Thursday, January 13, 2005
take my shortcomings! Please!
I have come to recognize and acknowledge some things about myself. I can admit to them, I'm big about it.

I am addicted to my computer. When I get up in the morning I eat my breakfast in front of it and waste at least 40 minutes reading news, blogs and e-mails. Why can't I just wait and do it when I get to work? I have no idea. Because of this I am late for work by 5 - 10 minutes every single morning. We won't even get into how much time I spend on the internet at work.

I should not be allowed to answer the phones at work. First and foremost I am not a "phone person" by any stretch of the imagination. I am horrible at taking messages and even worse at remembering to actually give them to the intended person. If somebody named Todd called, for example, the message may read: "Todd...Tim or maybe Tony called, about.... that thing. He works for a shipping company". Honest to god, that's how I take a message. And we won't even talk about the number of people I have accidentally hung up on while transferring calls. Why they still let me touch the phones is a mystery to me. I do my best to avoid them.

I am extremely impatient. Anyone who knows me can easily verify this with any number of stories in which I have been annoyed by them over one little matter or another. This is just one of many reasons why I don't have a dog (love them, but can't deal with puppies around the clock) or plan to have any kids. These things require patience, and this is something I know I lack. Hey, admitting you have the problem is the first step in helping yourself, right? Yes yes, I'm short tempered and I know it. Believe it or not, I'm better than I once was. I'm a work in progress, afterall.

I have noticed that I have road rage. Not the uber violent type that leads people to get out and shoot (hello, I'm Canadian) or to even get out and yell (hello, I'M CANADIAN), but the kind that has me cursing other drivers under my breath all the time. It's so second nature now that I don't even notice that I am muttering things all the way to and from work. My favourite phrases: "Drive like you mean it!!" or "Don't you people have somewhere to be?? I know I do!!". I have recognized that this simply can't be good for my mood or outlook, especially at the start of the day. So I have been trying to bring about some awareness and to start noticing when I am doing it. In an effort to curb it (and eventually stop it) I have allowed myself three moments to get mad at another driver and then my freebies are up. After that I have to just take a deep breath, remain calm, and remember that this isn't a big deal and hardly worth ruining my mood. It's actually been going ok, because even when I slip I am at least aware of it and feel dumb for doing it. Baby steps!

No matter how I slice it, I have a lazy streak through me about a mile wide. I seem to lack simple motivation to do things (my Hebrew homework, paying bills on time, and pretty much anything at work) and I can't figure out what my problem is. If I am motivated enough I am happy to work my ass off, but it's tricky mustering that motivation. Why is it so difficult to get myself to sit down and do my Hebrew homework? Why is it I welcome ANY distraction that would take me away from that? At work I'm not even interested in having more responsibility coz I'm so damn lazy and to be honest, just don't love my job that much (but that's a whole other rant for another time, now isn't it?). So why do I procrastinate? Why am I so lazy? Where has all my motivation gone? No clue.

Well, I could go on and on, listing all my flaws one by one, but I think my ego has had enough. Got some outstanding flaws you care to be brave enough to openly share? Come on, it feels great being vulnerable in front of strangers. LOL