Tuesday, October 14, 2003
incidental happiness
So....I've been in a good mood as of late. A good mood that has actually lasted longer than five minutes...longer than five hours, even. In fact, it's gone on for weeks, and this is new to me. I'm afraid if I close my eyes it will disappear, or tell someone thereby causing bad luck befall me and bring the house of cards down. Is it silly to be afraid of a good mood? Of happiness? It's not something I'm familiar with, so I'm not sure what to do with it. Or what to expect. In my experience, all good things come to an end, so it's just a matter of time before this rug is yanked out from under me.
So I am cautiously enjoying the moment, taking it one happy day at a time. I've been tested a few times, but have somehow passed the tests, so my confidence is slowly growing. But the fear of falling is deeply engrained in me, so I tend to hold back a bit.
The thing is, I can pin my change in mood on one particular turn of events in my life, so doesn't it stand to reason that if I maintain that turn of events my mood should sustain? I mean yeah, life is gonna always throw curve balls at me, I know that, but if I stay away from the brownies, isn't it safe to say I have a better chance of not getting fat? lol

Ok, this post has gone to hell. All I wanted to say was that I am glad to be in a good mood, and I can practically recall the moment I stepped out and smelled the fresh air. And damnit, it's good....I never believed it was possible. So even if it doesn't last this time I know it's possible to achieve again.

"I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped"