I've had to stop listening to the local news on tv....they keep talking about Aviva. It's driving me nuts, and causes me to burst into spontaneous fits of tears when I hear her being mentioned.

Today the newspaper is saying the coroner report shows that Aviva was killed instantly when she was struck by the boat indicating the boat was likely travelling at very high speeds. I guess we're supposed to somehow feel better that it was instantaneous, but it really doesn't make me feel better at all. The police are conducting a full investigation and are trying to track down the boat, but I doubt they will ever find it; there are a lot of boats on that lake, it's a big lake. I don't know, it just seems so surreal to be reading newspaper reports about someone I know. News is supposed to be about other people.

Last night I couldn't get my mind off all this, despite my best efforts. I did yoga for the 2nd time that day, went for a nice long bike ride, ordered pizza and watched a movie. When I finally got to sleep I was plagued by nightmares. I just want to go to the funeral today and whatever closure I can. This is just too much....it's too hard for my brain to process the death of someone so young. Just because I've had to deal with it before, doesn't make it any easier.....

To those who are coming to my blog because you have put Aviva's name into a search engine (and the numbers are growing): please feel free to say hi, and if you have the strength, share anything you like about her. I'd rather remember her as positively as I can.