she derailed her whole life again. As her sponsor this creates a large responsibility for me, as I try to draw up a plan of action to help her; she's come to me for guidance afterall (which all feels weird since she's older than me, but I have almost 5 years sobriety, she sure doesn't).

First thing I did was get her to commit to going to meetings with me every night for the next while. I cleared the decks by cancelling all my plans for the next week or so (including Survivor with Princess Blondie tonight) in order to make sure I'm there to help her out. My cell phone stays on 24 hours a day and she is to call me before she picks up her next drink. I gave her a list of other things I wanted her to do and then we went into the meeting.

The problem is, I am terrified that I won't be much help to her. Yeah we're best of friends, but I haven't exactly been a stellar spokesperson for AA. Since losing Shane 3 years ago, my appearances at the meetings have been sporadic at best. But most of all I am terrified that I will lose her to alcoholism, a common fate in this program. I have buried a few alcoholic friends who just couldn't ever seem to stop, and paid the price. And let me tell you....it was one of the worst moments of my life as I watched two young children weeping at the graveyard as people tossed dirt on top of their mother's casket. It is a horrible image I will never be able to erase from my memory, and it terrifies me to think this could happen to my sponsee.

At the end of last night's meeting I gave my friend a big big hug and told her that I was NOT going to lose her, so she better do what I say. And that's what makes this such a great program....it's all about paying it forward. Someone did this for me once, and now I am doing it for my friend. It's one of the foundations of AA, and it works. We help each other, and love each other until we can once again love ourselves.

I was very upset after I left her last night, and cried out of great fear and worry. Today wasn't much better, as I was in a different world all day while I was at work. However, I just got back from another meeting with her tonight, and I'm feeling better. She is starting to feel better too and a little stronger already. She knows what she has to do and is willing to do it. We had a great time at the meeting tonight (our giggling was frowned upon) and I look forward to the next meeting. Maybe this was all part of the big plan....a way of getting ME back into the rooms that I have been avoiding since losing Shane. This could be very good for us both.

Speaking of which, at the meeting tonight I recognized one of the guys as a member of my group from a long time ago. We got talking about the girl who drove drunk and killed Shane, and he told me that she was acquitted on the charges. My blood boils just thinking about it, but sadly it doesn't surprise me. I'll have to take comfort in the idea that she is the one who will have to live with what she's done for the rest of her life. And she better look out, coz karma is an unforgiving bitch.

Anyway, I'm pretty bagged. I'm gonna get in my jammies, and get ready for E.R. (and if I can stay awake, I wanna watch Survivor before someone ruins it for me; I taped it).
Thanks for listening. :-)

"It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'.....

.....And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night"

 
So after my Hebrew class last night I felt all inspired to learn (as I always do, I have a great teacher) so I went out and dropped some coin on a book I have been looking at for a while now. I know, it's not everyone's idea of great reading, but I'm hoping it will help me on my quest to learn this friggin' impossible language.
While I was at the bookstore I also grabbed a program for the Toronto Jewish Film Festival. It's very exciting, though I'm not sure how many movies I will be able to see. The one I really want to see, Hebrew Hammer (check it out, there are familiar actors in there! it looks hilarious!), conflicts with my Thursday night Survivor plans with the neighbour. We'll see, it depends on how badly I want to see it.

So, it should be known that I am a girl who is all about immediate gratification. When I want something, I want it NOW and once an idea is stuck in my head I obsess. Learning Hebrew is no exception. I get very frustrated because I just want to speak it NOW...none of this painfully slow learning crap; I'm far too impatient. I have daydreamed with a few friends about a fantastic future in which we would have memory slots, and you could put in language chips. I asked my friends which languages they would choose if they were only allowed five slots (and if you want English that takes up one of the slots, no freebies!!). I said I wanted English, Hebrew, French (loathe as I am to say it, but it's handy), Spanish and...some kind of Oriental language. I'd have to do more research before I specify. Japanese? Cantonese? Mandarin? I'd have to look into the matter. Which languages would you like to have?

Anyway, in my renewed obsession to learn Hebrew I have gone back to listening to the Hebrew language cd's in my car to and from work. That gives me about an hour a day, which is pretty good. And I am hoping I can exercise discipline and do at least an hour of homework every night, but I can be a lazy bastard sometimes so I'm not sure how long that will last. The way I look at it, an hour, if you do it *right* after work as dinner is cooking, shouldn't be that hard to manage. Just gotta muster that discipline that's so hard to come by.

I'd also like to get a bike ride in every night after work too, but I'm not sure how often THAT would actually happen. First problem is to get the bike from my parents home (gee, that might help). LOL. But I like bike riding, and don't even see it as exercise so much as a fun activity; the fact that it's good for you is just a bonus. I live in a neighbourhood that is much easier to get around in by bike than car, so it would give me a chance to explore areas and stores/shops I haven't seen yet. This is my spring and summer project.

I also bought some cookbooks last night when I was at the bookstore. They are my favourite kind...small little books with colour pictures on every page, and 6 steps to the recipe or less. Makes it all very manageable. I'm hoping to break out of my boring routine in which I have about 5 meals I make well, and cycle through them. In other words, I lack cooking imagination. Doesn't mean I don't like to cook, coz I do. I just don't have the imagination to dream up exciting ideas and recipes. So add that to my project list for this spring and summer. :-)

What are your plans for this summer? Making any changes?

 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISRAEL!!!! Today Israel is 56! And what a country it has become...a beacon of democracy in a sea of chaos. It is the only country in the Middle East in which it's citizens have freedom of speech, freedom to be gay or straight and freedom to practice whatever religion they like. Try that in a country like Egypt or Saudi Arabia or Syria! Israel should be an example to those in the Middle East who would strive to control their citizens telling them who they should worship, how they should dress or how to treat their women. Why is Israel so hated by the Arab countries? Because it is everything they are not but secretly wish they could be. Israel has done all this and more and it is a mere baby in terms of it's age. In 56 years it has established itself within the world and made it a force to be reckoned with. It makes huge contributions in the medical and technological world, and continues to grow and shine. Want to break away from all the news of the conflict and see what Israel is REALLY about? Go read more on Israel 21C, a fantastic site that talks about all these wonderful advancements and discoveries. I *highly* recommend you at least take a peek. Humour me here, go have a look. :-) And I wanted to attend the Yom Ha'atzmaut walk that's happening tonight in my area, but I have Hebrew class. Apparently it'll be a special Yom Ha'atzmaut class, so I'm looking forward to it. *grin*

Here are some fantastic articles for Israel's Independence Day (ranging from "what Israel means to me" type of stories, to stories of those who have moved there and tried to fit in. very insightful and moving stuff!) Hat tip: Smooth Stone.
And you simply MUST see Imshin's tiny new kitten crawling across the Israeli flag. SO CUTE!!!! And for something amusing read this article "You know you're an Israeli when...". I was amused as I recognized many of these traits in my Israeli friends.

Meanwhile there are those out there in the world that thrive on chaos and wish to spread their hate wherever they go. Thankfully a huge Al Qaeda plot was foiled, and it is estimated it would have likely killed 80,000 people if it had succeeded. The targets were both U.S. and Jordanian interests, which I hope wakes the Arab world up to see that Al Qaeda doesn't protect their own Arab brethren, *everyone* is a target. Remember when the Arab world was cheering Al Qaeda's "success" on 9/11? Yeah, I doubt they'd be so enthusiastic if THEY were the target. Sadly, I think it's going to take an attack on them in order to have them get with the program on all this; it sure worked for the rest of us. Read Imshin's comparison between cancer and terrorism...I found it to be highly accurate.
Oh and despite Hamas efforts to hide the identity of their newly appointed leader, the IDF has identified him. I hope he knows how to dodge missiles.

 
Today is Memorial Day in Israel, a time to mark those who have fallen in order to protect their country. From November 1947 to today a total of 21,782 soldiers have fallen (184 in the last year alone). Once again the siren was sounded across Israel, and everyone stopped what they were doing for a moment of silence. If not for those soldiers, Israel would not exist. To read about this day from an Israeli perspective check out Rinat, Allison, Israellycool, Gilly or Aaron.

Times are tough in Israel, with the political situation a chronic problem, the conflict always looming and economic woes evident (Israel reached an all-time high unemployment rate of 11% recently). But after mourning the loss of 6 million Jews last week, and their fallen soldiers this week, Israel really knows how to pull out of the sadness and wake up the country. Starting at sundown tonight (just as Memorial Day actually started at sundown last night), Israel celebrates Yom Ha’atzmaut, or Independence Day (Israel is a baby..only 56 years old!). And like any country celebrating it's birthday (and boasting a population of 6.8 million) , Israel comes alive with parties and barbeques and gatherings. All much needed release after a difficult week, and indeed, in the face of difficult times. I only wish I could be there to join the great celebrations. Israel has most certainly earned it, it's been a long hard road.

For those in the Toronto area, there will be a Yom Ha'atzmaut walk in celebration of Israel's birthday; details here if you are interested in joining. Also! The Toronto Jewish Film Festival starts May 1st. Info on that here.

But for today, let us remember those who had died in order to protect.

 
You may have noticed right away that there are NO pictures on my site at the moment. Ask me how much I loooooooooove my internet service provider right now? Yes, it seems that my pictures have allllll disappeared from my webspace, as provided by my isp, and I cannot access it using my ftp program to fix it. Seems there's a "glitch" of some sort. I was reduced to a multitude of swear words over the phone as I was filled with intense anger, and did my best to not take it out on the poor idiot who has to take my call. I am *extremely* irate at this very moment, as it pains me to no end to see my webpage a mess like this. It's killing my very anal personality and if ROGERS doesn't fix this problem soon I may need therapy to undo all the damage. Rotten fucking bastards, way to start my week off right.

If anyone has some suggestions as to how I may fix this, I am listening. Because the idea of going back into ALLLLL my posts that have pics and fixing the html tag for each and every fucking one of them because I've moved the pics elsewhere makes me want to run out and commit homicide. I HATE YOU ROGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Seems the little rat bastards have fixed the problem. This only serves to remind me that I need to start looking at alternative sources (sort of like how one little virus reminds you that you should back up your hard drive more often). Mercifully my blood pressure can go down now. Whew.

 
So I went to the Israeli Market set up for the day, conveniently just around the corner from my house. First of all, let me just say that I had this bizarre belief that I would be the only one; okay maybe not the ONLY one, but I thought it would be small. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was packed and it was chaos in the parking lot. Lots of honking, lots of angry Israelis, it was stress just trying to get INTO the market, nevermind fighting the crowds inside.

And of course, there was security at the door checking bags. I was stunned as a guard stopped me and asked to look in my bag....yeah I got used to it in Israel, but it hardly ever happens here in Canada. But whenever we Jews gather in large numbers we must take extra care, for there are always those lurking out there who seek to harm us. It's sad but true.

Anyway, once inside I was a very happy little camper. I love looking around at Israeli products, and I love hearing the sound of Hebrew all around me. There were people selling jewelry, candy, wine, dishes, shoes, flags, shirts, locks (?!), all kinds of Judaica-type items and there was even a woman belly dancing. It was wonderful, and the atmosphere just made me so happy I coulda cried right there (you think I joke!). I bought an Israeli Police t-shirt, a pin with the flags of Canada and Israel (gotta look closely in the pic..lol..it's there. here's a better pic, if you're interested.) and a bumper sticker. I was eyeballing a necklace I liked, but I am still pining over that one I never bought on eBay, so I didn't get it. In the end I had great fun, I really wish there were more of those markets.

Moving right along, I'd like to talk about a little product called the Magic Bullet. After getting sucked into one of the most badly scripted infomercials I have ever seen, I soon found myself thinking that maybe they were right...maybe I really DID need a Magic Bullet for all my kitchen needs!! I didn't break down and buy it, but I am certainly finding myself watching the infomercial more and more. At first I started watching it for a LAUGH coz the acting is so excrutiatingly bad, but then...well, you know how these infomercials are. They target the weak-willed and sleep-deprived, and I am the first to admit I'm a marketing whore. I'll go for anything if it's shiny or cool. Anyway, do be sure to watch the infomercial if you see it.

I think I'm going to go grocery shopping now. I had me a loooong nap today and I'm feeling quite spunky. And I think I need to keep up this eating-like-a-real-human being habit I have recently developed, and that requires real food (versus pizza or frozen dinners). I like grocery shopping at odd times like this (no crowds), and couldn't have been happier when not one but TWO 24-hour grocery stores opened up in my area over the last year and a half. Life is good. Now if only I could get Wal-Mart to open 24-hours, I'd be in heaven.

Two last things. One: I can't watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" without crying. I just watched my first episode and wept like a bebe. If you didn't cry too, then you have no soul, because they took the home of this family that desperately needed help (a truck had driven into their home and wrecked it, and they couldn't afford to fix it) and gave them the most *stunning* home. I was fine until the lovely and obviously grateful woman started crying. It was nice to see such genuine appreciation, and these folks deserved it. *sniff* It was moving, I swear!!!

Ok, and once again, in closing, I'd like to say hi to the people who typed the following words into a search engine and found me:

"leg torso ratio child" (ok, I wrote a post on leg torso once, and this is now the SECOND person who has found me searching for info on leg/torso ratio. this makes me laugh on the inside in a big big way)

"I am feeling ignored" (oh man, how lame is your life that you would type that in a search engine?? hope things improve for you, my friend)

"girls shiny fillings in her back teeth" (I can't even make shit like this up, folks. this is for real.)

hope y'all had a great weekend!

 
Have you heard? The Dalai Lama is here in Toronto. I for one think that's pretty cool, and had I known ahead of time I might have made the effort to see him. :-/ Now if only we could get him to go to Israel to spread a little of those peace blessings.....
(side note: I had a dream last night that there was a HUGE bombing in an Israeli town. I was relieved when I got up and checked the news and saw everything was fine. sometimes I get a little freaky that way, or maybe all the news in Iraq is starting to get to me, who knows)

Last weekend I had my two little cousins (two boys, ages 8 & 10) staying overnight with me whilst the parents went off to a wedding. In my efforts to entertain them (which included glow-in-the-dark mini golf, pizza and junk food) I also rented some movies with them. I let the boys pick the movies because I had no idea what they had and had not seen before, and I was fairly confident that my idea of a good movie and THEIR idea of a good movie would likely be vastly different. Anyway, the movies selected for the evening were "Good Boy" and "School of Rock". Good Boy was about a boy and his dog (from outer space) and School of Rock is about a guy who teaches a group of kids how to rock (he creates a rock band with the kids).

Ok? Now then, my point in all this is that I noticed an interesting phenomena....both movies had very subtle gay characters in them. In Good Boy it was really very subtle, as the next door neighbours to the boy were two men. I understood it to be a gentle and subconscious way to maybe get the next generation comfortable with the idea, and that by showing the scenario in a movie (ever-so-subtly) it would teach them that this is perfectly normal. I thought it was a good thing, though it was so damn subtle that I don't think the two boys even picked up on it.
In School of Rock it was far less subtle, as one boy is made out to be clearly gay, as they focus on his artistic talent for fashion and give him a very slight lisp. Many a joke ensue as he designs the costumes for the bands, and he confesses to liking Liza Minelli. In other words, they make him "stereotypically gay". And because of that it was NOT missed by the two boys I was watching it with. During the movie one of the boys piped up and said to me that he didn't like "that one kid". I asked which one, and he said "the kid that talks funny". Knowing exactly which kid he was referring to I asked him why, as I was interested in knowing if he understood why he didn't like the kid. He said he didn't know, just that he didn't like the kid. I found this extremely interesting. They already don't like the kid coz they know he's different, but they aren't old enough or have been exposed to enough, to understand the jokes or what the character is meant to be.
What does all that mean? I have no idea, but it had me mildly concerned, though curious at the same time. *shrug* Who knows.....I guess we'll see how their values develop as they get older.

Anyway, I had more to write, but I gotta get moving. I have family in town, and I'm supposed to have 'brunch' with them in an hour or so. Later on I am going to an Israeli Market that's set up just for today. I like to go and shop around, as they sell everything from jewelry to housewares to food, and I like to spend a little in support of Israel (for those in Toronto, if you wish to do the same it's at Beit Rayim Synagogue (9711 Bayview Ave) from 1 - 5pm.
Maybe I'll come back tonight and finish my thoughts...

 
First of all, let me thank everyone for your fabulous support yesterday; I am truly blessed to have such wonderful readers. It was a hard post to write, as I went from smiles to tears as I told his story. I thank you all for taking the time to read it (I know it was rather lengthy), but I felt it was important to share. It's my way of keeping Shane's story alive and well, and maybe making a difference in someone else's life. I believe he can touch lives even now, in his absence.

I'd also like to thank my bestest friend and neighbour- across- the- hall, Princess Blondie for helping me forget my blues (this IS the same girl who gave me flowers on Sunday when I was sick, afterall). I walked over to her apartment last night for our usual Thursday night ritual of watching Survivor together, and we decided to slather on a mud mask. We girls do things like this, y'see. :-) Admittedly it felt like it was burning my face off for the first five minutes, but Princess Blondie managed to talk me through it ("fan your face! FAN YOUR FACE!!!"). LOL. It was a ton of fun and I admit, my face felt *amazing* afterwards. Thanks, neighbour!!! (more pictures here, here, here and here)

Some things about Israel (come on, you knew I'd have to talk about Israel soon or later, didn't you? *wink*).
First, I am happy to hear that The Passion of the Christ will be screened in Israel afterall. This is good, I think it's only fair that those Jews who wish to see what they are up against in the media hype have the option of seeing it if they want to (or did we forget that Israel is the ONLY democracy in the Middle East?). Let people choose to watch it or boycott it. Either way, let them choose.
Second, Israellycool has found a very interesting slide show on the cause and effect of terror. Many people have the impression that Israel has always been a warzone, but this presentation outlines how that simply isn't the case. Though you now have to have your bags checked when entering a mall or restaurant in Israel, it wasn't always that way. Only in the last 4 years has this happened. Why? Because of terror. Remember when lineups at the airport weren't 4 hours long? That would be before 9/11. Check out the slide show called "It's the terror, stupid!" to get a better understanding.

And that's about it, except for a few things. I'd like to say hi to the chap from Norway who found my site by typing "car and ladies ond sex" into a search engine. It offered a great source of amusement for me.
Also, check out this little site, JBox, as it is full of Japanese goodness. You can buy all kinds of wacky things like SOCK GLUE to hold your socks up!!! Where was THAT the other day when my socks were falling down!?!? Anyway, if you want to kill some time I *highly* recommend this site. Be sure to check out the t-shirts; you can get shirts that make it look like you have full sleeve tattoos or ones with prints of actual signs in Japan, like the "Beware of Pervert" sign!!

hope everyone has a great weekend!
Shabat Shalom

 
Today I'd like to tell y'all a tale about a guy I once knew, named Shane. It's a story about a happy-go-lucky guy who overcame some tough stuff in his life to come out on top. A guy who taught me that friendship absolutely can make all the difference in the world, and maybe even save your life. This is a journey about a guy with a heart of gold.

Shane grew up as what many would call a "bad" or "troubled" kid. He got into fights, he got into all sorts of trouble and he got into drugs and alcohol. By age 13 he was addicted to everything from cocaine to booze, and was even selling cocaine to pay for his own habits. He was out of control by anyone's measure, and his parents didn't know what to do with him. Several overdoses later he had decided it was time to make some changes. At age 15 he decided to check into a rehab in Texas.

When he was done his time there he came back to Toronto with a new and driven will to live. He threw himself into the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program and got involved in every aspect. He went to conventions all over North America, he joined the board for the home group in his area, he sponsored countless addicts (in the program you get a sponsor, someone you mentor under and go to for help, questions, and someone to speak to in confidence), he helped at treatment centres and the head office for AA in Toronto and he travelled to highschools to speak to students about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Speaking to kids was a particularly important part of his life, for he felt he could really help other kids by telling them his story in the hopes that they wouldn't make the same mistakes he did. His influence worked well, as the kids identified well with him, because of his young age. Shane lived, breathed and ate AA, and it became his salvation from his addiction. It would also be instrumental in him maintaining his sobriety when his mother died of cancer. He is an inspiration to me and many others.

I met Shane in January 2000 when I walked into the rooms of AA looking to make some changes in my own life (there's something new you just learned about me! but today isn't about me, so perhaps I'll tell MY story another day); after nearly a year on my own I couldn't go on without help. He was an angel, and I was thrilled to find someone my age in a sea of middle aged men and women. I latched onto him immediately and we quickly became fast friends (no, it never went beyond that). We spent endless hours in coffee shops talking, or walking around, or at meetings together. Sometimes I would take him to see his mom's grave. At one time he even lived on my living room floor when he was "between homes". Shane was happy despite having no money, no job and often no home (his home life was broken because of his past, never to be repaired). He had his sobriety and that's all he needed. And when it came time for me to celebrate my first year of sobriety I chose him to host my evening with our AA group and to give me my medallion. We had a bond that transcended your average friendship...we were friends born out of a need to find someone who understood us for the addicted misfits that we were. We were friends in the best of times, and partners in the worst. Shane was my friend, my support system and my lifeline.

Three years ago today Shane was killed by a drunk driver on his way home from an AA meeting. It was a Sunday night, about 9:30pm, when a 19 year old girl plowed her dad's car into the side of the car carrying Shane and our friend Andy, who was giving him a ride home. The girl who ran the red light got out without so much as a scratch and blew far beyond the legal limits for drinking (something absurd, like 4x the amount). She and her friend didn't even know what had happened. Meanwhile, Andy had sustained life threatening injuries and Shane was killed instantly (unfortunately I saw the wreck on the news that morning, a sight I will never forget). The irony was not lost on us.....killed on his way home from an AA meeting, by a drunk driver? Unbelievable. By a girl, about the age he often talks to at these schools (and likely DID talk at her school)? Unreal.
And tragic, to be sure.

I got the call the next morning from my sponsor. I don't remember much after that, it was all a terrible blur. My mother came from work after I called her in a completely hysterical state. Soon after I went to my sponsor's house, as did more than 50 others, as we all converged and tried to understand what happened. One woman, one of the "moms" of the group who knew Shane for over 10 years, gave me a big hug and said "You know that Shane had a terrible crush on you, don't you?". No actually, I had no idea. I broke down. I called a friend on a trip overseas to break the news, something I never want to have to do again. My sponsor and I met with Shane's family and the Rabbi that afternoon to make funeral arrangements (don't even get me started on his family). It's amazing how much you can accomplish when you are in shock.

His funeral was the next day, and I can safely say it was the biggest funeral I have ever attended in my life. It was packed and eventually became standing room only. People squeezed in wherever they could, and those who couldn't fit inside stood outside. And the reason the funeral was so packed despite having next to no family in attendance, was because his AA family was there, and there were MANY. But what made me absolutely break down was the sight of all the kids that showed up, hundreds of them, to pay their respects to the guy who came into their schools to tell them that they didn't have to take the path he did. Kids of all ages came, one after another, to show their love. If Shane only knew how many lives he touched....oh, if he only knew.
At his gravesite, as the Rabbi read his eulogy and prayers and earth was thrown on top of his grave, I tossed in my one year medallion on top of his coffin. Without him, I could not have accomplished it, and I wanted him to know I owed my success, in great part, to him.

Shane was just 26 years old when he died, and months away from celebrating 10 years of sobriety. He was buried just steps away from his mom, just like he wanted.

Meanwhile Andy, the driver, had a long struggle of his own. He had to fight long and hard for his life, and he was not expected to live. It would be days before he would regain consciousness, and weeks before he could move. He had extensive damage to his brain, kidneys, lungs and just about everything else. This of course, is only half the damage. The emotional toll it has taken has yet to heal, and probably never will. He rarely comes to meetings anymore.

I, for one, think of Shane each and every day. I miss his goofy laugh and most of all I miss his hugs; whenever he hugged me his arms would envelop me and I would get swallowed in his embrace. His hugs were the best, they always made me feel safe and warm. And I too struggled with going back to the meetings, since they were never the same without him. I expected to see him around the corner, or to get up and say something that reminded me of why I needed to stay focused in my own life. Not a day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will not forget him. If you wish to see his tribute page on the website for Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) click here. For an article written about him in the paper (his story made many of the local papers) click here.

Do I really need to remind everyone why drinking and driving is bad? It ruins lives. It has a ripple effect, and affects hundreds of people. If you need help or know someone who does, then DO something. And if you see someone who is about to drive when they shouldn't, do whatever you have to in order to stop them. Please.

Below I have included a quote I put near Shane's grave, as I felt it was eerily appropriate. The picture you see in this post is of us outside an AA meeting about a month before he died (yes, you can have fun at those meetings!). In the picture you can see me yelling at him for having a cigarette hanging out of his mouth (unlit) for the picture when I was trying to get a nice pic of us together (that's his smoke in my hand, as I pulled it out and yelled at him). Behold the shit-disturbing grin on his face while I nag him. The picture after that one, the less-than-candid one where we posed just like I wanted, did not turn out. Those would be the only pictures I ever got of us together, and the last ones ever taken of him.).

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to put flowers on his grave, and light a candle for him.

"It may be that he is not famous. It may be that he never will be. It may be that when his life at last comes to an end he will leave no more trace of his sojourn on earth than a stone thrown into a river leaves on the surface of the water......

But it may be that the way of life that he has chosen for himself and the strength and sweetness of his character may have an ever growing influence over his fellow men so that, long after his death perhaps, it may be realized that there lived in this age a very remarkable creature."
- W. Somerset Maugham "The Razor's Edge"

 
And how do I know spring has sprung? Because the birds have been waking me up as early as 4:48am, that's how. God help me, I hope they find a mate quickly and shut the hell up, I don't sleep well with earplugs. Stay tuned, you'll hear me bitch more and more about this as spring progresses. They get *quite* loud at very early hours. Mercifully they put a cork in it once they find a mate and get on with the business of making babies; wouldn't want to give away the location of the nest afterall. However, in a nice turn of spring events I took a picture of some wildflowers just outside my apartment this morning. I have no idea what kind they are, I was just happy to see them. Purty, hunh? :-)

Exciting!! I just got invited to sign up for the beta version of Google's new e-mail system, Gmail!!! Wheeeee!!! I know, I know, I've heard some scary things about it, but I don't care. I doubt I'll be writing anything of dire importance using this e-mail anyway. Hurray!! I'm so excited for some reason...perhaps because I got the name I wanted since so few people (relative to say, Hotmail) have an account yet. Still some good names left. celestialblue (at) Gmail.com for me! Anyone else who uses Blogger should have gotten a notice too... check out your sign-in page after you've logged in.
Speaking of Blogger users, K-Dogg has defected over to Blogdrive; check out his fancy shmancy new blog.

Also, I'd like everyone to know that I am in love with Triple Berry Cheerios and think that you all should try it. It has strawberries, blueberries AND raspberries. I'm in heaven with each and every spoonful in the morning. Apparently they have come out with a banana and strawberry version but I'm not so sure I want to try that one. The Banana Corn Flakes were disgusting and put me off the concept of freeze dried bananas in cereal. We'll see, I'm a sucker for marketing and will likely try it anyway. lol Have I mentioned my love affair with cereal? I love it so.

My Hebrew class went very well last night and all is right in my world again. I knew this was the case when I caught myself singing at the top of my lungs and bopping along to some music in my car on the way home from class. While this is not unusual behaviour in my car, I did notice that it had a certain energy to it. It was obvious that I was riding a high that comes from doing something you love. I am glad to be back in class and learning what *I* want to learn.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the stupid hockey playoffs. For those of us who couldn't give a rat's ass about it, it's annoying as all shit. I was forced to put in earplugs when going to bed last night in order to drown out the sounds of hockey morons honking their horns while driving up and down Yonge Street (the main drag/street here in Toronto that runs up past the city centre and into the northern area where I am). The Toronto Maple Leafs moved on to the next round of the playoffs and the whole town was gonna know about it. And while I am mildly annoyed with the grammatical error right in the NAME of the team (the plural for leaf is "leaves", folks. not "leafs") I am secretly enjoying the fact that we squashed the Ottawa Senators in order to move on to the next round (for those who need a little more info, Ottawa is out nations capital). There has been a long-standing rivalry and for a moment I enjoyed the fact that we beat them. I'm not sure what it is with Canadians and hockey...but the stereotype is alive and well at the moment in Toronto. Next, it's Philadelphia tomorrow night. Go Leafs Go!

Oh, and I'd like to point out that I had one friggin' scary dream about a tornado last night and woke up to find out that Illinois has been ravaged by a tornado, and other States are on tornado watch for the day. My mother, currently in Chicago, was not impressed by the tornado a mere 90 miles (145 km) away. She can't wait to come home. lol (talking to my friend on the phone at this moment and he suggested that my mother take shelter in a Wal-Mart saying: "those things are built like forts!!". I laughed till I choked. I love my friend, Phil.)

And lastly, I'd like to say hi to the person who found my page by typing in "I am your Grandma" into the Yahoo search engine. Once again, I'd love to know what the person was thinking.

 
Okay, I think it's time for a nice light post about random stuff in my life since yesterday's post was a little heavy.

First of all, I'm happy to report that after 2+ weeks I have finally done some laundry. I was forced to give in after having to wear socks that kept falling down, all day yesterday. I have now learned that it's one of my greatest peeves (socks that don't stay up) and that it's a fantastic motivator for doing laundry. I am a much happier camper today, my socks are staying up. Sounds dumb, but if one is not comfortable, one cannot focus on things like work (good lord, did I just blame my socks for my lack of accomplishment at work??).

Last night I went to my friend's screening of her movie (she goes to York University and is a film student there). I must say, I was very impressed! I had to sit through the rest of the student's films too...some were good, some were excrutiating. I'm wondering if I just lack a general appreciatation for the arts.

I have had two dreams (more like nightmares) involving the friend I started writing that letter to on Saturday. I think I better hurry up and finish it before I have a nervous breakdown.

After talking to another woman in my class (who in turn spoke to the teacher) I am starting back into my Hebrew class tonight. I have mixed feelings about this, as I feel things are going to be above my head and I will feel discouraged. On top of that, thanks to my pout over this whole fiasco, I haven't touched any of my Hebrew studies for a month and I fear I have forgotten a lot of it. In fact I had a dream a few weeks ago that I couldn't even write out the alphabet. Now I feel overwhelmed and won't even touch my homework, basically pulling an ostrich move over it. Anyway, I have brought my homework with me to work today and am hoping to get a grip on myself and go over some of my work before class tonight. I would really like to rekindle that fire in my life, because I truly loved the class and learning the language. I'll let you know how it goes.

Lastly, no one has offered one single opinion either way on whether or not I should keep the tagboard. Thanks for nothing, you rotten punks! Also, I put up some more pictures on my photoblog "Captured Dreams". Feel free to check them out. It includes a pic of the lovely flowers my neighbour Princess Blondie gave me on Sunday coz I was sick. She's just the sweetest thing ever! And of course, there are pics of Princess Blondie's puppy, Carmella, because that pup is just so darn cute. In turn I have posted a pic here that Princess Blondie took of me last week; she caught me on the way out the door to work. Yup, that's me outside my apartment (I'm numbah one! I'm numbah ONE!!).

 

Today Jews all over the world will stop and recall the great tragedy known as the Holocaust. In Israel, millions stop and observe a moment of silence as sirens wail across the country, while others around the world hold their own remembrance ceremonies. Many ceremonies include the lighting of six candles....one for each of the million lost (and if you think you can stomach the pictures, here is a site that will drive the point home. This one made me cry, as did a few others.).
I have a hard time not playing the "what if?" game on a day like this. What if somebody had assassinated Hitler, and none of this had ever happened? What a different world it would be....

I had a conversation with a friend once, who is a school teacher and herself a Jew (we went to highschool together). I remarked to her one time when discussing the Holocaust that I couldn't recall ever learning about the Holocaust in school. She quickly pointed out that it is not in the school curriculum, elementary or highschool. I was stunned! I could not believe that such a pivotal moment in history is NOT taught in schools. How is that NOT a prime example of how hate can destroy? How is this NOT used as an example of why we must teach tolerance?? How is that Jews are the only ones who learn about the Holocaust?? Why is this topic avoided? And DON'T even get me started on Holocaust deniers.

But I digress. The point is.....I hope that everyone takes a moment today to reflect on what happens when hate goes unchecked. For more insight check out the Yad Vashem site. If you wish to watch a movie that will help you understand and feel it, try any of these films here. For something different I encourage you to look at this list of famous Jews, and just think how different this world would be if Hitler's plan had succeeded and Jews were wiped off the face of the earth.
Today, as always, I will remember.

 
I'm tired, I'm cranky and I'm fairly sure my brain is cooking in my skull. Just when I thought I was feeling better, I have in fact gotten worse. I feel like complete and utter crap. *pout* Make this fever go away!!

I had a great time with my little cousins visiting, and they were total angels. Really great kids.
And I went to a toy show today with my friends and did my best to not buy a 18" Hellboy toy. Man oh man, did I want it. Haven't wanted something like this since that damn necklace I saw on eBay. Once again, I showed great restraint and reminded myself I don't have money to burn. *sigh*

I just finished puppy sitting for my neighbour, Princess Blondie. This puppy (Carmella) is masterful at trying my patience. It serves as a perfect reminder as to why I don't want a puppy or baby of my own. Mercifully, she's back in her own home now. AND! Princess Blondie and Bruno were sweet enough to bring me flowers when they came home, to help make me feel better!! Can you believe it?? *grin*

Ok anyway, I really don't feel well, so I'm gonna try and sleep.