You know you've been watching too much daytime television when..... you dream you are trying to kill Dr. Phil. Actually, according to what I said in my dream, I wasn't trying to kill him so much as just render him unconscious. I had my arm wrapped around his neck in a total headlock and I was telling him to stop struggling, that I wasn't going to kill him I was just going to knock him out. Only, the guy didn't especially want to be squeezed into unconsciousness and his neck was as thick as a damn tree trunk, so I finally gave up and let him go. *shrug* I think I need to get out of the house soon. Two weeks is too long and it's starting to show.

I think my dreams will begin showing me what's really driving me crazy while holed up in my apartment for weeks on end with my tv. The next in line to be strangled will be any of the four American Presidential candidates. Like many, I am quite sick and tired of this friggin' election, and as a Canadian I am that much more annoyed that my regular television programming has been interrupted by the damn debates. My tv shows ARE my life at the moment so I thought I was going to go into a homicidal rage when my favourite show, Third Watch, wasn't on this Friday because of the televised debate. Damn you Bush and Kerry!!!!!!!!!! I was looking forward to watching that ALL week. Grrrrrrrrrrr

So my nurse has already come and gone today. Nothing like Percocet, a shower and a dressing change to really start a girl's day. I'm trying to remain cheerful today despite the fact that I am missing Thanksgiving dinner with my whole family. *crycry* It's always held at my grandmother's place, which is a two hour drive north of here. I just decided it would be too uncomfortable to drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back in a day, even with someone else doing the driving (I can't really drive yet). On top of that I love going up for Thanksgiving because the trees are all in their full colour this weekend and it's the best time of year to take pictures. *pout* I could cry.

Anyway! As a parting gift for those who are still bothering to stop by (thanks for your patience everyone) I will include one of my favourite segments of this blog..... strange search engine results that brought people to MY blog. These are all actual search results.....I can't make this shit up.
Skipping over the frequent searches I get (often some combination of "Toronto" Israeli" "girls" and "webcams", or the ever imaginative "looking totally free naked pics") we move right into the gems......

• via the MSN/Sympatico search engine we have "iraq spiders leno". I think it's the addition of Leno that gives that one such an amusing twist.


• The same search engine also brought someone to my blog when s/he typed in "love letter to say that i am sorry". Hey I got an idea! If you want to come across as being genuinely sorry, how about you WRITE YOUR OWN love letter outlining why you're sorry. Dumbass.


• Again from the MSN/Sympatico search engine (Canadians are so weird, EH?): "dirty rotten mothers.com". You wanna see WHAT?? Your mama would be SO proud to know you look up stuff like that.


• This one is my personal favourite because I was the ONLY result for this search!!!!! This person was so specific in his/her search that the entire phrase was in quotes, and glory be, I used those exact words in my blog once. Yahoo results for "thanks for pretending like you care". Looking back on that I can see where I might have come across as maybe just a tad bitter. lol! Glad to see I wasn't alone.


• Google brought someone to my blog who looked up "stop being messy". Um. lol. There are so many questions I have about this one. Was the computer being messy? (coz it sounds like the person is commanding the computer to stop being messy) Were you hoping to find some answers on how to stop someone else from being messy? Were YOU the messy one?? wtf??


• Here's a dandy that just reeks of desperation, brought to you by Yahoo: "I am a man and I need a female friend who lives in Canada". Evidently I was not "friend" material because I never heard from this mysterious man and I was ranked number 10 for those results! Drat.


• Another individual asked this important question of Google: "Does robaxacet relax your heart muscle?". Now, I'm trying not to laugh here....but don't you think that would be a somewhat unsafe product to have on the market if it relaxed someone's HEART??


• Someone else Yahooed "percentage of israelis who are alcoholics". Now this one is interesting.. why Israelis? Was this person Israeli? I don't think so...so what was going on in this person's life to make them wonder this? Wish I knew.


• And with that in mind, Google pointed to me when somebody typed in "stephen baldwin alcholics anonymous", which made me ask.....is Stephen Baldwin an alcoholic?? I suppose that's what this person was wondering too. And the answer is.... well, unless the person has come right out and said it, these things can be hard to pin down. Thus the "anonymous" in the name Alcholics Anonymous. Anyway, I think this search result was because of a post I recently wrote about Stephen Baldwin and his love for Jesus.


• Back to MSN/Sympatico: "healthy juicer receipts". This one nearly had me falling out of my tree I laughed so hard. RECEIPTS??? I'm willing to bet you were looking for RECIPES.


• This one from Google is a bit disturbing..."revenge "empire of dirt" psychological". An odd mix of wording, to be sure. Seems one of the blogs in my blogroll (My Empire of Dirt) lead this person to me, though I'm hoping this person eventually found HELP instead. lol


• A search engine I have never heard of (rediff.com??) made me smile with this search engine result: "i wish i am the princess of the world". Who? ME?? I'd like to take credit and say it's my princessly ways that lead that result to me, but I think it's my frequent referral to my bestest friend Princess Blondie (though that should NEVER stop you from treating me like a princess anyway. :-)


• How about this? Are you looking "nice nurse girls"? Yahoo says I am number 11 for this search, obviously because of my recent surgery and talk of the lovely nurses I have had taking care of me. But somehow I am betting that's NOT what this person was looking for...


• The ever popular MSN/Sympatico search engine somehow thought my blog would be just the place for finding "last words in punjabi for dead person" . That's it, I'm never using that search engine, it's clearly run by monkeys on crack.


• Now, it's dumb of me to type out the words to this search because it will no doubt lead other idiots to my blog looking for the same thing, but it's too funny not to. Tell me...how much of a sexual misfit do you need to be to look up "Pictures showing various techniques for jerking off"??? You have to be SHOWN how to masturbate??? Oh lord, I should just shut up...I hate to think of the hits I'm going to get for this one.

Waitaminute.
How did that search come up with ME???
I don't even wanna know.

• And last but not least, Google felt I was a good candidate for the "blue alien insanity test". Dude. What were you looking for?? Are the blue aliens insane or are you insane for seeing blue aliens? yikes either way.

Anyway, I'm off to watch movie # 3, 268 for the week. have a good week everyone.