Ucch, I know. I whine too much about my woes, especially regarding my impending trip. But I gotta vent somewhere and this blog has served that need best (unfortunately for all of you who have to put up with it). I promise once I get to Israel the posts will liven right up and I will regale you with stories of getting acquainted with life in Israel.

Today I am in that state of "I give up". I went to the computer store that had a good deal on a laptop to see what the scoop was. Of course, if something seems to be too good to be true it usually is, right? Such was the case with this one. I talked with a very nice guy and he told me that the laptop is deceivingly advertised and that the laptop I was interested in wasn't internet capable (wha?? who the hell would sell a computer like that?!). The next option up on the pay scale was $1000... way out of my range, especially considering I have already spent $635 on a laptop I have yet to see. I told him about my predicament with the deadbeat eBay seller and asked him if he could tell me, off the record, of where I could go to get a good deal. He said: "*Way *off the record?" I said yeah, totally off the record and confidential (I'm not looking to get the guy fired, I'm just desperate for help). He paused for a moment and then asked if we could step outside to talk (so his boss wouldn't overhear, of course). We did and he told me of a few places that sell the exact thing, but for $200 cheaper. He also named a few smaller computer stores around that I could check out, all the while glancing back to make sure he wasn't going to get caught having this conversation (he kept saying "I shouldn't be telling you this, but you seem nice"). I thanked him very much for his honesty and help, shook his hand and left feeling like things are just not getting a whole lot better for me. Are the laptop gods conspiring against me or something!?

I have gone online to look up prices with some of the other computer places, and overall they are around $750-850.... well out of the $600 range I was aiming for from the start. The biggest problem with those prices isn't even the price itself, it's the fact that I would have to pay it in full immediately; the whole reason I went to the first computer place (with the seemingly good deal) was because I could put the payments and interest off for a year, buying me some time and saving me some money for my trip. I am running out of money and I can't drop it on *another* damn laptop. So what am I going to do now? I just don't know. I think I'm royally screwed and I am very much running out of time.

Speaking of money, I went to the bank yesterday and begged for more money. I filled out an application for an increase in my line of credit and I have to wait for an answer sometime in the next day or so. *fingers crossed* Oh how I hope I get it.... it would make all the difference in how I enjoy this trip. Without it I will be uptight about money the whole time and will be worried about going anywhere and spending money on anything. WITH it I can relax a little and enjoy myself... even spend a little longer in Israel if I like. Maybe send home a few trinkets to friends and family. Please please bank people..... let me have that increase!!

*sigh* As I write this I think... man, I sound so self-absorbed and shallow. As I sit and worry about trying to acquire a silly laptop for my trip my fellow Jews are struggling to come to terms with being forced out of their homes, 100 are feared dead as a boat sinks off the coast of Colombia, and 43 people are killed in yet more bombings in Iraq (bombings that are so commonplace in Iraq now that nobody even notices them in the news anymore or runs to the tv to hear the details). So while I sit and have a little meltdown because a dumb eBay seller won't return my emails or phonecalls, and I am hitting wall after wall when trying to find a solution to this problem, I have to remember that in the bigger picture there are much larger problems in the world. I guess this is what I get for being a spoiled Westerner.