Sunday, January 04, 2004
Epiphany #2
So there I was laying in bed, 7:30am on this fine Sunday morning, pondering my situation and drive to make radical changes in my life (I think it's a bad sign that I'm starting to lose sleep over this now). I had been looking at books in a bookstore last night and wasn't altogether impressed by any of them, though thumbing through them doesn't exactly give them a chance. Actually, the one book that struck me was Sting's biography; when I picked it up to glance through it, it opened up to one page in the middle and I read a paragraph. My jaw dropped as I read one sentence in which he describes a moment when he realized his day job was sucking his energy, and that it was that job that served as a catalyst to get him to finally nurture his musical talents (for those who don't know, he was an English teacher before). Whoa, I weird that I picked that book and that page at this point in my life when I'm feeling the same way.

Yesterday I took an online test that helps assess your personality and what you like to do; while off hand I would say it was kinda useless, it did happen to give me something to think about. You can take it for free, but if you want the full results you have to pay, of course. Anyway, it made me realize a few things; I'm not fond of sitting in an office day in and day out. Many of you might argue that anyone would say that, but that's not true. Many people like to have routine and a cubicle they can put pictures up in and create their own little world to work in. That's cool if you can make it work for you, I just know I can't (and I have a nice big office of mine own and everything). And if I look at my present job and recall the moments when I still like it, it's when I am on the road traveling from location to location and working my ass off. I complain about the long hours, but in fact I feel better about myself and my job when I work hard and accomplish stuff. So being stuck in an office is obviously sapping me because I thrive being out and around, changing up my routine. I figured that before but it was a good reminder (and actually, my boss had brought this up too).

Other questions had drawn my attention to a few other aspects of my personality. I like working with people, for instance. I find that when you put other people in the picture it helps shake up the routine and keeps things from getting boring. Interaction is good. If it's one thing I've learned it's that I just don't work well, longterm, on my own. It's boring and I find it hard to stay motivated. I might have once argued that I could work on my own but have since realized it's just not me, and in fact I believe it takes a special breed to be able to do it. I was just terrible when I worked from home, rarely leaving my pajamas and getting sucked into watching bad daytime television. All that eventually lead to me being unhappy though at the time I didn't realize why. I was in fact never accomplishing anything, and not interacting with anyone.
But I digress.

So this morning when I was laying in bed I was specifically thinking of my financial situation. It seems to me if I am going to make a change I have two options: spend less or make more. Makes sense, right? So I can either find somewhere cheaper to live, or I can get a part time job to supplement my income. I'm not exactly thrilled about working part time because that could mean working 7 days a week much of the time. I need a break somewhere, or I'm going to burn out fast. Thinking of part time work I began to consider just where I could work. I cycled through all the retail jobs in my mind that I have worked at before and began to think that the amount of money they would pay me wouldn't be worth the grief of going back to retail. Unfortunately though, I have a long history in retail and am very good at it; it shouldn't be too hard to get work, I have an impeccable work resume having worked in management in some very big chains. But as I said, the pay would be bad and the idea of giving up resting time for crap work isn't so appealing. And I have class starting up again this week, and I am trying to make myself more committed than ever to that night class.

As I laid in bed wishing I could sleep but really thinking about a second job instead, I remembered a friend of mine telling me about two jobs recently. One was a job at the Toronto Zoo. He has a friend there who works part time and wondered if he'd like me to have him ask about possible work. Now off hand this seems like a good plan, but I know that I could only go so far with that job. You really need an education to take that job the distance, and at present I don't have that. After doing some online research I'm finding I'll need a degree in Zoology. That ain't small potatoes, and amounts to full time schooling. Money will be an issue, as will chemistry; I had a helluva hard time with chemistry in highschool. *sigh*

But this same friend had also mentioned another job to me not so long ago. A job working in a scuba diving shop. At the time I vaguely considered it, but once again wasn't excited about working in retail again. My friend had mentioned time and time again how it would be perfect because this owner needs someone with retail experience and with a strong personality. At the time I was hesitant because I know very little about scuba diving. But this morning, upon rethinking it, it began to make a great deal of sense. First of all, when I was 13 years old I remember vowing that I would one day go diving in the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. It was just something I had always wanted to do. This at least would bring me one tiny step closer to a dream I had as a child. Secondly, I had gone diving this past June in Israel, in the Red Sea. I fell in love! I got to enter into a whole new world, and fell in love with the underwater sea life. I wanted to do it again and again, and I have pictures of me underwater to remember it all by. It was amazing, and certainly made me feel like I had been bitten by the scuba diving bug. Thirdly, the job not only pays well, but pays cash (*nudgenudge, winkwink*). This is a big bonus. And as a final and definitely HUGE bonus, there's a very real chance I would get free diving lessons. Boing!!! Free training??? Now I'm starting to wonder why the hell I didn't jump on this before. Let's think about this for a minute: I could work part time in a job where I get paid well and in cash. I would likely get free training, and learn the ins and out of the business if I showed enough ambition (diving lessons can be *extremely* expensive). If I get certified as an instructor I could pretty much work anywhere in the world. This would be a job I could do anywhere, and would lend me so many opportunities to work in great places. AND I get to swim with the fishies and pretty animal life. *dreamy* This job would offer me the opportunity to explore a possible career, and if I decide it's not for me I have lost absolutely nothing. It's not like going back to school and wasting a few thousand dollars to find out that it's not for me. I'd be paid to try on a job. Eeeek!! Dare I dream of a job where I get to swim all day and take in beautiful sites and animals and share it with enthusiastic people??

So now I'm definitely excited. A dangerous thing, really. I must not get too excited until I find out if this guy is even still looking for someone. Baby steps! Must not get ahead of myself. I hate it when I get all worked up about something and then end up being let down. It's harsh and I have no one to blame but myself. So I must stay the course and dig to get some answers. Meanwhile I will continue to ask more questions and proceed to dig in the anticipation that this other job won't come through (a very good possibility unfortunately. that offer was months ago). I think I might take a hike up to the library today and get some books. That would be a good start.

And later today I will be entertaining. I am having some friends, a couple and their daughter, over for dinner. I love this family, and can't wait to have them over. They arrived in Canada from Israel in July/August, and I have done my best to help make them feel welcome. She teaches me Hebrew, I teach her English. It's a pretty good deal. :-)
So I need to get moving, I have a lot to do today. Clean up my filthy apartment, cook some dinner, get up to the library, and if I have a chance, do some homework; my class starts again on Tuesday.

Thanks for listening to me ramble this morning. lol. And I welcome anyone tossing in their two cents worth.