Monday, April 12, 2004
the savta epiphany
I've just made a decision. This comes after a weekend spent mostly alone in my "I need some time to think about things" cave, along with a 4 hour car ride yesterday to spend time with the family and have a big dinner together.

I have decided I am going to quit my diving job (no, this doesn't mean I'll give up diving). First of all, last week I didn't work at all at my second job, and ya know what? I was happy. I was thrilled that when I got home from work, I didn't have to go off to another job. I could stay home and relax. Or go out with friends. I could do whatever I felt like. Last week I didn't call to find out when my boss wanted me to come in (he kinda flies by the seat of his pants and doesn't really make up schedules) and he didn't bother to call me either. So I didn't work.

But most importantly, I have decided to quit because this weekend has opened my eyes to what my priorities should be right now. As I mentioned before, my grandmother spent some time in the hospital this weekend. She was told that she had some water on her lungs, resulting from her heart not being strong enough to circulate blood (and therefore air) properly. She's feeling better now, but this is clearly not a problem that is going to go away. Her heart is not strong, and has been getting weaker. She's old, these things happen. And she's been told by several doctors that her heart has had some damage over the years (likely from a few undetected heart attacks) and that repair was out of the question. So, to be realistic, I have to acknowledge the fact that my grandmother is not going to be around forever, like I'd like to believe she will.

So. Do I want to spend this summer working my ass off in a retail store (diving gets much busier during the summer, afterall) or do I want to spend all the time I can with my beloved grandmother? See, my grandma lives in a wonderful house, right beside a lake. And in the summer I go up there for a few weekends and spend some time with her, get away from it all and to This woman LOVES to go fishing. So we get up at the crack of dawn and hop in the boat to go catch some dinner. This is one activity that brings her complete and total joy. She talks and dreams of it all winter, and then does it all summer. However, she's getting older (she's 84 this year) and it's getting harder for her to negotiate it all; getting in and out of the boat, starting the boat, reeling in a big fish when she's hooked one...etc. This past Christmas my parents bought her a new boat (named Snooks, a nickname her dad used to call her)....a little power boat that she can just step into and turn the key to start. Less difficult for her to manage, but now she'll be more inclined to go out in the boat alone...something we are worried about, *especially* with the growing heart problems.

Anyway, I love my grandma heart and soul. And I am not going to waste this summer by being stuck in a store trying to sell stuff to people when I could be with someone who has taken care of me and loved me with complete abandon. It's time to give it back and make her happy. It's lonely living up north (two hours away) from me and my family, and she really looks forward to visits from us, so I intend to get up there as often as I can this summer, damnit.
This will the summer of grandma. The bestest grandma in the world!

How was everyone else's weekend? *grin*