I'm actually kinda sad they picked a pope so soon because I was enjoying the absurdity of the "Vatican Cam" (or Vaticam, as I like to call it) that was doing some crazy 24 hour surveillance and reporting on the colour of the smoke wafting out of the chimney. I loved the serious tone that reporters took when discussing the fact that the smoke (at the time) was black... a "grim" sign that the cardinals were in a voting deadlock. Would we ever see white smoke? Could an agreement be reached? Would there be a new pope??? dun DUN DUN!!! The whole thing was gripping and I had hoped for a few more days of these hilarious reports. But, as it turns out, a German has stepped up to bat and Benedict is now the chief. Mazal Tov!

Meanwhile.... in other religions.....

Last night I was walking through my local grocery store when I saw their obligatory Passover section set up for the coming holiday (it gets moved to a more prominent section for the weeks before and after and then the kosher section is greatly reduced and moved to the back). What made me stop in my tracks and back up to have a look were the toys I saw in the section. My personal favourite was the 10 Plague finger puppets, followed closely by the Bag O' Plagues. Coz nothing says fun quite like re-enacting a plague! :-D For those who find that a little too dark perhaps you'd like to get the Four Questions of Passover finger puppets (a useful tool for reminding you of what the four questions are!). Mazta and karpas and charoset, oh my!

Speaking of Jews, I watched a documentary on Sunday called "One is too Many". It was about the growing anti-semitism in France and how Jews are leaving in greater and greater numbers. The interesting part was that many of them are heading here, to Canada, instead of Israel. Not surprising since there is a large French speaking population in Canada (read: Quebec) but still, I thought it was odd that Israel wouldn't be their first choice. Since that link might not be accurate in a week's time let me quote what the site says about the film:

"A new wave of anti-semitism is sweeping Europe, creating a climate of fear for Jews. Every day, there are more reports of Jews being physically attacked on the streets, rabbis harassed, synagogues fire-bombed and cemeteries desecrated.

The problem has been most acute in France, the country with the largest Jewish population on the continent. Jews have an historical affinity for France: it was the first country to offer the Jews of Europe full citizenship. Jews who survived the Nazi death camps went to France after the war. They have enjoyed what many French writers describe as a love affair with France. But now the Jews of France fear the republic is not protecting them from this latest threat to their security. Thousands have decided to leave the country. Many are going to Israel. But a surprising number have found another place to go - Quebec.

Reporter Carol Off and producer Alex Shprintsen tell this story through two French families, deeply conflicted about leaving France for Canada. Retired French politician and Holocaust survivor Simone Veil and Nobel Peace Prize-winning author Elie Wiesel also appear in this 1-hour long documentary."

Anyway, it was very interesting if not sad and disturbing. It was heartbreaking having to watch a teacher in a Jewish school chastise a student for wearing his kippah outside of the school when he had been told to take it off when he leaves (for his own safety). Once again, Jews have to hide their identity in order to survive...

In lighter news... I was amused by this headline I saw: Tel Avivians face 'mosquito attack'. Seems that when a swarm of mosquitos descend on Tel Aviv it's news worthy! Boy, if we reported mosquito problems in the news here in Canada there's be no time for any other news! Mosquitoes?? you don't say! Pfft.... I'll show you mosquitoes!

Btw, like how I stuck in a pic of me that was completely unrelated to anything in the post? I had actually taken it to show a certain Israeli (*couGILgh*) that there's no snow here anymore, and in fact it's warm enough to run around outside without a jacket on! Not bad for April in Toronto!

 
Am I the only who never really knew how a trackback works? I see that nearly every blog has it and I have never been altogether sure exactly how I was to utilize this feature... until now! David over at Treppenwitz has finally explained it... now if only I could do it using Blogger...

 
Stop the presses!!! Phil Collins is going to be doing a concert in Israel this November!!! This is way better than the news of The Scorpions playing in Israel! Could there be more to follow? Could Bobby Brown be next? (no wait... is he in jail again? ok, could Debbie Gibson be next?) Eek! The flood gates may very well be open, can't you just feel the electricity in the air??

So I was surfing around CNN.com the other day when I came across this wacky headline: Students re-enact Red Sea crossing -- with wine. Seems there was a bizarre contest going on in which "special contraptions had to cross a three-meter (10-foot) distance pool of water representing the Red Sea in the middle, pour wine into a glass and place it on the far side". And of course, those nutty Jews!, it was all timed with the upcoming holiday of Passover (you know, when that whole parting of the Red Sea thing happened).

Ha! See? Israel IS a fun place, kiddies!

 
It's nearly midnight on a Saturday night and right now I have my landlord is in my apartment trying to determine why certain parts of my apartment don't have power. It seems that all the circuits on a wall that runs down the middle of my apartment (dividing the kitchen from the living area) have a greatly reduced amount of power getting to them. When I turn on the lights, for instance, the bulbs give a very faint glow but offer no real light. And luckily for me this is also the wall that my fish tank and refrigerator plug into. So. My landlord has brought in an extension cord and we have the fish tank's heater and filter running now.... but what about all the food in my freezer and fridge? Given that tomorrow is a Sunday and electricians may not be plentiful this is not a good scenario. Hmm..... fish or freezer? Which shall I save? My landlord has gone back to his house to hunt for another extension cord in an effort to save my food since I indicated to him that I was none too pleased at the prospect of replacing all the frozen food I have (it's gotta total upwards of $100).
Do I know how to have fun on a Saturday night OR WHAT?? I think it's because I have to be out the door by 7:40am for my meditation group that this is happening. *sigh*

Moving right along.....

I rushed to get to the theatre for the first showing of the day of Amityville Horror; the 1:30pm show. I went to one of the automatic machines to buy my tickets and was miffed to see that the show was actually at 1:15pm. "What the f@#k??" I thought. I doubled checked the time before I left my house, I was *sure* it was at 1:30pm, and now it's 1:25pm and I will have missed the trailers (come on, who doesn't love the trailers??). I grabbed my ticket from the machine, glanced at what theatre I was supposed to be in (11) and ran towards it. The girl ripped my ticket and told me it was the last one down the hall, and off I went. As I entered I saw that the trailers were still going and that there was one other couple in the theatre. Good, nice and empty just the way I like it. I went to the very back, sat down, and started nibbling on the ice cream cone I snuck in from home. A minute later the movie started.... only I noticed something odd. The lettering for the credits seemed... uncharacteristic for what I was seeing. It seemed kinda...ritzy.. kinda glam. Then I saw Queen Latifah and realized.. oh dear God, I was in the wrong frikkin' theatre. Shit! I stood up, jammed my ice cream cone back into it's wrapper (coz you're not supposed to bring outside food into the theatre), hid it back in my purse and made my way back down the stairs to head out and find the right theatre. As I walked out I pulled the ticket from my pocket to see what the problem was.... was the girl who directed me wrong? Was I wrong? The ticket? Ah yes... indeed I had somehow bought a ticket to Beauty Shop instead of Amityville Horror. I walked back to the girl, explained that I was now going to enter the theatre I *meant* to buy a ticket for and she said it was fine. Whew.

So? Was Amityville Horror the fright-fest I was hoping for? Of course not. But that's not to say that it was bad..... it was just ok. I thought Ryan Reynolds was actually pretty good (and who knew that the guy has a killer bod?? you go, Alanis!!) though the movie was pretty formulaic. But it wasn't the worst film ever (unlike Van Helshit or Alone in the Dark) and would probably frighten lots of people. Just not me. :-/
Oh well, better luck next time.

In very happy news... thanks to one Miss Priss I now am in a state of file sharing bliss! She was kind enough to offer me a program and then kind enough to waste an evening figuring out why it wasn't working on my computer and basically acting like technical support for me until I got it working. Talk about an angel! So I am a very very happy camper now and owe her one, bigtime! I think you should all go on over to her blog and pay her a visit.... to know her is to love her. Thanks, Priss!!!

Also, to add a little excitement to my day I have been having a feud with a seller on eBay that I bought something from a month ago. Perhaps you would like to click on "contact seller" and tell her that you heard she was a petty and bitter woman and that you would never buy anything from her. Don't give her my blog URL or anything, I could do without her flaming my blog (she's already writing plenty of delightful e-mails to me), but since she's screwing me over I'd like to let her know that she's not just losing one customer. I'm sure when you look at that page you'll be able to figure out which buyer is me. lol! If nothing else, I am here to entertain you guys!

And with that I bid you goodnight!

 
Alright alright.... I'm blogging again. Occasional Bitch has lit a fire under me to get me back into the swing of things, so here we go...

I'm not even going to bother getting into a discussion about this friggin' 5 month trip to Israel. What I will say is that something surprising and perplexing has happened.... I suddenly don't feel like going. And I don't mean like, I was all grumpy so screw it I'm not going to go; I mean I just woke up one day and the desire has left me. I am going to continue to apply for financial aid and proceed to move forward with the idea that this is just some bizarre mood swing and it will pass. I have no idea if actually will or not since I don't understand why I suddenly feel this way. *shrug*

Next, I am going to ask AGAIN since no one replied to me when I asked before and I really need some advice. I need a good file sharing program that isn't riddled with spyware/adware (ie: Kazaa). What do you guys use?

Wow, it's been so long since I last wrote that Blogger has actually made some changes. Finally I can change the font size without great effort and what the hell is this "recover post" button? Hey I got an idea Blogger! How about you just stop swallowing up our posts so we don't need an f'n button to recover them in the first place!

In the news.....
A white supremacist here in Toronto was shot and killed recently. Wow, I'd feel bad if only he wasn't such a Nazi bastard. Good riddance.

A jerk responsible for drowning us in spam has gotten NINE years in jail for his efforts. This pleases me to no end, as I'm sure it does anyone else who hears it.

In food...
Can someone PLEASE explain to me what marketing whiz put the words "sport" and "chocolate" together? Because the fine folks at Ritter have a chocolate bar out called Ritter Sport which is currently getting a lot of advertisement time on my local channels and I watch the commercials in complete bewilderment everytime. What makes it sporty?? The fact that you can snap it in half? HUNH?? Perhaps I am missing something.... or maybe I am just not sporty enough to get it, I dunno.

And yes I am excited about the new Star Wars cereal that's coming out, mostly because you can get a saber spoon. Gah! A SPOON that doubles as a LIGHT SABER!! Does it get any better than that?? (do I need to remind you of a recent post in which I mentioned I am a marketing whore?)

Remember when I was saying that I am looking for something really scary? A movie that actually leaves me terrified to be alone and maybe even scars me emotionally for life? Well, I haven't found a movie that scary yet, but I was playing a game on my computer the other day (Thief 3) and there was a level that scared me so bad that when a zombie jumped out at me I actually screamed outloud. Awesome!!! Eventually I had to stop playing and watch some tv in order to calm down before I went to bed. Damn haunted insane asylums!!

Speaking of scary, Amityville Horror comes out today! Could this be it? Could this be the scary movie I've been looking for?? It LOOKS scary, no? I'll let you know... I'll go see it this weekend.

Like me as a South Park figure? I just had to add a few nerdy touches coz I *am* a she-geek afterall (we won't mention the fact that I have a countdown clock on my Firefox browser that is counting down the days to the opening of the new Star Wars movie next month). Anyway, if you want to make yourself up as a South Park character go here.

Anyway, I'm back to blogging and might even spend the time finishing up that big long post I started to write on Monday (perhaps I should break into parts so I don't bore you guys with one long post?). I thank you all for your words of encouragement, it's very much appreciated. I was really starting to wonder if I'd come back... because like my mood about going to Israel, I also suddenly just didn't feel like blogging anymore. What's gotten into me??

So I guess I'll still be seeing you guys around.... ya didn't quite get rid of me! Thanks for the kick in the ass, Occasional Bitch. (and as a postscript, I'd like to welcome back si after HER extended break from blogging. I missed you! now put your comment system back up!)

Shabbat Shalom!

 
Janet asked (in the comments section of my last post) if I was taking a break from blogging and rightly pointed out that I should be venting now more than ever. And although the plan wasn't to take a leave from blogging it just seems to be happening because I am feeling so confused and lost right now.... I don't seem to know what to say. I started writing a really long post today (and I mean *long*) but lost my ambition halfway through and didn't finish it. I decided it was just too long and that I have been whining quite enough lately. While venting on here is great for me, it's boring as all hell for my readers.

Anyway, I hope this pity party of mine won't go on much longer and I can get back into my usual writing groove. Laurie over in Livnot has offered some more words of encouragement and leads to pursue (toda raba!) and I got a great supportive call from a friend overseas last night (thanks, Stimpy!).

Thanks for your patience, I hope to resume regular programming soon.

 
You may have noticed I have had nothing to say for the last few days....
After I wrote that last post I packed up, left work and had a good cry in my car on my way home. It was then I realized how much this trip means to me. And it was then that I realized that I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't go.
I'm still feeling very disheartened and emotional about all this. Deep inside I don't feel like this is going to happen so now I am left to ask myself.... what do I want to do?

I'll be back when I have something more substantial to say.
Thank you for your support, everyone. As always, you have been great.

 
Well, I got my first "rejection" letter this morning. I have sent out several e-mails to various people/groups to inquire about possible financial assistance for my trip to Israel and the first one back read:

"Dear {celestial blue}
I am sorry that your request for a scholarship can not be accepted by the
Canadian Zionist Federation (that's where I take my Hebrew classes). The Kronitz Scholarship is for a full year study at a recognised educational institution or yeshiva and not for the program you wish to attend

Sincerely,
{woman who won't give me money}"

Ah well, one down, a half dozen or so to go. A few of these contacts are long shots and I know it, but given that I am on the hunt for several thousands of dollars I need some positive responses early on or this is gonna be over before it's even begun. Another response I got back was a delivery error telling me that the address was wrong for the Canadian contact on this list, so that didn't go especially well either. *sigh*
If first you don't succeed.... you buy lottery tickets for all three draws this week. lol! Yes, that's my big backup plan. Yes, I realize it's an even longer shot but desperate times call for desperate measures.

UPDATE:
I just got another rejection letter.

"I am sorry, but the only scholarship funds available at this moment are for university/yeshiva studies. A limited amount of funds have been granted to youth movements for their Israel programs as well.
I would suggest that you attempt to secure funds through those community organizations you may be affiliated with (synagogue, religious/Zionist movement, etc.)

I wish you success in your endeavors.
Best regards,
{another lady who won't be giving me money}"

Ok, now I'm starting to get depressed. I was really counting on these people (UJA of Toronto) to be able to help me, so that was a big loss for me. Most of the other people I will be writing to are smaller fish in comparison. This is what I get for being too old for a free Birthright trip.... and for being a bad Jew and not being affiliated with any "synagogue or religious/Zionist movement". :-(
Ugh. I think I'll go home and drown my sorrows in a night of tv viewing and gaming.

 
I thought I would write about my (possible) 5 month trip to Israel today since I am in a positive mood about it, and we all know my level of positivity about this fluctuates from day to day (sometimes hour to hour... I am a woman, afterall).

I'm feeling good about my chances of being able to do this trip today because I woke up this morning to find a lovely and supportive e-mail from a woman named Laurie over in the Livnot program. She had visited my blog (I had given out my URL in my phone interview when applying for this trip/program) and I guess had seen that I was having a bit of a meltdown about financing. I still am, I'm just hiding it a bit better now. (LOL!) Anyway, she had offered a link to point me in the right direction of where to look and was just overall very lovely to me. That was nice, thanks Laurie!

Recently I was chatting up my good buddy Rinat, over in Jerusalem (via e-mail, of course). She had pointed out something that ... well I guess I sort of realized, but was amazed to see that someone noticed in me. And she noticed it because she said she was the same way... just before she moved to Israel. She said that although she was a Brazilian and living in Brazil... she was worried more about Israel than Brazil. When she said that I thought.... wow, that's exactly how I am. I am a proud, happy Canadian but all my thoughts and energy are with Israel. I read 6 Israeli news sites a day and I don't know *how* many Israeli blogs... but how many Canadian news sites do I read? Zero. I know more about what is going on in Israel and the Israeli government than I do in my own country and Canadian government. What does that say about me??

I think about Israel, and this trip, and maybe moving there one day.... all the time. I do a lot of driving on any given day and so I have plenty of time to ponder all this. Seriously, I can promise that when I am alone in the car I am thinking about Israel every time. Should I go on this trip? Should I just move there? Should I forget the whole thing? (shyeah, right!) And see that first picture in this post? The one that says Zim? That is an Israeli shipping company and I took that picture from my car one day last year. It's funny because I see those Zim shipping containers *everywhere* and I see at least 5 a day when I am out driving. Often I will be driving around, thinking about Israel, and then a Zim truck will drive by. It feels like a bizarre sign of some sort... calling me to Israel. lol. Ok, maybe not, but still! Everytime I see that little bit of Hebrew writing while driving around Toronto I feel an odd stir. Heck, I even saw a Zim container when I was on the east coast of Canada (Halifax) last year when I was on a mini vacation! Better still, I saw a Zim container in the background of an episode of Fear Factor, as the stunt was set in a shipping yard and I have an eye for spotting Zim containers.

As for that other picture... well, any Israeli here will know what that is. That's one of my favourite Israeli dairy products.... Milki. It's a delicious chilled pudding and I love it. I actually managed to find a local grocery store around here that carries it but MAN was it expensive! I know it's imported and all, but it was way too pricey. But hey.. I bought it coz I love it and miss it. And I like to support Israeli businesses and encourage importing of Israeli foods (now, if only they would import a good hummus!!).

But I have digressed. My point to all this is that I have a feeling, deep down inside, that my future is tied to Israel somehow. I am just searching to find out what the connection is. Will I live there? Will I live here but work for a foundation/program that works with Israel? I just don't know... but I think I have to find a way to afford this trip, because I think I will find my answers there (hey, maybe I'll end up staying, who knows??). The only question is.... will these financial groups offer me enough for me to go? *fingers crossed* Maybe I need to find me an Israeli sugar daddy. *wink*

(btw, I had a dream the other night that I was trapped in an Israeli mall as it was closing for the night and I couldn't find the exit. I kept trying to find my way out and people would stop and try to help me, but all I kept saying was: "Ma? Ani lo mevinah, ani lo medeberet Ivrit!" ("What? I don't understand, I don't speak Hebrew!"). I was really stressed out in the dream because I couldn't make anyone understand me and I couldn't find my way back to my car. Oh no!...don't leave me trapped in an Israeli mall !! haha..)

 
Ok so... once again, at the risk of sounding insensitive.. can I tell you how badly I wish they would stop showing the Pope's dead body in the news? Really, it's very creepy. And in this particular photo you see in this post... it looks a lot like a court jester is standing guard over him. It does! Check out the guy in the colourful stripes! (it's just an observation, no need to flame me kids!) Anyway, may the man rest in peace now... he certainly deserves it.

In other news.... it's official, Mother Nature is an evil bitch. Check out what it looked like outside my building yesterday morning! WTF?? It was warm last week! I was wearing a t-shirt outside and everything! Then we got bitch-slapped with a wicked snowstorm yesterday. But I'll stop complaining now because it's warm again, the snow has melted, and much of the American eastern seaboard is still digging their way out. Poor Buffalo.... you guys always get way worse snow than we do.

In a somewhat related weather topic, have a looksee at a picture I took yesterday of a van advertising a local karate club. I bet they liked their name a lot better before the disaster on December 26th. The quote on the side, "You must survive!", is an especially nice touch.

I need to get some help from you guys.. I need to find me a good file sharing program. Er.. no reason of course.. I don't want to put Kazaa on my brand new computer coz it'll bung it all up with spyware. I have looked at a bunch of other alternatives (Limewire, Emule, etc..) but they all have spyware/ad-aware (though often they deny that they do). Mulder has suggested BitComet, though they charge a small fee and Bittorrent is apparently a nightmare for downloading small files (like MP3's.... not that I am into downloading those sorts of things... no, no) because it is sooooooo slooooow. What do you guys use?

Anyway, how was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty good. I went and saw the movie Sin City with 7 of my closest geek friends. The movie was ok... very true to the comic book and very well executed. But I must say... I didn't fall in love with it. It took a very 1930's hardboiled detective type of narrative (ie: "The dame had gams that could bring a grown man to his knees weeping") and to me it sounded kinda cheesy. But I liked that it was different because different is hard to find these days. Would I recommend it? Well.. it's certainly not everyone's cup o' tea, but like I said... if you're shopping for something unique, this is it. Go for it!

After the movie one of my buddies crashed on my couch and then the next day he and I bummed around the next day. I went to Costco to pick up my favourite hummus, so I was happy. Then we holed up in my apartment and watched movies coz the weather was so cruddy and we didn't feel like going out. Foolishly I went out for a coffee with my friend 'Melra' late that night, defying the weather gods. Bah. The weather was horrible.

So my friend crashed at my place for another night and in the morning I got up and went for my usual Sunday morning meditation with my group. It was possibly the dumbest thing I had done in a while coz I only got 5 hours sleep (bloody time change!) and it was freezing ice (and eventually snow) when I went. But the meditation was great so it was worth it.

TV was good this weekend! Joan of Arcadia..... check. Battlestar Galactica... oh yeah!... check. Desperate Housewives... check! I've also been watching this new show.... Grey's Anatomy. It's ok, but it's taken over Boston's Legal's timeslot, so it needs to find a home of it's own so I can get William Shatner back. Oh how I love the Shatner.

So...am I the only one that adjusts rather slowly and begrudgingly to this daylight saving time thing?? I know it's "only" an hour, but it mucks everything up for me! But hey... are we not the most excited people *ever* in the fall when we get that hour back?? It's like it's our birthday all over again!

 
As we all know I have an ongoing quest to find a GOOD scary movie, and have thus far come up short in my findings. In the course of this quest I have had numerous conversations with friends about the topic, often in the hopes of finding out about a scary movie I have perhaps not yet tried. In doing so I have noticed a curious trend among my friends and acquaintances, which is that they have begun to steer *away* from scary movies as they've gotten older because they are too scary! To clarify, it's not that the movies have gotten scary so much as their tolerance for scary movies has dwindled. Evidently in their youth they were able to rebound from a scary night of movie viewing much better than they can now. I found that to be an odd thing since I thought that you became harder to scare as you grew older... such is the case with me. I couldn't watch scary movies as a kid and now I can't get enough of them.

However, I *have* noticed something that I am losing the stomach for as I have gotten older (perhaps moreso since hitting the big three-oh)...... consumerism. This is odd because I have, until recently, been a self-admitted marketing whore. I love shiny packaging and gimmicks. I love being a consumer and going to malls and stores. I don't actually buy that much (funny how lack of funds will do that) but I love having the option. I am happiest when I am being a consumer, and often use retail therapy as a means of lifting my spirits when I am in a foul mood. If I could have a 24 hour Wal-Mart and grocery store right in my back yard I would be thrilled because I am more than a marketing whore... I am a convenience slut. The corporate world has taught that I should be able to get whatever I want, when I want and it should be no farther than a 10 minute drive away.

But recently I have been disturbed by this feeling I get when I go through a mall... this "buy, buy, BUY!!!" feeling that's being shoved in my face. For instance, there is a new mall in my area that has just opened up and it has a very "American" feel to it (this is not a slight on my American brothers, it's just an observation). Everything is bigger, shinier and louder and just more aggressive in getting the consumer to spend. It has a lot of American stores in it that had not been in Toronto prior. Anyway, I felt like I was on another planet as I walked by store after store that was aimed at teens and all the trendy fashion that goes with being a teen. I can't put the words to it... but it all seemed so geared towards sucking the kids in and making them want to buy and consume and be trendy. It seemed so seedy and insidious as I passed these stores that all looked the same and had the same nondescript teen-angst music blaring from it. Again, maybe I'm showing my age here...

And then there is the "big box" trend (thank you again to my American neighbours for exporting that concept to us). For those who are not sure, the big box concept refers to large store setups (often as tall as a warehouse, maybe even as big) that are all stuck together, usually taking up a whole corner of an area/intersection and creating what is then referred to as a "power centre". Often you will see the same 5 - 10 stores all clumped together making it the same from town to town. Around here, as an example, you will often see the giant movie theatre lumped together with several restaurants and a bookstore. Makes sense, right? Give the consumer something to do before and after the movie. Some big box concepts like to keep certain brands together.... Club Monaco, Gap, Roots, Hallmark, Jones New York, Liz Claiborne, Ikea, Staples/Business Depot, Wal-Mart... are all good examples. I personally have always hated the big box concept because the stores seem to be close together but in fact are so huge that, door to door, they are way far apart. And maybe I'm just being a lazy consumer here, but if you've just bought a bunch of stuff, you don't wanna walk half a block to the next store and then another half block to the next store after that only to have to walk back a block or two to get back to where you originally parked). It's far enough that if you are in a real shopping mode you actually gotta go to your car between stores to either deposit your purchases or drive the 2 seconds to the next store. Think I'm lazy? Let's see you walk from one store to the next in during a Canadian winter. This is one of the compelling reasons why I love malls. Everything is indoor... you can just take a leisurely stroll and take it all in. Bring back the malls, I say!

But I digress. My point is that I have noticed recently that I find this 'need' to consume a bit disturbing. Is this what has become of us as a society? North America really IS the land of consumerism and it's starting to freak me out a bit. I just have to walk around Wal-mart for a while and before I know it I want to buy things! Things I don't even really need or want.... but I am compelled to get anyway. And as I look around I see the same thing happening all over the store with other people. I'll see a person strolling along.. just passing by and looking.. and then suddenly stop and pick up something. It just caught his eye and despite not actively looking for it, he now feels he needs it. It's BIZARRE!!

I dunno...sadly I am getting the feeling that I am not articulating my point well. I guess I'm just saying that I am worried I am going down a path of consumerism that I can never get out of. I am a child of the 80's afterall, a decade in which money was abundant as were all the toys and junk I could ever want. And now stores are being built all over the place and closer together than ever so I never need to go far to get what I need. Part of me, that convenience slut, is loving every minute of it. But another part of me feels like.... like we have lost total sight of what's important anymore. We are taught to want, and taught to consume, at any cost. And part of me wants to get away from this lifestyle... break away from it... before I drown myself in debt from my need to acquire more stuff. I am addicted to immediate gratification and I know it. But I want..things! And... stuff!!
Am I the only one feeling like this??

Anyway... Shabat Shalom, everyone. Have a great weekend.

 
1) I don't know why but part of me really wants to believe Michael Jackson is innocent.

2) Wanna see something kinda weird? Check this out.

3) Tonight I am going to join my friends and eat sushi and see the movie Sin City (check out the trailer!). It's based on a comic book so we geeks are really quite excited. That and I love sushi, so it's shaping up to be an awesome night.

4) I hate to sound like an insensitive Jew here, but come on people.... let the Pope go! He's old and he's tired. He just wants to rest. His job here is done. We get it, homosexuals and condoms are bad. Peace, good.

5) I was mortified when I heard about the earthquake in the Indonesia area the other day. Haven't these poor people had enough?? My thoughts are with those who are suffering..

6) I have downgraded my status about this trip to Israel from 'total meltdown' to 'mild nervous breakdown'. I still have to go to my doctor to get a medical form filled out so that I can finish my paperwork for Livnot and begin the process of applying for financial assistance. I have been told it will take 45 days to hear back once I have put in my application. By the time the paperwork is in we're looking at TWO MONTHS before I will have a real idea of whether or not this is feasible. This is not helping me feel optimistic about this.

7) I saw Princess Blondie last night. We watched Survivor, played with makeup (we're trying to decide how to do her makeup for her wedding in June), and had dinner. I brought her a baby naming book so we could ponder what to call her baby when it's born (sometime in Dec).

8) Due to scheduling confusing with my vcr I missed watching Lost this week on tv. I am a bitter woman, because not only am I a consumer whore I am a tv addict. I'm hoping that Joan of Arcadia tonight and Battlestar Galactica tomorrow night will help me get over missing Lost.

9) I got a skirt in the mail today that I bought on eBay. Hell MUST be freezing over because if you know me at all you will know I am SO not a skirt/dress kinda girl. At all. I don't know what's come over me, but I plan only to wear it among people I don't actually know in order to avoid annoying (though well meaning) comments. Another skirt is in the mail. What has become of me???

10) I literally squealed with delight and clapped my hands when I opened up my Gmail account this morning and saw that they have *finally* added the option of enriched text writing. Now I can change my font and colours and add links to websites. AND they are increasing the storage of accounts from 1GB to 2GB!! How sweet is THAT?? I am a happy girl and I even wrote them to tell them how happy I was. If you don't have a Gmail account by now (which I can't imagine, but I suppose anything is possible) then let me know and I'll shoot one your way.

11) I simply cannot stop playing games on my computer. Thief 3 and Star Wars: Battlefront are my life now. Pretty sad, I know.

12) Do you like M&M's? Do you like Star Wars? then check this out.. it's pretty cute.

 
Terri Schiavo has passed away.
Please, let the bickering about right and wrong subside for today and let there be a quiet time of mourning. No more talk of who's playing God by removing the tube and killing her.... people played God long before that, by adding the tube to keep her alive.

May her soul find peace now.

 
Ugh. I'm in the early stages of a complete meltdown over this f'n trip to Israel (see prior post if you're just joining us). One minute I am all pumped about going and the next minute I am stressing about the money and overall decision. (my big solution as of right now? must buy lottery tickets this week!)

On Monday when I had put down my deposit I was all happy and excited, if not insanely nervous. Mere hours later I was dragged into the boss' office to get a lecture about talking on the phone too much (which I don't normally do, but that morning I was on my phone talking to a friend overseas) and about spending too much time on the internet. I just sat there and let him say what he wanted and didn't bother defending myself, because it's true. I'm not into my work or my job lately, so what could I say? I was wrong and I knew it. But as he was talking to me, all I could think was... just say 'fuck it', and go. Just quit your job now and start ... start what?? See? This is the crazy side of me coming out. I can't let the crazy side rule because the crazy side loves to make rash decisions. Quitting right now would be THE dumbest thing I could do for oh-so-many reasons.

So anyway, I have been talking to a few other people about my options. Harry has rightly pointed out that I could do a 5 month trip to Israel on far less than the $7,000 I have figured this trip will cost me (which is a foolishly conservative number, it will no doubt be higher). When I thought about this I started to question the wisdom of this whole thing. Then again, this trip is structured and offers me access to places and activities that I likely wouldn't if I did a trip on my own. Ugh, I just don't know. Is this a bad decision??????

Katie-Yael also suggests I just go the full distance and move to Israel. She isn't the first to make this suggestion, but seeing as I can't even debate a 5 month trip without falling apart, I'm not sure I can ever entertain that idea. Sure it would take care of a few of the money problems, but that opens a whole new can of worms (and stress!). I'm just not ready to think about that yet. I'm too busy wondering if I am about to make the worst decision of my life.

And I didn't go to my Hebrew class last night. I'm not sure why.. I made a lot of excuses up in my head. Like if I am going to go to Israel I should start saving money now, and those classes cost money. Then again, learning Hebrew would seem to be a good idea before I go, no? In the end I just didn't go because I was in an anti-social mood because I'm stressed right out. My brain is in overload and I have to walk around amongst people and act like everything is perfectly fine.. I hate it. Inside I'm screaming... outside I am saying "I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

 
Well, I just did it. I put down my deposit (and therefore my acceptance) to secure my slot in the 5 month program for Livnot U'Lehibanot. I am happy I finally stopped dragging my feet but also nervous about taking that next step. Last week I had written to the woman running the program to try and get an idea about what the maximum amount is that they give out in terms of financial assistance, but got no answer. I'm just trying to determine how much more I'll need to get beyond what they may offer. I am likely going to need to knock on several doors in order to get enough funding to actually do this. If I don't get enough money I don't go, plain and simple. A five month trip to Israel is a dream come true for me... I just hope I can make this happen. Let the begging begin!

And........ I start Hebrew classes again this week! Yay!!

 
I'm having a great weekend so far. It's a long weekend here (thanks to Jesus doing his thing) so I am taking full advantage of my three days off. Thursday night I spent the evening cleaning my fish tank out. Pretty gripping stuff, no? Yeah well, every so often I have to do a major overhaul and it takes me a few hours (it's a big tank!). Anyway, now the fish are happy and I am happy. Tank looks great.

Yesterday my day started off so awesome I'm not so sure there's much that can top it off. My morning began with a phonecall from my best friend Princess Blondie:

"Hello?"
"Hi! I'm so glad you answered your phone!"
"Hey neighbour! what's up?" (yes, we still call each other "neighbour" even though she doesn't live my the building anymore. Old habits die hard)
"I'm pregnant!"
{insert long pause. Princess Blondie just waits for me to say something. pause continues}
"Wow. I am speechless! I... I am without speech!" (a rare event for moi)

Finally I came around and became very enthusiastic. I believe I said something along the lines of "congratulations! Eeeek!! I'm gonna take so many pictures!!".
Truly I am thrilled and I look forward to documenting it all. *grin*
Congratulations to Princess Blondie and her fiance Bruno!! I love you guys!!

Anyway, the rest of my weekend has been spent in a strange cleaning frenzy. I'm gonna blame it on spring fever, because I can't figure out what has come over me. I cleaned out my cupboards and put together a big donation for the food bank. I cleaned my fish tank and my home and did some laundry. I have the window open for a little fresh air coz YAHOO, it's a balmy 5C/41F!!! Throw the windows open! Ditch the jacket and head outside in a t-shirt! It's WARM!!!

And it seems I am not the only one in a crazy frenzy because when I went to the grocery store this morning it was PACKED. And I mean, the likes of which I only ever see over the holidays in December. All this because the stores were closed yesterday (it was Good Friday) and (I think) again tomorrow?? People are stocking up like we are expecting a great storm... very odd.

So. I went to the gym this morning and tonight I am having dinner with my gang of friends and then a buddy of mine is crashing at my place. Then it's up and out the door for 9am to drive 2 hours north to grandma's place for a big family dinner. Mmm! I'll never say no to grandma's cooking!! And the card playing with my family is the best, I love it.

Before I go, check out this picture I took the other day when I was leaving my gym. Pretty, no? Have a good weekend, folks!

P.S. They have cancelled my beloved show "Third Watch". I am beyond devastated. I can only pray for some kind of a spinoff with my favourite character. *fingers crossed*

 
I have no idea what would possess a man to do this, but here you have it; a puppet show using his scrotum.
Enjoy fine re-enactments such films as Empire Strikes Back, Jaws, The Godfather and more...
Go ahead. You know the curiosity is killing you. Click here. (hat tip: Fishbucket)

 
President Bush: "it is wise to always err on the side of life"

Well, thank god he's weighed in on this whole Terri Schiavo case. Hmm.. is this the guy from Texas? The state that loves capital punishment and prefers NOT to err on the side of life? (and correct me if I'm wrong, but Bush IS all for the death penalty is he not? so.. abortion BAD, because it's murder. death penalty GOOD, because.. it's murdering a murderer??) Because I'm sure no one on death row has ever been wrongly convicted before, right? Nah... that would never happen. So *sometimes* it is best to err on the side of life.. in "extraordinary cases" .. but someone on death row does not qualify as an extraordinary case (and I guess in Texas it really wouldn't since it's more common there than any other state).

Then again, this IS the same feller who said a non-contiguous state would never work when he was tossing in his two cents worth about the Israeli-Palestinian road map. Really? A non-contiguous state would never work? Funny... Hawaii and Alaska might have something to say about that theory.

Boy, if it weren't for Bush quotes where WOULD I get my entertainment??

"Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican"
-declining to take reporters questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, April 21, 2001

 
So I went and saw "The Ring 2" last night. I'm not sure why, considering I didn't much care for the first one (nor did I care much for the second one, but we'll get to that). Perhaps it's part of my quest to find a GOOD scary movie, which I am beginning to believe is akin to searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Or maybe I just can't be scared, I don't know. I did nearly shit my pants the other day when playing Doom 3, just as Solomon had advised me would happen and I think it's because I have an inherent fear of zombies (and rightfully so! did you SEE 28 Days Later???). But these frights are short lived. I want a movie that's going to haunt me long term and I promise you, The Ring 2 is NOT it. You may be frightened of seeping, flooding water ruining your carpets or pasty-faced children, but not much else. The only good thing about the movie is.... The Tape. Other than that ... *hohum*

So my never-ending quest forages on. It's funny... when I was a kid I would never watch scary movies.. and this was in the 80's when Freddy and Jason were at their peak and making it so kids never wanted to sleep or go camping ever again. I think I saw the first Nightmare on Elm Street when I was 10 and called it quits after that. The movies are pretty laughable if you watch them now, but back then it seemed quite real and I was terrified. So now that I am older and wiser I am in search of a movie that scares, and I simply don't scare easily now. Rarely do I jump in the theatre when the cat runs out or there is a bang of any sort, designed to keep you on the edge. It's not the cheap scares or bloody slasher films that get to me... it's the ones that mentally fuck you that do it for me.

There are two things I can name that definitely scared me. The most memorable was Bob from the tv show Twin Peaks. Bob was the bad guy and in the scene when he was finally revealed coming out from behind the girl's dresser... I completely freaked out, and in a way I can't explain. For some reason I stood right up when I saw him... like I was readying to sprint for the door?? I have no idea why I stood up, it was just a knee-jerk reaction. But more notably.... when I saw him I was so very scared that tears actually welled up in my eyes. I almost cried! Wha?? I didn't understand it myself, but there I was pointing at the screen in horror and on the brink of tears and saying to my (then) boyfriend "Look! LOOK!!!". As you can tell, this has had the desired haunting-for-years-later effect I'm going for. It's an image I cannot get out of my mind all these years later. Why was he so scary? What was it about him that triggered such a reaction? I'll never know, but just searching for images of him to link in this post caused me to get all wiggy.... the tears! THE TEARS I tell you!! Remarkably I even had a t-shirt with this picture of him on it, back in the day!

But the last movie I can think of that has had a long lasting impact on me was The Blair Witch Project. This was a movie that you either loved or hated, and I was among those who was terrified by it. Never have I been part of a movie audience that was dead silent and craning their ears to hear what the characters in the movie were hearing. Was that a branch cracking off in the distance? Children laughing? What was that??? The people in the movie didn't know, and neither did we. But we held our breath when the characters did and we listened when they did. We wanted them to run, to get out of there. Like them we could only see as far as their flashlight shone, and we were terrified of what was beyond the light. And the ending! My god... it actually made me well up with tears much like the Bob incident. THAT is the sign of a good fright. }:-) It was scary because it seemed real (unlike, say, Freddy and Jason).

We'll pretend that Blair Witch 2 never happened, because it shouldn't have. Why must movie makers ruin a good movie by making sequels?? (btw, in the trivia section of the IMDb info page on The Blair Witch Project, Toronto gets a mention: "Some theatergoers experienced nausea from the handheld camera movements and actually had to leave to vomit. In some Toronto theatres, ushers asked patrons who where prone to motion sickness to sit in the aisle seat and to try not to "throw up on other people.")

So yeah, none of this happened with me while watching The Ring 2 last night. In fact, halfway through I was silently begging for it to be over. Afterwards my friend and I both mentioned how were considering actually leaving the movie, and had we known that the other was thinking it we actually might have. *snore* Oh well, there goes another 2 hours of my life I'll never get back.

Now I wanna hear from you guys..... what's a movie that scared you? The classics (ie: Poltergeist, Exorcist)? But what about something recently? Anything in the past 5 - 10 years? (and this can definitely include thrillers like Se7en, which scared the pants off me) Tzaddi has suggested Code 46... anyone else seen it?

 
I'll take the fact that my body is sore and stiff as a sign of a good weekend. Indeed I am so sore that I'm walking like a cowboy who just returned from a long trek, and even the smallest of tasks (like applying deodorant) hurts like hell. Yes, this is all a result of more of my curling activities on Saturday. You may recall I curled a few weeks ago, and since my friends and I had such a laff-riot we decided to do it again. And like most things that cause a delayed hurt, it seemed like a really good idea at the time. We even got an instructor for an hour to actual teach us as opposed to just guessing, and I suppose that's why this time we hurt more than the last..... now we know how to hurt ourselves right proper! Ah yes, I feel so Canadian.

So see? I did break away from my gaming long enough to leave my house. Friday night I went to Princess Blondie's house for a night of (taped) Survivor viewing. Saturday I went to the gym, came home and yes, gamed. Later I went out for a coffee with my friend and his baby (pics here and here) and then it was out for a night of curling. Then I was up and at 'em Sunday morning at 7am yesterday to get to my 8am meditation group for three hours of meditation. Top it off I took a trip to visit my friend yesterday, and had a dinner and laundry night at the parents. I had me an action packed weekend!

Anyway, enough about my boring life..... what's going on in the world?
Oh! First of all, enough with the whole seeing Jesus/Mary/Satan in sandwiches/cereal/rocks thing. It's driving me nuts. The latest is a guy who claims he has a turtle with the image of Satan on its shell. Go ahead, have a look ...stare real hard and maybe you can make it out (took me quite a bit. imagine Diablo, from the pc game). Well, of course it's Satan on his shell! As the article points out, this turtle is the only survivor after a pet store fire! *groan* Next!

And.... I'm gonna do it.. I'm gonna bring up the Terri Schiavo case. When I first heard about this case a year or two ago I thought it was pretty cut and dry. My feelings were... if I were a 'vegetable' incapable of having any kind of real life and was nothing but a burden to my family... I would for sure want to be taken off life support. Indeed, in my family we have all openly had this discussion and we are all aware of the wishes of each other. But this was operating under the assumption that the person is just laying there in a coma or staring off into space. As I have now seen in footage (and as Celti also mentions) this woman has the mental capacity of a 6 - 11 month old child (in other words..she's hardly a 'vegetable'). So her facial expression can change to reflect interaction with her family. She smiles, she frowns. She shows signs of vague and fleeting awareness. And while I personally still wouldn't want to live like that I can certainly see why her family wouldn't be willing to let go. Could you sit by and watch her slowly starve to death? This isn't about switching off a breathing machine and the person dies within minutes... this a long, drawn out death of someone who doesn't have the capacity to understand what's happening to her. I dunno... this is a terrible and tough call. The outcome just can't be a good one.

*sigh*
Anyway, how was everyone else's weekend? See any good movies? Do anything new and different? (may I recommend curling?)