Tuesday, April 05, 2005
the Livnot rollercoaster ride
I thought I would write about my (possible) 5 month trip to Israel today since I am in a positive mood about it, and we all know my level of positivity about this fluctuates from day to day (sometimes hour to hour... I am a woman, afterall).

I'm feeling good about my chances of being able to do this trip today because I woke up this morning to find a lovely and supportive e-mail from a woman named Laurie over in the Livnot program. She had visited my blog (I had given out my URL in my phone interview when applying for this trip/program) and I guess had seen that I was having a bit of a meltdown about financing. I still am, I'm just hiding it a bit better now. (LOL!) Anyway, she had offered a link to point me in the right direction of where to look and was just overall very lovely to me. That was nice, thanks Laurie!

Recently I was chatting up my good buddy Rinat, over in Jerusalem (via e-mail, of course). She had pointed out something that ... well I guess I sort of realized, but was amazed to see that someone noticed in me. And she noticed it because she said she was the same way... just before she moved to Israel. She said that although she was a Brazilian and living in Brazil... she was worried more about Israel than Brazil. When she said that I thought.... wow, that's exactly how I am. I am a proud, happy Canadian but all my thoughts and energy are with Israel. I read 6 Israeli news sites a day and I don't know *how* many Israeli blogs... but how many Canadian news sites do I read? Zero. I know more about what is going on in Israel and the Israeli government than I do in my own country and Canadian government. What does that say about me??

I think about Israel, and this trip, and maybe moving there one day.... all the time. I do a lot of driving on any given day and so I have plenty of time to ponder all this. Seriously, I can promise that when I am alone in the car I am thinking about Israel every time. Should I go on this trip? Should I just move there? Should I forget the whole thing? (shyeah, right!) And see that first picture in this post? The one that says Zim? That is an Israeli shipping company and I took that picture from my car one day last year. It's funny because I see those Zim shipping containers *everywhere* and I see at least 5 a day when I am out driving. Often I will be driving around, thinking about Israel, and then a Zim truck will drive by. It feels like a bizarre sign of some sort... calling me to Israel. lol. Ok, maybe not, but still! Everytime I see that little bit of Hebrew writing while driving around Toronto I feel an odd stir. Heck, I even saw a Zim container when I was on the east coast of Canada (Halifax) last year when I was on a mini vacation! Better still, I saw a Zim container in the background of an episode of Fear Factor, as the stunt was set in a shipping yard and I have an eye for spotting Zim containers.

As for that other picture... well, any Israeli here will know what that is. That's one of my favourite Israeli dairy products.... Milki. It's a delicious chilled pudding and I love it. I actually managed to find a local grocery store around here that carries it but MAN was it expensive! I know it's imported and all, but it was way too pricey. But hey.. I bought it coz I love it and miss it. And I like to support Israeli businesses and encourage importing of Israeli foods (now, if only they would import a good hummus!!).

But I have digressed. My point to all this is that I have a feeling, deep down inside, that my future is tied to Israel somehow. I am just searching to find out what the connection is. Will I live there? Will I live here but work for a foundation/program that works with Israel? I just don't know... but I think I have to find a way to afford this trip, because I think I will find my answers there (hey, maybe I'll end up staying, who knows??). The only question is.... will these financial groups offer me enough for me to go? *fingers crossed* Maybe I need to find me an Israeli sugar daddy. *wink*

(btw, I had a dream the other night that I was trapped in an Israeli mall as it was closing for the night and I couldn't find the exit. I kept trying to find my way out and people would stop and try to help me, but all I kept saying was: "Ma? Ani lo mevinah, ani lo medeberet Ivrit!" ("What? I don't understand, I don't speak Hebrew!"). I was really stressed out in the dream because I couldn't make anyone understand me and I couldn't find my way back to my car. Oh no!...don't leave me trapped in an Israeli mall !! haha..)