Ok, before I go on a rant, let me recap my weekend. I'll be brief so as to not bore you all too much. :-P
Friday was great, I went up to Princess Blondie's as I do every Friday now, to watch Survivor (that I taped the night before). We ordered pizza, watched the show, watched a hilarious movie, all was good and fun as always. On the way home I drove through a bizarre snow storm that only went on for about 10 minutes and then stopped and disappeared without a trace of snow to be seen anywhere. Very odd, and torturous...why can't the snow stay on the ground? why melt?? *pout*

Saturday I was up and at the gym for 9am (I've been going almost daily, it's been great!) and then off for a bit of shopping with my mom. Came home, tidied my home a bit, and then met with friends to go see a couple of movies. We saw The Incredibles and I Heart Huckabees. The Incredibles was good, though I think much of it would go over the heads of kids and maybe even bore the really young ones (how many kids can grasp the concept of a relocation program??). And I Heart Huckabees was strange little film. Very different from most, but if you liked Being John Malkovich you might like this. After the movies one of my friends came and crashed at my place for the night.

Sunday it was off with the Geek Brigade (my affectionate name for my gang of friends when we do geeky activities) to the big toy show to see what goodies we could find. The highlight of the day was finding a crazy car in the parking lot.... you'll just have to go to my photoblog to see it (for the sake of archiving, the pics are here, here and here). In the end I got an old Superman movie poster (with George Reeves, not Christopher Reeve) for my friend for Christmas and a little something for a certain Israeli.

Ok...so what am I on the verge of ranting about after such a fun filled weekend? Basically what I ranted about before. I can't get off this idea of going to Israel, either for a short stay (maybe five months to learn Hebrew) or maybe longer.... What is going on in my brain?? I am actually getting really stressed out today as I *constantly* weigh the pros and cons of the situation. I am going out of my mind as this debate goes in circles in my head. One minute I talk myself into it, the next I talk myself out of it. In the end I keep asking myself the most basic and important question of all..... WHY do I want to do this? What is my real motivation? Am I wanting to do this for the right reasons? And what would those reasons be, exactly??

The reason this debate has been fired up again in my head is because I have had a small offer of assistance from someone. This was someone I got somewhat close to on my first trip to Israel last year but have not seen since. The offer is a place to stay (for a few months) while I study (Hebrew), along with some help getting a job at a scuba diving place in Eilat (oh god..I drool at the thought). This friend just so happens to be a diving instructor and is at the diving centre every weekend. This sounds easier than it is though... first of all, I still don't speak Hebrew. And I still don't have any real certification for diving. I'd have to learn Hebrew and I would have to really get a move on in terms of learning to dive. These things will take me at least a year or two (assuming I do little else) to do. Remember, I'd have to relearn all the diving terms in Hebrew too if I am to take tourists diving or some such thing. This starts to come back to a money issue... learning to dive costs money, and lots of it. And unless I actually, offically, move to Israel I will have to pay for those Hebrew classes too (when you immigrate to Israel you get all kinds of assistance, including Hebrew lessons for 5 months). We're talking *thousands* of dollars. Oh, and if you are going to work in Israel you need a work permit if you don't live there. Those are nearly impossible to get (rules state that you can only get the job if no one else in Israel can do it...). So this all comes back to.... moving to Israel permanently. Something I'm not prepared to do quite yet. Maybe I never will be.

*sigh* Ok, I really am ranting.. maybe I'll cut it off there for now. No need to get so heavy on a Monday morning. I think I need to take this idea one step at a time. For now..I should probably revisit the idea of diving. I have shied away from it since my friend and classmate (Aviva) was killed while diving in August, but it's something I would like to be able to move past. I really enjoyed diving, and I don't want fear to keep me from something I enjoyed. Aviva wouldn't have wanted that either. So maybe I'll go back to my old diving shop and start seeing what I can afford in terms of classes. It's a start...and maybe it will give me something to focus on. And maybe I'll start writing all the bloggers I know that moved to Israel from another country and get some honest answers about what it's like.

Or maybe I'll just wait until this feeling passes and remember that I have a truly wonderful and blessed life here in Canada... one that I love very much. :-)