Wednesday, June 22, 2005
who am I?? how did I get here?
I have had one of the worst days in recent memory, and it's not even over yet. Still plenty of time for it to get worse.

Like an incredibly bad dream I watched myself say and do some of the most bone-headed things I have ever said and done in my life, to some of my very closest of friends. All while feeling quite righteous about it, I might add! (and with a venom I have not spewed forth in *years*) When it was all said and done I had declared an end to two of my best friendships and told them not to bother me anymore and I wouldn't bother them.

What the hell got into me?? It's like some alien took over my body and systematically began ruining some of my most important friendships just to screw with me! I felt helpless as I watched myself morph into some kind of super-jerk and couldn't seem to stop the multitude of dumb things that spilled from my mouth (actually, my keyboard). And while I stand by the original reasoning of why I got upset I certainly can't condone my reaction and behaviour.

One friend has written to me and asked if I was really willing to throw away 15 years of friendship over something so silly to which I said no and apologized for my insane behaviour. The jury is still out on the other friend, though I'd have to say things don't look good. I don't think a plead of "I was suddenly posessed" will really work.

I think I need a vacation. Like... a 5 month one. Maybe to the Middle East.