I thought I would write about my (possible) 5 month trip to Israel today since I am in a positive mood about it, and we all know my level of positivity about this fluctuates from day to day (sometimes hour to hour... I am a woman, afterall).

I'm feeling good about my chances of being able to do this trip today because I woke up this morning to find a lovely and supportive e-mail from a woman named Laurie over in the Livnot program. She had visited my blog (I had given out my URL in my phone interview when applying for this trip/program) and I guess had seen that I was having a bit of a meltdown about financing. I still am, I'm just hiding it a bit better now. (LOL!) Anyway, she had offered a link to point me in the right direction of where to look and was just overall very lovely to me. That was nice, thanks Laurie!

Recently I was chatting up my good buddy Rinat, over in Jerusalem (via e-mail, of course). She had pointed out something that ... well I guess I sort of realized, but was amazed to see that someone noticed in me. And she noticed it because she said she was the same way... just before she moved to Israel. She said that although she was a Brazilian and living in Brazil... she was worried more about Israel than Brazil. When she said that I thought.... wow, that's exactly how I am. I am a proud, happy Canadian but all my thoughts and energy are with Israel. I read 6 Israeli news sites a day and I don't know *how* many Israeli blogs... but how many Canadian news sites do I read? Zero. I know more about what is going on in Israel and the Israeli government than I do in my own country and Canadian government. What does that say about me??

I think about Israel, and this trip, and maybe moving there one day.... all the time. I do a lot of driving on any given day and so I have plenty of time to ponder all this. Seriously, I can promise that when I am alone in the car I am thinking about Israel every time. Should I go on this trip? Should I just move there? Should I forget the whole thing? (shyeah, right!) And see that first picture in this post? The one that says Zim? That is an Israeli shipping company and I took that picture from my car one day last year. It's funny because I see those Zim shipping containers *everywhere* and I see at least 5 a day when I am out driving. Often I will be driving around, thinking about Israel, and then a Zim truck will drive by. It feels like a bizarre sign of some sort... calling me to Israel. lol. Ok, maybe not, but still! Everytime I see that little bit of Hebrew writing while driving around Toronto I feel an odd stir. Heck, I even saw a Zim container when I was on the east coast of Canada (Halifax) last year when I was on a mini vacation! Better still, I saw a Zim container in the background of an episode of Fear Factor, as the stunt was set in a shipping yard and I have an eye for spotting Zim containers.

As for that other picture... well, any Israeli here will know what that is. That's one of my favourite Israeli dairy products.... Milki. It's a delicious chilled pudding and I love it. I actually managed to find a local grocery store around here that carries it but MAN was it expensive! I know it's imported and all, but it was way too pricey. But hey.. I bought it coz I love it and miss it. And I like to support Israeli businesses and encourage importing of Israeli foods (now, if only they would import a good hummus!!).

But I have digressed. My point to all this is that I have a feeling, deep down inside, that my future is tied to Israel somehow. I am just searching to find out what the connection is. Will I live there? Will I live here but work for a foundation/program that works with Israel? I just don't know... but I think I have to find a way to afford this trip, because I think I will find my answers there (hey, maybe I'll end up staying, who knows??). The only question is.... will these financial groups offer me enough for me to go? *fingers crossed* Maybe I need to find me an Israeli sugar daddy. *wink*

(btw, I had a dream the other night that I was trapped in an Israeli mall as it was closing for the night and I couldn't find the exit. I kept trying to find my way out and people would stop and try to help me, but all I kept saying was: "Ma? Ani lo mevinah, ani lo medeberet Ivrit!" ("What? I don't understand, I don't speak Hebrew!"). I was really stressed out in the dream because I couldn't make anyone understand me and I couldn't find my way back to my car. Oh no!...don't leave me trapped in an Israeli mall !! haha..)

 
Ok so... once again, at the risk of sounding insensitive.. can I tell you how badly I wish they would stop showing the Pope's dead body in the news? Really, it's very creepy. And in this particular photo you see in this post... it looks a lot like a court jester is standing guard over him. It does! Check out the guy in the colourful stripes! (it's just an observation, no need to flame me kids!) Anyway, may the man rest in peace now... he certainly deserves it.

In other news.... it's official, Mother Nature is an evil bitch. Check out what it looked like outside my building yesterday morning! WTF?? It was warm last week! I was wearing a t-shirt outside and everything! Then we got bitch-slapped with a wicked snowstorm yesterday. But I'll stop complaining now because it's warm again, the snow has melted, and much of the American eastern seaboard is still digging their way out. Poor Buffalo.... you guys always get way worse snow than we do.

In a somewhat related weather topic, have a looksee at a picture I took yesterday of a van advertising a local karate club. I bet they liked their name a lot better before the disaster on December 26th. The quote on the side, "You must survive!", is an especially nice touch.

I need to get some help from you guys.. I need to find me a good file sharing program. Er.. no reason of course.. I don't want to put Kazaa on my brand new computer coz it'll bung it all up with spyware. I have looked at a bunch of other alternatives (Limewire, Emule, etc..) but they all have spyware/ad-aware (though often they deny that they do). Mulder has suggested BitComet, though they charge a small fee and Bittorrent is apparently a nightmare for downloading small files (like MP3's.... not that I am into downloading those sorts of things... no, no) because it is sooooooo slooooow. What do you guys use?

Anyway, how was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty good. I went and saw the movie Sin City with 7 of my closest geek friends. The movie was ok... very true to the comic book and very well executed. But I must say... I didn't fall in love with it. It took a very 1930's hardboiled detective type of narrative (ie: "The dame had gams that could bring a grown man to his knees weeping") and to me it sounded kinda cheesy. But I liked that it was different because different is hard to find these days. Would I recommend it? Well.. it's certainly not everyone's cup o' tea, but like I said... if you're shopping for something unique, this is it. Go for it!

After the movie one of my buddies crashed on my couch and then the next day he and I bummed around the next day. I went to Costco to pick up my favourite hummus, so I was happy. Then we holed up in my apartment and watched movies coz the weather was so cruddy and we didn't feel like going out. Foolishly I went out for a coffee with my friend 'Melra' late that night, defying the weather gods. Bah. The weather was horrible.

So my friend crashed at my place for another night and in the morning I got up and went for my usual Sunday morning meditation with my group. It was possibly the dumbest thing I had done in a while coz I only got 5 hours sleep (bloody time change!) and it was freezing ice (and eventually snow) when I went. But the meditation was great so it was worth it.

TV was good this weekend! Joan of Arcadia..... check. Battlestar Galactica... oh yeah!... check. Desperate Housewives... check! I've also been watching this new show.... Grey's Anatomy. It's ok, but it's taken over Boston's Legal's timeslot, so it needs to find a home of it's own so I can get William Shatner back. Oh how I love the Shatner.

So...am I the only one that adjusts rather slowly and begrudgingly to this daylight saving time thing?? I know it's "only" an hour, but it mucks everything up for me! But hey... are we not the most excited people *ever* in the fall when we get that hour back?? It's like it's our birthday all over again!

 
As we all know I have an ongoing quest to find a GOOD scary movie, and have thus far come up short in my findings. In the course of this quest I have had numerous conversations with friends about the topic, often in the hopes of finding out about a scary movie I have perhaps not yet tried. In doing so I have noticed a curious trend among my friends and acquaintances, which is that they have begun to steer *away* from scary movies as they've gotten older because they are too scary! To clarify, it's not that the movies have gotten scary so much as their tolerance for scary movies has dwindled. Evidently in their youth they were able to rebound from a scary night of movie viewing much better than they can now. I found that to be an odd thing since I thought that you became harder to scare as you grew older... such is the case with me. I couldn't watch scary movies as a kid and now I can't get enough of them.

However, I *have* noticed something that I am losing the stomach for as I have gotten older (perhaps moreso since hitting the big three-oh)...... consumerism. This is odd because I have, until recently, been a self-admitted marketing whore. I love shiny packaging and gimmicks. I love being a consumer and going to malls and stores. I don't actually buy that much (funny how lack of funds will do that) but I love having the option. I am happiest when I am being a consumer, and often use retail therapy as a means of lifting my spirits when I am in a foul mood. If I could have a 24 hour Wal-Mart and grocery store right in my back yard I would be thrilled because I am more than a marketing whore... I am a convenience slut. The corporate world has taught that I should be able to get whatever I want, when I want and it should be no farther than a 10 minute drive away.

But recently I have been disturbed by this feeling I get when I go through a mall... this "buy, buy, BUY!!!" feeling that's being shoved in my face. For instance, there is a new mall in my area that has just opened up and it has a very "American" feel to it (this is not a slight on my American brothers, it's just an observation). Everything is bigger, shinier and louder and just more aggressive in getting the consumer to spend. It has a lot of American stores in it that had not been in Toronto prior. Anyway, I felt like I was on another planet as I walked by store after store that was aimed at teens and all the trendy fashion that goes with being a teen. I can't put the words to it... but it all seemed so geared towards sucking the kids in and making them want to buy and consume and be trendy. It seemed so seedy and insidious as I passed these stores that all looked the same and had the same nondescript teen-angst music blaring from it. Again, maybe I'm showing my age here...

And then there is the "big box" trend (thank you again to my American neighbours for exporting that concept to us). For those who are not sure, the big box concept refers to large store setups (often as tall as a warehouse, maybe even as big) that are all stuck together, usually taking up a whole corner of an area/intersection and creating what is then referred to as a "power centre". Often you will see the same 5 - 10 stores all clumped together making it the same from town to town. Around here, as an example, you will often see the giant movie theatre lumped together with several restaurants and a bookstore. Makes sense, right? Give the consumer something to do before and after the movie. Some big box concepts like to keep certain brands together.... Club Monaco, Gap, Roots, Hallmark, Jones New York, Liz Claiborne, Ikea, Staples/Business Depot, Wal-Mart... are all good examples. I personally have always hated the big box concept because the stores seem to be close together but in fact are so huge that, door to door, they are way far apart. And maybe I'm just being a lazy consumer here, but if you've just bought a bunch of stuff, you don't wanna walk half a block to the next store and then another half block to the next store after that only to have to walk back a block or two to get back to where you originally parked). It's far enough that if you are in a real shopping mode you actually gotta go to your car between stores to either deposit your purchases or drive the 2 seconds to the next store. Think I'm lazy? Let's see you walk from one store to the next in during a Canadian winter. This is one of the compelling reasons why I love malls. Everything is indoor... you can just take a leisurely stroll and take it all in. Bring back the malls, I say!

But I digress. My point is that I have noticed recently that I find this 'need' to consume a bit disturbing. Is this what has become of us as a society? North America really IS the land of consumerism and it's starting to freak me out a bit. I just have to walk around Wal-mart for a while and before I know it I want to buy things! Things I don't even really need or want.... but I am compelled to get anyway. And as I look around I see the same thing happening all over the store with other people. I'll see a person strolling along.. just passing by and looking.. and then suddenly stop and pick up something. It just caught his eye and despite not actively looking for it, he now feels he needs it. It's BIZARRE!!

I dunno...sadly I am getting the feeling that I am not articulating my point well. I guess I'm just saying that I am worried I am going down a path of consumerism that I can never get out of. I am a child of the 80's afterall, a decade in which money was abundant as were all the toys and junk I could ever want. And now stores are being built all over the place and closer together than ever so I never need to go far to get what I need. Part of me, that convenience slut, is loving every minute of it. But another part of me feels like.... like we have lost total sight of what's important anymore. We are taught to want, and taught to consume, at any cost. And part of me wants to get away from this lifestyle... break away from it... before I drown myself in debt from my need to acquire more stuff. I am addicted to immediate gratification and I know it. But I want..things! And... stuff!!
Am I the only one feeling like this??

Anyway... Shabat Shalom, everyone. Have a great weekend.

 
1) I don't know why but part of me really wants to believe Michael Jackson is innocent.

2) Wanna see something kinda weird? Check this out.

3) Tonight I am going to join my friends and eat sushi and see the movie Sin City (check out the trailer!). It's based on a comic book so we geeks are really quite excited. That and I love sushi, so it's shaping up to be an awesome night.

4) I hate to sound like an insensitive Jew here, but come on people.... let the Pope go! He's old and he's tired. He just wants to rest. His job here is done. We get it, homosexuals and condoms are bad. Peace, good.

5) I was mortified when I heard about the earthquake in the Indonesia area the other day. Haven't these poor people had enough?? My thoughts are with those who are suffering..

6) I have downgraded my status about this trip to Israel from 'total meltdown' to 'mild nervous breakdown'. I still have to go to my doctor to get a medical form filled out so that I can finish my paperwork for Livnot and begin the process of applying for financial assistance. I have been told it will take 45 days to hear back once I have put in my application. By the time the paperwork is in we're looking at TWO MONTHS before I will have a real idea of whether or not this is feasible. This is not helping me feel optimistic about this.

7) I saw Princess Blondie last night. We watched Survivor, played with makeup (we're trying to decide how to do her makeup for her wedding in June), and had dinner. I brought her a baby naming book so we could ponder what to call her baby when it's born (sometime in Dec).

8) Due to scheduling confusing with my vcr I missed watching Lost this week on tv. I am a bitter woman, because not only am I a consumer whore I am a tv addict. I'm hoping that Joan of Arcadia tonight and Battlestar Galactica tomorrow night will help me get over missing Lost.

9) I got a skirt in the mail today that I bought on eBay. Hell MUST be freezing over because if you know me at all you will know I am SO not a skirt/dress kinda girl. At all. I don't know what's come over me, but I plan only to wear it among people I don't actually know in order to avoid annoying (though well meaning) comments. Another skirt is in the mail. What has become of me???

10) I literally squealed with delight and clapped my hands when I opened up my Gmail account this morning and saw that they have *finally* added the option of enriched text writing. Now I can change my font and colours and add links to websites. AND they are increasing the storage of accounts from 1GB to 2GB!! How sweet is THAT?? I am a happy girl and I even wrote them to tell them how happy I was. If you don't have a Gmail account by now (which I can't imagine, but I suppose anything is possible) then let me know and I'll shoot one your way.

11) I simply cannot stop playing games on my computer. Thief 3 and Star Wars: Battlefront are my life now. Pretty sad, I know.

12) Do you like M&M's? Do you like Star Wars? then check this out.. it's pretty cute.

 
Terri Schiavo has passed away.
Please, let the bickering about right and wrong subside for today and let there be a quiet time of mourning. No more talk of who's playing God by removing the tube and killing her.... people played God long before that, by adding the tube to keep her alive.

May her soul find peace now.

 
Ugh. I'm in the early stages of a complete meltdown over this f'n trip to Israel (see prior post if you're just joining us). One minute I am all pumped about going and the next minute I am stressing about the money and overall decision. (my big solution as of right now? must buy lottery tickets this week!)

On Monday when I had put down my deposit I was all happy and excited, if not insanely nervous. Mere hours later I was dragged into the boss' office to get a lecture about talking on the phone too much (which I don't normally do, but that morning I was on my phone talking to a friend overseas) and about spending too much time on the internet. I just sat there and let him say what he wanted and didn't bother defending myself, because it's true. I'm not into my work or my job lately, so what could I say? I was wrong and I knew it. But as he was talking to me, all I could think was... just say 'fuck it', and go. Just quit your job now and start ... start what?? See? This is the crazy side of me coming out. I can't let the crazy side rule because the crazy side loves to make rash decisions. Quitting right now would be THE dumbest thing I could do for oh-so-many reasons.

So anyway, I have been talking to a few other people about my options. Harry has rightly pointed out that I could do a 5 month trip to Israel on far less than the $7,000 I have figured this trip will cost me (which is a foolishly conservative number, it will no doubt be higher). When I thought about this I started to question the wisdom of this whole thing. Then again, this trip is structured and offers me access to places and activities that I likely wouldn't if I did a trip on my own. Ugh, I just don't know. Is this a bad decision??????

Katie-Yael also suggests I just go the full distance and move to Israel. She isn't the first to make this suggestion, but seeing as I can't even debate a 5 month trip without falling apart, I'm not sure I can ever entertain that idea. Sure it would take care of a few of the money problems, but that opens a whole new can of worms (and stress!). I'm just not ready to think about that yet. I'm too busy wondering if I am about to make the worst decision of my life.

And I didn't go to my Hebrew class last night. I'm not sure why.. I made a lot of excuses up in my head. Like if I am going to go to Israel I should start saving money now, and those classes cost money. Then again, learning Hebrew would seem to be a good idea before I go, no? In the end I just didn't go because I was in an anti-social mood because I'm stressed right out. My brain is in overload and I have to walk around amongst people and act like everything is perfectly fine.. I hate it. Inside I'm screaming... outside I am saying "I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

 
Well, I just did it. I put down my deposit (and therefore my acceptance) to secure my slot in the 5 month program for Livnot U'Lehibanot. I am happy I finally stopped dragging my feet but also nervous about taking that next step. Last week I had written to the woman running the program to try and get an idea about what the maximum amount is that they give out in terms of financial assistance, but got no answer. I'm just trying to determine how much more I'll need to get beyond what they may offer. I am likely going to need to knock on several doors in order to get enough funding to actually do this. If I don't get enough money I don't go, plain and simple. A five month trip to Israel is a dream come true for me... I just hope I can make this happen. Let the begging begin!

And........ I start Hebrew classes again this week! Yay!!

 
I'm having a great weekend so far. It's a long weekend here (thanks to Jesus doing his thing) so I am taking full advantage of my three days off. Thursday night I spent the evening cleaning my fish tank out. Pretty gripping stuff, no? Yeah well, every so often I have to do a major overhaul and it takes me a few hours (it's a big tank!). Anyway, now the fish are happy and I am happy. Tank looks great.

Yesterday my day started off so awesome I'm not so sure there's much that can top it off. My morning began with a phonecall from my best friend Princess Blondie:

"Hello?"
"Hi! I'm so glad you answered your phone!"
"Hey neighbour! what's up?" (yes, we still call each other "neighbour" even though she doesn't live my the building anymore. Old habits die hard)
"I'm pregnant!"
{insert long pause. Princess Blondie just waits for me to say something. pause continues}
"Wow. I am speechless! I... I am without speech!" (a rare event for moi)

Finally I came around and became very enthusiastic. I believe I said something along the lines of "congratulations! Eeeek!! I'm gonna take so many pictures!!".
Truly I am thrilled and I look forward to documenting it all. *grin*
Congratulations to Princess Blondie and her fiance Bruno!! I love you guys!!

Anyway, the rest of my weekend has been spent in a strange cleaning frenzy. I'm gonna blame it on spring fever, because I can't figure out what has come over me. I cleaned out my cupboards and put together a big donation for the food bank. I cleaned my fish tank and my home and did some laundry. I have the window open for a little fresh air coz YAHOO, it's a balmy 5C/41F!!! Throw the windows open! Ditch the jacket and head outside in a t-shirt! It's WARM!!!

And it seems I am not the only one in a crazy frenzy because when I went to the grocery store this morning it was PACKED. And I mean, the likes of which I only ever see over the holidays in December. All this because the stores were closed yesterday (it was Good Friday) and (I think) again tomorrow?? People are stocking up like we are expecting a great storm... very odd.

So. I went to the gym this morning and tonight I am having dinner with my gang of friends and then a buddy of mine is crashing at my place. Then it's up and out the door for 9am to drive 2 hours north to grandma's place for a big family dinner. Mmm! I'll never say no to grandma's cooking!! And the card playing with my family is the best, I love it.

Before I go, check out this picture I took the other day when I was leaving my gym. Pretty, no? Have a good weekend, folks!

P.S. They have cancelled my beloved show "Third Watch". I am beyond devastated. I can only pray for some kind of a spinoff with my favourite character. *fingers crossed*

 
I have no idea what would possess a man to do this, but here you have it; a puppet show using his scrotum.
Enjoy fine re-enactments such films as Empire Strikes Back, Jaws, The Godfather and more...
Go ahead. You know the curiosity is killing you. Click here. (hat tip: Fishbucket)

 
President Bush: "it is wise to always err on the side of life"

Well, thank god he's weighed in on this whole Terri Schiavo case. Hmm.. is this the guy from Texas? The state that loves capital punishment and prefers NOT to err on the side of life? (and correct me if I'm wrong, but Bush IS all for the death penalty is he not? so.. abortion BAD, because it's murder. death penalty GOOD, because.. it's murdering a murderer??) Because I'm sure no one on death row has ever been wrongly convicted before, right? Nah... that would never happen. So *sometimes* it is best to err on the side of life.. in "extraordinary cases" .. but someone on death row does not qualify as an extraordinary case (and I guess in Texas it really wouldn't since it's more common there than any other state).

Then again, this IS the same feller who said a non-contiguous state would never work when he was tossing in his two cents worth about the Israeli-Palestinian road map. Really? A non-contiguous state would never work? Funny... Hawaii and Alaska might have something to say about that theory.

Boy, if it weren't for Bush quotes where WOULD I get my entertainment??

"Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican"
-declining to take reporters questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, April 21, 2001

 
So I went and saw "The Ring 2" last night. I'm not sure why, considering I didn't much care for the first one (nor did I care much for the second one, but we'll get to that). Perhaps it's part of my quest to find a GOOD scary movie, which I am beginning to believe is akin to searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Or maybe I just can't be scared, I don't know. I did nearly shit my pants the other day when playing Doom 3, just as Solomon had advised me would happen and I think it's because I have an inherent fear of zombies (and rightfully so! did you SEE 28 Days Later???). But these frights are short lived. I want a movie that's going to haunt me long term and I promise you, The Ring 2 is NOT it. You may be frightened of seeping, flooding water ruining your carpets or pasty-faced children, but not much else. The only good thing about the movie is.... The Tape. Other than that ... *hohum*

So my never-ending quest forages on. It's funny... when I was a kid I would never watch scary movies.. and this was in the 80's when Freddy and Jason were at their peak and making it so kids never wanted to sleep or go camping ever again. I think I saw the first Nightmare on Elm Street when I was 10 and called it quits after that. The movies are pretty laughable if you watch them now, but back then it seemed quite real and I was terrified. So now that I am older and wiser I am in search of a movie that scares, and I simply don't scare easily now. Rarely do I jump in the theatre when the cat runs out or there is a bang of any sort, designed to keep you on the edge. It's not the cheap scares or bloody slasher films that get to me... it's the ones that mentally fuck you that do it for me.

There are two things I can name that definitely scared me. The most memorable was Bob from the tv show Twin Peaks. Bob was the bad guy and in the scene when he was finally revealed coming out from behind the girl's dresser... I completely freaked out, and in a way I can't explain. For some reason I stood right up when I saw him... like I was readying to sprint for the door?? I have no idea why I stood up, it was just a knee-jerk reaction. But more notably.... when I saw him I was so very scared that tears actually welled up in my eyes. I almost cried! Wha?? I didn't understand it myself, but there I was pointing at the screen in horror and on the brink of tears and saying to my (then) boyfriend "Look! LOOK!!!". As you can tell, this has had the desired haunting-for-years-later effect I'm going for. It's an image I cannot get out of my mind all these years later. Why was he so scary? What was it about him that triggered such a reaction? I'll never know, but just searching for images of him to link in this post caused me to get all wiggy.... the tears! THE TEARS I tell you!! Remarkably I even had a t-shirt with this picture of him on it, back in the day!

But the last movie I can think of that has had a long lasting impact on me was The Blair Witch Project. This was a movie that you either loved or hated, and I was among those who was terrified by it. Never have I been part of a movie audience that was dead silent and craning their ears to hear what the characters in the movie were hearing. Was that a branch cracking off in the distance? Children laughing? What was that??? The people in the movie didn't know, and neither did we. But we held our breath when the characters did and we listened when they did. We wanted them to run, to get out of there. Like them we could only see as far as their flashlight shone, and we were terrified of what was beyond the light. And the ending! My god... it actually made me well up with tears much like the Bob incident. THAT is the sign of a good fright. }:-) It was scary because it seemed real (unlike, say, Freddy and Jason).

We'll pretend that Blair Witch 2 never happened, because it shouldn't have. Why must movie makers ruin a good movie by making sequels?? (btw, in the trivia section of the IMDb info page on The Blair Witch Project, Toronto gets a mention: "Some theatergoers experienced nausea from the handheld camera movements and actually had to leave to vomit. In some Toronto theatres, ushers asked patrons who where prone to motion sickness to sit in the aisle seat and to try not to "throw up on other people.")

So yeah, none of this happened with me while watching The Ring 2 last night. In fact, halfway through I was silently begging for it to be over. Afterwards my friend and I both mentioned how were considering actually leaving the movie, and had we known that the other was thinking it we actually might have. *snore* Oh well, there goes another 2 hours of my life I'll never get back.

Now I wanna hear from you guys..... what's a movie that scared you? The classics (ie: Poltergeist, Exorcist)? But what about something recently? Anything in the past 5 - 10 years? (and this can definitely include thrillers like Se7en, which scared the pants off me) Tzaddi has suggested Code 46... anyone else seen it?

 
I'll take the fact that my body is sore and stiff as a sign of a good weekend. Indeed I am so sore that I'm walking like a cowboy who just returned from a long trek, and even the smallest of tasks (like applying deodorant) hurts like hell. Yes, this is all a result of more of my curling activities on Saturday. You may recall I curled a few weeks ago, and since my friends and I had such a laff-riot we decided to do it again. And like most things that cause a delayed hurt, it seemed like a really good idea at the time. We even got an instructor for an hour to actual teach us as opposed to just guessing, and I suppose that's why this time we hurt more than the last..... now we know how to hurt ourselves right proper! Ah yes, I feel so Canadian.

So see? I did break away from my gaming long enough to leave my house. Friday night I went to Princess Blondie's house for a night of (taped) Survivor viewing. Saturday I went to the gym, came home and yes, gamed. Later I went out for a coffee with my friend and his baby (pics here and here) and then it was out for a night of curling. Then I was up and at 'em Sunday morning at 7am yesterday to get to my 8am meditation group for three hours of meditation. Top it off I took a trip to visit my friend yesterday, and had a dinner and laundry night at the parents. I had me an action packed weekend!

Anyway, enough about my boring life..... what's going on in the world?
Oh! First of all, enough with the whole seeing Jesus/Mary/Satan in sandwiches/cereal/rocks thing. It's driving me nuts. The latest is a guy who claims he has a turtle with the image of Satan on its shell. Go ahead, have a look ...stare real hard and maybe you can make it out (took me quite a bit. imagine Diablo, from the pc game). Well, of course it's Satan on his shell! As the article points out, this turtle is the only survivor after a pet store fire! *groan* Next!

And.... I'm gonna do it.. I'm gonna bring up the Terri Schiavo case. When I first heard about this case a year or two ago I thought it was pretty cut and dry. My feelings were... if I were a 'vegetable' incapable of having any kind of real life and was nothing but a burden to my family... I would for sure want to be taken off life support. Indeed, in my family we have all openly had this discussion and we are all aware of the wishes of each other. But this was operating under the assumption that the person is just laying there in a coma or staring off into space. As I have now seen in footage (and as Celti also mentions) this woman has the mental capacity of a 6 - 11 month old child (in other words..she's hardly a 'vegetable'). So her facial expression can change to reflect interaction with her family. She smiles, she frowns. She shows signs of vague and fleeting awareness. And while I personally still wouldn't want to live like that I can certainly see why her family wouldn't be willing to let go. Could you sit by and watch her slowly starve to death? This isn't about switching off a breathing machine and the person dies within minutes... this a long, drawn out death of someone who doesn't have the capacity to understand what's happening to her. I dunno... this is a terrible and tough call. The outcome just can't be a good one.

*sigh*
Anyway, how was everyone else's weekend? See any good movies? Do anything new and different? (may I recommend curling?)

 
Well, you can pretty much say goodbye to me blogging with any kind of regularity for the next little while coz I got me a new sweet-assed computer! (check out my funky looking tower over on my photoblog) Yes, this puppy runs at twice the speed as my last one and has a video card that makes it so that I can finally play the game I have been waiting to play for years, Thief 3. I spent countless hours yesterday playing Doom 3, Star Wars: Battlefront, Star Wars: Republic Commando, and of course Thief 3. I have a stack of games calling my name which makes it a sure bet I won't be too social over the coming weeks/months. I'll do my best to keep blogging (hey, I often do it while at work anyway.... shh!) but if I become more and more absent you can blame Mulder. He did this to me. HE got me hooked. He's my pusha.

As Rat says.... avagoodweekend! (go on... imagine it with an Australian accent. it's awesome!)
Shabat Shalom, everyone.

 
Boy, it's days like this that I wish I drank....coz who doesn't love green beer!! Well, maybe I can console myself with the ever-delicious McDonald's Shamrock Shake. Mmmm.. a minty milkshake that makes you feel like your drinking chilled toothpaste. Oh how I love you Shamrock Shake! Even if you do make me feel a little nauseous afterwards, each and every time.

Yes indeed, this holiday brings out the Irish in me and I've had to resist buying one of those ridiculous "Kiss Me, I'm Irish!" shirts. It also makes me wish I got the surname of my grandmother instead of my dad's.. coz Quigley has to be one of the coolest Irish names ever. Yes, that's right... if you dig far enough into my family heritage you'll find I'm in fact Irish. My ancestors have been in Canada since...well since white folk landed here. And it's crazy little holidays like this that remind me of my roots.

Anyway, if you are wondering about the history behind this occasion click here. Coz it's actually NOT about beer, four leaf clovers OR little leprechauns. Hard to believe, I know!

And speaking of funny little people... didja hear about the Lord of the Rings musical that's being developed? That's right kiddies, Toronto is going to be the first host city for the brand new musical that is set to open up this time next year. And you're damn right I'm going! Woot!!

Waitaminute.... do they even MAKE the Shamrock Shake anymore??

 
Life is a funny thing, ya know. We struggle to do the best we can given the circumstances we are in at any given time, and hopefully push to do better in the future. It has it's up and downs and no matter what how we feel about it time marches on, like it or not. Throughout our lives people come and go and hopefully we choose to surround ourselves with those that nurture our soul and well being. Every so often you really luck out and someone great comes into your life and changes everything for you. Brings happiness and hope that, hey... life ain't so bad. This is the kind of friend that would do anything for you at any time, and in return you offer the same fierce loyalty. Friends like these are harder to find than the rarest of gems and certainly more precious.

Me? I'm pretty damn lucky.... coz Mulder just happens to be one of those friends.
Thanks for all that you do, sweetie. Your endless generosity and immeasurable kindness inspire me and amaze me. You truly are one of the good ones.
Toda raba.

"I got my freaks to the East
I got my freaks to the West
Let's get together...
Let's celebrate...
You know I can't say no to a good time with my friends
Where would I be...
without my friends...
I would be nowhere,
And I would have nothing..."
-Luscious Jackson

 
Surely you've heard in the news by now that Israel has just opened the largest Holocaust museum/memorial in the world, drawing all kinds of politicians and dignitaries to the opening this week. It's a great accomplishment and a wonderful memorial to those who were lost. Yay Israel!

Also, it's important to note that the new memorial honours the homosexuals that were killed in the holocaust... something that often goes unmentioned when talking about the history of the Holocaust. Let's face it, Hitler didn't like anyone who was different... Jews...gays...blacks... Anyway, I am thrilled to see that this is finally being acknowledged. Yay Israel!

However, I just read a disturbing report that 30 Knesset (parliament) members in Israel are going to sign a petition to cancel the gay pride parade in Jerusalem this year. Wha??? This IS the very same town in which the gays were just honoured in a memorial, right? Much more disturbing than that is the following quote from Pastor Leo Giovinetti, an influential Christian leader from California:

"If Israel continues this way, bad things will happen," Giovinetti warned. "Every time God's people go against the five books of Moses, bad things happen. Homosexuality grieves God's heart, and God judges. Historically, God has judged and there is no reason to believe that he won't judge now."

No wait... I lied.. THIS quote from Rabbi Yehuda Levin, a spokesman for the Rabbinical Alliance of American, is *far* more disturbing (if that's possible after the "homosexuality grieves God's heart" remark):

"This is not a parade, this is a 10-day radical, militant, anti-family, anti-God celebration of sodomy and pornography. Are we crazy that we need to provoke God again?"

I'll say it again... wha??? Radical and militant? Are you joking?? Anti-family? Don't even get me started. And anti-God??? No really, don't get me started.

Boo Israel! BOO!! If this parade gets cancelled thanks to 30 narrow minded politicians I am gonna be SOME disappointed, let me tell ya.

 
I have come to realize a major problem with me.... I really and truly don't know what I want. And I mean in nearly *every* respect, in the grand scheme of things.

After the demise of a recent relationship I came to realize that maybe I actually *don't* want to be in a relationship. I felt so liberated when it ended and I was thrilled to get my free time back. I could lounge in my pajamas or go out with friends after work.... whatever I wanted! Without complaints from someone that I wasn't spending enough time with him! It feels great and I have to wonder... am I happier when I am single?? I always suspected that, but now I'm left wondering..... am I happier when I am single or is it just that I haven't found someone that I am willing to give up my "free time" for?

Then there's my job. Once upon a time I really liked my job, and every now and then I still have moments in which I enjoy it. But for the most part I am drifting in and out of the office with no real recollection of the days events. I have become lazy because I lack motivation and drive. I don't like feeling lazy because it leaves a horrible feeling of deceit in my gut (pretending to be busy can be like that), but there I am being flat-out lazy. I hate it, and while I joke that it's just how I am..... I'm really not. Given the right job and right circumstance I am willing to work my ass off. Afterall it's far more fulfilling and rewarding to accomplish something rather than just sit and pass time. So what to do? I hear time and time again that I should do what I love. But what is that exactly? Certainly nothing I could earn a living at, I assure you. If I am to answer my calling I need that calling to speak up.... because I have no idea what I truly want to do. If I did, I'd be making moves towards it, I assure you. I have spent the better part of the last year trying to figure out what it is I want to do...... and I still have no answer.

And what about this trip to Israel? As I wrote to a friend of mine in an e-mail last night: "Do I really wanna go? Am I dragging my feet about applying (for financial aid) because I am afraid? Probably. I fear for all that I could lose because I have a hard time imagining what I can gain." Writing that last night helped me put a name to things.... I mean, I knew fear was holding me back, but I realized it was because I could only predict what could go wrong... I have no way of predicting how right things could go. This trip could open up a lot of doors for me, in ways that I cannot imagine. And that's the problem... it's in ways that I cannot imagine. If I could it would alleviate my fears.

At any rate, I have decided to push ahead with my application process and fight my fears. I obviously need something to shake up my world and give me new perspective and maybe this trip is it. But I'll have to fight my laziness and fear and knock on many doors for funding. If this is going to happen I need to buck up here and work towards making it happen rather than letting it pass me by and making excuses as to why I couldn't go. If I don't go on this 5 month trip to Israel it had best not be because I didn't try and make it happen.

As Yoda once said: "Do, or do not. There is no try".

 
Have ya noticed I haven't had much to say lately? I have. I'm not sure if it's because I am at a loss for words or because there just isn't that much going on worth talking about.... *shrug*

Here's a few bits and bites.

4 Gay Israelis came to Toronto to get married this past week. Yay! I love Israelis and I love that gay Israelis can get married here!! Yay for Canada and I am thrilled for these fine gentlemen who are showing their love and commitment. Best of luck to them in the future (especially when they try and get their marriage recognized in Israel).

Speaking of Israelis, one of my favourite Israelis, Harry, survived yet another stone being thrown at his car by Palestinian terrorists while driving home. When you hear of these stone throwers do you imagine little stones that do little damage? Think again... these aren't pebbles, and yes, they are extremely dangerous. Read Harry's story and see an example what Israelis are up against every day. Glad to hear you are ok, my friend.

I wrote to the fine folks at Livnot about my program/financial aid application to ask if I really had to add info about my parents income. She said if I was financially independent I didn't have to. Whew! Now I can begin the application process. Keep your fingers crossed, folks. I have a long road of money begging ahead of me if I plan to go to Israel for 5 months.

Here's a picture of the cool gift my dad brought back from China for me. It's a bronze reproduction of one of the horses in the Terra Cotta Army of the Qin Dynasty. My dad has good taste in souvenirs, no?

Below you see a picture of me I took earlier today. My parents and I went up to my grandma's to visit with her. She lives 2 hours north of us and in the wintertime, WOW, 2 hours can make a difference. It was *way* colder and way WAY more snowy. As you can see in the picture, the snow was really coming down. So yeah, we drove up, had lunch, played cards and drove back home. Four hours in the car is nothing if it makes my snowbound grandma happy. :-) For more cool snowy pictures from the great white north head over to my photoblog Dreaming In Blue.

 
Chaos in Canada!

Last week in Alberta, 4 RCMP (Mountie) officers were killed in the line of duty, rocking the country in a way that I don't quite comprehend. My father was in China at the time and he said the news of this was splashed all over the front page of the newspapers there, as it has been worldwide, in fact. While I agree that this was an incredible tragedy and loss, I am wondering why this is receiving such huge attention... sadly police officers are killed in the line of duty more often than we know. And for the record I don't believe this had anything to do with the fact that it was a marijuana grow-op. The man responsible was known to be violent... he was a ticking time bomb that finally went off, and unfortunately took 4 good people with him. My prayers go out to the families.

This Sunday in Toronto a man took his 5 year old daughter up on top of a highway overpass and threw her off it into the traffic below. Apparently he was on the phone to his estranged wife threatening to throw the girl off the bridge, which he eventually did and then proceeded to jump from the overpass as well. He died and the girl is in the hospital in critical condition.

This Tuesday morning, at 7am, a man wielding a knife taunted police to shoot him during a standoff in the middle of downtown Toronto. The man was quickly surrounded by cops and eventually pinned by a police car against a pole and then disarmed. The footage of the incident was all over the news for the rest of the day.

Yesterday a man went crazy in a rental truck, ramming police cars that were surrounding a protest in downtown Toronto and then eventually set himself ablaze. For some of the most bizarre and disturbing footage of the incident click here. Be warned, it's graphic.

And I am not the only one wondering what the hell is going on. This article reads:
"A man douses himself with gasoline and sets himself on fire.
A father grabs his helpless five-year-old and throws her from an overpass, before jumping to the highway below.
A knife wielding suspect holds police at bay, as cops close in.
A stranger invades a woman’s home and shoots himself in the head, as a murder victim lays dead in a van outside.
What in the world is going on? You can't blame G.T.A. (Greater Toronto Area) residents for wondering if their city has gone mad over the last two weeks. It’s not just the level of violence that’s disturbing. It’s the way those scenarios have played themselves out that’s simply bizarre."

Bizarre indeed.

 



But seriously, Lisa has written a post about an Israeli photographer named Adi Nes, the one who has taken the fine photo you see here. If you want to see more of his work and learn more about him I suggest you check out her post. I think you may find it very interesting!

 
Well, I am starting my week feeling like I got the world by the ass! A welcome change from a week or so ago when it felt like the world was falling. My what a difference a week can make..

The day started off right for me when I got a call from Princess Blondie at 7:30am this morning. She called just to share with me, basically, that she was really glad that we were good friends and that our friendship had stood the test of time and separate homes (since we became friends when she moved into my apartment building, we were worried what would happen when she moved out). Our Thursday night ritual of getting together for Survivor is really just a great way to make it a regular habit of seeing each other all while bonding over a mutual love for a reality show. Anyway, it was a nice call as we talked a bit about how much we mean to each other and how important our friendship is for us both. May sound a little cheesy to you guys, but it was a nice thing for me to hear while getting ready for work on a Monday morning. :-)

And this is shaping up to be a good week..... I'm getting a new computer (EEEEEEEEEK!!! I'm so excited I can barely stand it!!!) and I am going to be out of the office a little more. I will be out on the road getting back to the basics of my job, which means more time out in stores and talking to vendors (no, not selling). It's something I am looking forward to as I am getting a bit of cabin fever as winter (hopefully) begins to wind down. A little freedom from the office is a welcome change. Hoo whee... I am just feeling all good and liberated these days. May I recommend to any of you that you try the same thing... if someone in your life is causing you more stress than joy, cut the person loose! You WILL feel better. :-D

As for my potential trip to Israel.... I have been looking over the financial aid application this morning and I am seeing that I have to fill out info with regards to my parents income. They seem rather adamant that I include financial information about them, and this is where things may come to a screeching halt for a few reasons. Firstly, I am NOT telling my parents about this until I have to, let alone ask them to provide such sensitive info. Not only will they not be supportive emotionally about this choice, they will in no way help me financially. And they will NOT be impressed with me asking for a copy of their tax return. They have nothing to do with the money equation and I am deeply annoyed that the program would make such a suggestion to someone who is 30 and has been living on her own for sometime. Secondly, by including my parents income on this form I assure you it will look like I come from a family that makes a very comfortable living and therefore lower my chances of getting better financial aid. That would be bad because as I said... my parents will never chip in for the cost of this. Ever. So by supplying this info I will only be hurting my chances... but if I don't the form says it will not be accepted. I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't. If they won't take my application without my parents info this whole thing will be over before it even started, and I'll be very sad. I'm going to write the program leader today and see what I can do about this..... coz financial info about my parents just ain't gonna happen...

 
Well it has been quite a weekend and it's not quite over yet. I spent Friday night at home... yes, at home and I'm not ashamed to say it!! I had gone out earlier in the day to reconnect with an old friend of mine (see my prior post) and it went really well. We apologized for the fallout and agreed we were both just in terrible places in our lives at that time. We both needed someone and we were too screwed up with our own stuff to be able to help each other. We talked about what had gone on with us over the last 6 years we were apart and did a little catching up. We will have to take more time to get re-acquainted, but we're happy to have reconnected. :-)

Saturday was a pretty shitty day.... I decided it was time to break up with the guy I had been seeing. I don't care to get into details, as I don't believe in trampling on the privacy of those in my life... but sadly it wasn't the smoothest of partings. On the one hand I feel really terrible that I hurt this guy.... because I care for him, relationship or not. On the other hand, it has been a stormy relationship and I am glad that stress is no longer in my life. It was an emotional rollercoaster and I am glad to have gotten off it. Time to heal and move on....
Saturday night was an improvement as I went out to dinner with my mom and my brother and his girlfriend. I don't see my brother as much as I should, so it was very cool. And of course the cherry on top of my relaxing evening was another episode of Battlestar Galactica. *dreamy* Oh how I love it so.

Today has been all about chilling and getting back into my 'being single' routine, and I must say... I forgot how much I love it! I might not be in a hurry to give it up again anytime soon. I was at Walmart by 8am this morning doin' a little shopping and then it was home watching movies and tidying up my apartment for the rest of the day. I had a quick stopover at the parents house to see my dad, back from his business trip to China. Tomorrow I'll post a picture of the really cool gift he got me so you can check out my dad's excellent taste in souvenirs.

So that about does it for me. I've been chilling, centering and enjoying my alone time this weekend. Feels DAMN good, I must say. Hope y'all had a good weekend!

Oh and to my friend Melra.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!