Monday, January 17, 2005
Priss's 12 Step Program to Designing Bad Websites
Ok, you have to check out these amusing tips on how to design a bad website. Here are some of my personal favourite tips (which I found so hilarious because they're true!!):

Step 2: Choosing the most infuriating background imaginable

If you haven't sent your visitors into a fit of rage with your background, leaving them wanting to hunt you down and punch you in the neck, you haven't done your job as a good web designer. Make sure you background is tiled, contains at least 3 contrasting colors, and is reminiscent of the disco era. Animation is always a plus. Make sure your readers can't read the text on your background without popping a blood vessel.

Step 7: Java, java, java

At any given moment, you site must contain no less than 3 java applets. Remember, you want your users to know that you care by using up all their system resources for displaying your site. If your site crashes their browser, all the more reason for them to keep coming back to your site. Show your visitors that you love them.

Step 9: Embed a midi file on each page

People love music. Just look at all the attention the RIAA and file traders are getting. Embed a different midi file on every page with a never-ending loop - the loop works best when it doesn't transition seamlessly. Don't ever give your visitors the option to turn it off - you went through all this trouble for them, the least they can do is show their appreciation for your painstaking efforts.

Anyway, those are just a few of my favourites, but you REALLY need to go check out all twelve steps because it is just so damn funny. I personally found the one about the midi file funny because it's a personal peeve with me, and recently I had one crash my entire page when I surfed onto a blog using BlogExplosion. Grrr!! So infuriating! It just slows everything down and bungs up a browser pretty good.

Oh, and before I forget, I've added a few new blogs to my blogroll, so feel free to check them out if you're looking for something new: Priss's House of Crap (home of the 12 steps I just mentioned), Occasional Bitch (très amusing and really, who doesn't love self-deprecating humour?), Destination Jerusalem (coz we all know I love me some Israeli blogs!), Jewlicious (have I mentioned this blog?? excellent team blog tackling world and Jewish issues), Leah's Life (a great personal blog documenting one woman's personal journey of recovery after abuse), MentalBlog (the more Jewish blogs the merrier!), and On The Face I have no idea what has taken me so long to put this one on my blogroll especially since this Israeli grew up here in Toronto!).
So there ya have it. Go show some of these blogs some lovin' ...tell them I sent ya!