It's after 4am and I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning all friggin night, and have finally decided to just get up. This really sucks. I even took half a sleeping pill to try and stop thinking about funeral arrangements and to get some rest, but my brain refuses to shut off.
And then I come on here and read all the wonderfully kind comments you guys left for me, and I start crying all over again. LOL. You guys are the sweetest, thank you very much.

Truly, I am a sight to behold right now. When I got up I decided I was hungry so on my way to my computer I grabbed a bag of baby carrots (these babies are already peeled!). So here I am sitting in my t-shirt and panties, sobbing and munching on carrots. ROFL!! VERY attractive indeed.
*sigh*

Oh, and I called my grandmother to check up on her. She sounded terrible on the phone and it was obvious she had been crying. She's trying to sound strong but she's clearly a mess. I asked (several times) if she wanted me to come up and keep her company, but she said no she wanted "to be stomp around and be misery all by herself". :-( I'm not happy with that answer, but what can I say? She's a stubborn woman, and I sure don't wanna drive 2 hours up there just to have her be livid with me for interferring. I tend to respect her wishes, as I know everyone grieves differently. Hell, I prefer to be alone too (or do I?).

ANYway......

I'm gonna go watch some tv. Thanks again you guys, your words mean the world to me right now. ((HUGS))

UPDATE: it's just after 5:30am, and I have eaten about half a pound of baby carrots and a *giant* bowl of chocolate pudding. I'd say the grieving process is going swimmingly, wouldn't you?? lol And who programs these early morning tv shows??? I can find nothing but infomercials and religious programs. Perhaps if I keep watching them they will bore me to sleep. lol.

UPDATE #2: 6am. Screw going back to sleep, I've found Martha Stewart, and she and some chap are teaching me how to make a tasty halibut dish. Man alive, does it look good!
(I just looked up this episode in the tv guide and the synopsis is this: 'A man searches for a Ukrainian woman who saved his grandfather from Nazis; baked brie.' ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Hmph. Just now I suddenly felt bad for laughing at a time when I should be (and am) sad. Life sucks that way sometimes.