I didn't feel like writing a post yesterday, and I think it's far too early in the day to be posting one now. I keep feeling like I should be writing something really profound and deep today...something to mark the end of the year with. Reflections to look back upon a year from now so I can think "wow...I remember that". Unfortunately, I'm not feeling all that profound at the moment, so I will try and keep this short and sweet.

The truth of the matter is that this past year has been one of the longest and hardest I can remember. I suffered heart wrenching losses and only in the last 2 - 3 months have felt strong enough to hold my head high again. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and if that be the case I must be a Juggernaut. I feel good about things today, about myself, my life, and the people I have chosen to surround myself with (and even more importantly, the people who have chosen to surround their lives with *me*). I ran a range of emotions over the last six months that would dizzy most, and I have come out of it remarkably well all things considered. I have taken stock of things, and have learned to be humble and grateul. I am a work in progress and accept that however good I feel today may change next week, but that I will bounce back again. Not every day can be a good day, and if we didn't have those bad days what measure would we have to know when it's good again? It's the downs that help us appreciate and work for those ups. And as a work in progress I know that as far as I have come, I have even farther to go. And in my struggles I will learn to appreciate and empathize with the struggles of others; we are all doing our best in life to get by, grow, prosper, live, love and laugh. Who am I to judge when I know all too well the sting of judgement from others?

Tonight I will gather with my Gang of Friends again, and celebrate 15 years of friendship and love. If it's one thing I have learned this year it's that these are my truest of friends. Others have come and gone and broken my heart, but these are the ones who have never left. I am incredibly aware of how hard it is to hold onto friends, let alone such a large group for so many years. We have a bond that I will not allow to be broken by conflict, time, or distance. This is my extended family and they have fed my soul and made me rich in ways I never dreamed possible. These are the people I know have my back.

This year has been one of evolution in terms of friendships. I have realized that my oldest and dearest friends are just that for a reason. And while I have had to watch one my closest and most influential friendships dissolve, breaking my heart beyond words, I have had a most wonderful and new friendship enter into my life which helped ease the pain. Princess Blondie and her boyfriend Bruno have made me believe in friendship again, when I was beginning to think I would never love and trust again. I hope they know just how very much they mean to me.

At one of my lowest times this year I decided to join the world of blogging. My blog has had a profound and unexpected impact on my life. It has opened my heart and mind, and brought people into my life I might otherwise never have met. The banter, conversations, debates and laughs have been a welcome addition to my daily routine. I have a very humble blog with few readers, but there are those who have stepped forward and interacted with me and made it a deeply fulfilling experience. K-Dogg, si, Smooth, Geoff, Gil, Lorien, Havdala, Dave, Solomon and Oren are just a few of the people who have made me realize that an online friendship can hold just as much meaning as those 'in real life'. Thank you one and all for lending me an ear and offering friendship and support; you renewed my faith in online friendships after an incident that nearly had me lose my faith in strangers. I hope that I will continue to make you laugh and maybe educate a little along the way. Love and tolerance can start with us.

I am glad this year is over, and I am happy to look to 2004 with fresh eyes. I am seeing the world in a different light these days, and so I have to believe next year will be a fabulous one (hell, anything will be an improvement over this past one! lol). My journey continues, and I invite you to share it here on my blog.
For a little end of the year fun I suggest you check out a list Dave has compiled of links about the year in review (lists include 'the Best and the Worst', funniest stories, pictures, top albums, etc...). It's pretty cool, have a peek.

I wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year. All the best to you and remember to take the time to share the joy and to remember that we are all in this together. Dare to dream, and be brave enough to act on it.

"And if we're lost, then we are lost together" - Blue Rodeo